wpainterw

I must admit that I was a law professor Managed to survive despite my episodic drinking. Some call that a "high functioning alcoholic".But I wasn't so "high functioning'' at times. Feel lots of shame about that. Retired in 1997 and had open heart surgery. Valve replacement last year.Since retirement I have focussed on my former interests of Eng. and Amer Lit. as well as philosophy with a particular interest in the 18th Cent and the early Romantics of the 19th, particularly Keats, Shelley, Wordsworth and Coleridge. Music also, particularly Bach, Handel, Chopin, Schumann and even Wagner (a very bad boy in many ways but an obvious genius).
I'm glad to have survived till 88 and hope for a few more years. I've learned a lot about health care. One is to Google every medical recommendation and prescription one receives. Amazing what sometimes seems to fall between the cracks. And watch the money thing, doctors intent on cash flow considering Medicare and Medicaid limits and also defensive medicine so as to keep down insurance costs. If I weren't sober for 27 years I'd be dead and would not have to worry about health. I'm also a dog addict and want to survive my Eng. Cocker, who is 9 or be buried with him. I like that book, "Pack of Two" by Caroline Knapp a recovering alcoholic who became addicted to her dog.

W.

dwtbd

Sorry to hear the 88 times around the sun have caused some wear and tear on the vessel, but its contents are admirable and sound to be in a constant state of improvement , refinement and expansion.

wpainterw

Have been thinking about my AV. I may have been a little deceived by assuming that my AV is not apparently trying to get me to drink, since I feel absolutely no craving to do so. Unable to get me to drink and, due to long term sobriety, having no physiological "need" to drink, my AV still exerts its role in dealing with stress. The famous "fight or flight" syndrome. I sense that it's urging me to do too much at the same time, be too compulsive, less "patient" in getting well. If I do that I may very well fall again and hurt myself even more badly. My plan is to apply what I have learned in recovering sobriety to my current issues of avoiding overdoing things, tempting a disastrous fall. One thing at a time, one day at a time, easy does it, etc. The AV is there --just focussing on different issues.

W.

PurpleKnight

Glad to hear you're still pushing through Bill!!

wpainterw

Thanks. I'm attempting to push through.

Bill

Soberwolf

Were with you bud

wpainterw

Wearing a Foley too I gather! Good luck! Mine's leaking...

W.

wpainterw

"Always keep a hold of nurse. For fear of finding something.....worse!"

Hilaire Belloc, Cautionary Tales

thomas11

How are you doing today Bill?

PennyLane76

Hi Bill, Thinking of you this morning,hope things are moving along. You are a shining light here to many.

wpainterw

Thanks Thomas. Better each day. I think it's just a question of time. Infection appears to have abated and may be entirely gone now. Seeing the doc again on Tuesday. If necessary we'll give it another week but it may not require that.

W.

wpainterw

Nice of you to say that Sadie.

Bill.

Eshgham

I've found that sobriety encourages realistic introspection. I did a lot of daydreaming when I was drinking & that didn't get me anywhere. Once I had some initial sober time under my belt and became more grounded, introspection definitely started helping because I was able to honestly appraise myself.

When I was drinking it was a waste. Looking back I was obviously bullshitting myself. Lots of plans with no experience on how to make it happen.

wpainterw

I completely agree.

W.

wpainterw

Thanks, Sadie. After so many troublesome years I feel that the light has finally shined on me and I am so incredibly grateful for what has brought this about and to all those recovering alcoholics and professionals who have helped me and who have had faith in me, faith which, for some, may have been difficult to justify. We can never be "cured" of this but we may become better with time. I love the opening lines in Dante;

"Midway in this our mortal life
I found me in a gloomy wood astray.
Gone from the path direct and e'en to tell
How savage wild that wood
How thick and robust its growth
Which to remember only my dismay renews
In bitterness not far from death."


Bill

MythOfSisyphus

I'm glad to hear you're doing well!

wpainterw

Had a bit of a setback and another trip to the ER last night this time with a suspected strangulated umbilical hernia, possibly from the weight of a Foley catheter on a too tight belt. This was diagnosed as not requiring immediate surgical intervention but I'm meeting a surgeon next week for a possible "patch"- outpatient surgery. This being my third ER in four weeks I am sort of getting into the flow of things, Tao wise, taking a good book (Frederic Morton's book about Vienna in 1913-14- he wrote another fine one about Vienna in 1887-88, with its ending in the Mayerling incident). So I have my book, can watch a bit of late night TV and if drowsy, can get the lights turned down and try to drift off to sleep. Very Tao. There is so much talk about the so called "cliches" of AA (Like "Easy Does It!" "One Day at a Time!"). A lot of it has been around for more than 2000 years. Hardly new, hardly "discovered" by AA, just "wisdom". Wisdom has no copyright. Often it comes from suffering and few may frequent its "desolate marketplace" as the poet Blake once wrote.

W.

thomas11

Hi Bill, sorry to hear you had a setback, I need to look into this Mayerling incident you mentioned. Have no idea what it is. Bill, may I ask how long you have been sober?

wpainterw

About 27 years. Mayerling was a hunting lodge belonging to the Austrian Archduke, heir to the throne of Emperor Franz Joseph. He and his mistress joined one another in a suicide pact which they carried out at Mayerling in 1888. That period (1887-88) is depicted in Frederic Morton's splendid book, "A Nervous Splendor". The next archduke, a nephew of Franz Joseph, was assassinated in 1914 at Sarajevo, starting WWI. The 1913-1914 period is depicted in Morton's sequel, "A Distant Thunder". I enjoyed these two books so much that I am rereading them. You can get them paperback from Amazon. The ER doctor last night was also interested.

W