Dee74

good to hear from you silentsearch

D

Mountainmanbob

You remind me of me in the last few years of my drinking.

It seemed that all that I wished to do was to get to the point in time with the liquid devil (real fast) where I would just fall asleep.

I still remember one day in which I think that I almost didn't wake up. Sad to say that a few of my friends who returned to the bottle didn't and were found dead with a bottle in their hand. In my short time on this site I have shared about two or three of these ones I knew.

Although we have all heard the stories over and over yet again. We still for some reason think that "it could not happen to me."

One good friend of mine (Vince) in the AA Program a couple of years back returned a few times to the drink. He had a beautiful wife, daughter, large nice paid for home and retired early after selling his successful business. His wife was still working and made well over a hundred thousand dollars a year. Yes, it all looked so bright for Vince but, he could not stay sober for long before relapsing. I remember doing a Twelve Step call on Vince. He had wanted to do some heavy drinking and had checked into a local hotel so as to stay away from his family (they were tired).

I still remember telling him that for alcoholics such as us, we don't know what may happen to us when we have returned to the bottle. Vince agreed with me. A couple of months later Vince was found at Lindo Lake in his nice new truck dead with a bottle in his hand.

Today is a good day for us to stay sober.

MB

SilentSearch

Mountainmanbob,

Thank you for sharing that, hard as it is to hear. I think, also, as frightening, is to know, Really know, you can end up with nothing and still keep doing self-destructive things.

CaliButterfly

Your AV is very powerful. All it cares about is the desire for the buzz, checking out, feeling good. It doesn't care about the after affects or consequences. It is part of primitive thinking, just like the desire to eat or procreate, or even the fight-or-flight instinct. It has no thought, no rationalization, and can be more powerful than your higher brain desire to take care of yourself. It's not who you are, it's what it wants you to believe you are because it's just satisfying an immediate craving. No more, no less. If you tell your AV to shut up and ignore it, you're gaining power and taking away its control over you. This thought process is helping me tremendously to regain who I truly am and take control of my muscles and actions. You can do this, Silent. And we're all here to support you.

thomas11

I'm rooting for you SS, staying sober yesterday is a good start. I understand that warm relaxing buzz you speak of. At the time it makes you right with the world, when in reality, its destroying it. Right?

Soberwolf

Rootin for you too SilentSearch

SilentSearch

I feel my hand being held by your posts. It's helping so much.

OpenTuning

Hi Silentsearch,

Well done for starting again, and good luck with your Day 2. It isn't easy at first, that's for sure, but keep posting here no matter what happens. As often as you want. Everyone here wants to help you. In particular when you feel your cravings getting the better of you. Even taking that short break to log in and type out a message has helped many people on here ride out the wave and add another sober night to their total.