advice for newcomers
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
advice for newcomers
Hello! I wrote this awhile back for another member. I currently have over 9 months of sobriety and wanted to share in case it helps.
Many of the tools I used for originally obtaining sobriety continue to be tools I use. With some, they’ve helped me realize what thoughts and emotions.
The first tool I have used when I came to SR, was this fill in the blank, “I want to drink today because_______”. I would then think about why that was. I would name what circumstances that made me want to drink, the emotions behind them, as well as the thoughts behind me wanting to drink. By doing this, I was able to recognize certain thought patterns and emotions that caused cravings. If I was having these thoughts or emotions, I knew to be on the look-out. I also started working on my thought patterns.
Another tool I used concurrently, was making a plan. I did anything possible to keep myself distracted in early sobriety. Being at home was always a huge mental trigger for me since I used to do most of my drinking at home at night. Some days I had to get out. I would go window shopping, go to movies, go and workout, anything but drink. Some nights, I just went to bed. I also spent a lot of time on SR. I spent a lot of time reading and contributing. I think contributing Is very important. First, you learn a lot more from others. Secondly, you start building yourself a sober network you feel accountable to.
My next tool was working on my thought patterns with gratitude and positivity lists. If I was really negative about myself, I would make myself list positive qualities about myself. If I was being negative, I made myself make gratitude lists. It helped reframe my thoughts. If I kept on having issues, I would literally start interrupting my thoughts with “stop”.
Another tool I have used is the SR chat meetings. I have used these on a regular basis since I do not do AA. I have nothing against AA, but with SR, I have the chance to keep true anonymity, which is important to me.
HALT is also awesome (hungry, angry, lonely, tired). Some days when I had really bad cravings, I gave myself a flourless brownie (made from the skinnytaste recipe, so it’s fairly healthy). Eating would seriously would take the edge off of really bad cravings.
Other advice I have:
1. Make sobriety priority #1 and protect it. Don’t let your AV make excuses that you should change it. My sober b-day is right before thanksgiving, my wedding anniversary, Christmas, New Years, etc. I knew if I gave in, all bets were off since there was always something coming up. There is truly never a good time to quit. Also, don’t go anywhere you might be tempted, even special occasions. I have seen numerous people on the boards that swear they won’t drink when they go out with friends and while for some, it sometimes works out, many times it doesn’t.
2. There are always good days and bad days, but you have to be willing to fight through the bad days. I think one of the roughest patches most people go through is right around 4 months. I had a friend relapse at 4 months and they were ahead of me in their sober days by about a month. I used their experience and guidance to help me not relapse. Any time you relapse, it really does restart many things over again from everyone I’ve talked to. If you are struggling, reach out.
3. Two of the earliest lessons I learned when relapsing on SR (I relapsed twice early on, but got a lot of learning done from those 2 experiences)
a. don’t focus on what everyone else is doing and concentrate on your own sobriety. I was part of the November class thread briefly and many people on that thread were relapsing. I felt like everyone else was getting to have “fun” (that was my view at it at that point in time, but my feelings on that are much different now), so I decided to drink too. I almost didn’t come back. I was lucky Josharon cared enough to send me an email. I realized after that, I needed to concentrate on my own recovery. I got sober once for 2 weeks using in the rooms, but decided I was fine after that. Two years went by during that time very quickly.
b.if you relapse, it starts the recovery process all over again. With the second relapse, the cravings had gone away. I mistakenly figured I was fine and decided to drink. It started up the super fierce cravings all over again. I swore at myself for two straight weeks for picking up. It wasn’t worth it at all to fight cravings for 2 weeks for 1 night of drinking. I also found having to battle those cravings exhausting. I realized it was easier to stay sober than to be picking up and having to rebattle those cravings every single time.
4. give yourself a hard deadline as to what you will do if you can’t get sober on your own. I remember Dee saying that if I couldn’t get 90 days, that I likely had a problem and would need to get further support. I committed to myself that if I couldn’t get 90 days through SR, I would try AA. If I couldn’t still do it, I would look at intensive outpatient and then inpatient if need be if I kept having issues.
5. getting sober is tough work. This is one of the things that has kept me sober. Even though I haven’t experienced a lot of things many others have (seizures, physical withdrawal, lots of PAWS), if I relapsed, it could be me. I don’t want to have to go through getting sober again. Once has been more than enough. From everything I’ve read, every time you quit, it gets harder, esp the older you get.
6. If you are thinking about picking up, rat yourself out. I did that when my husband was gone for a conference. I got all sorts of wonderful advice and it made myself accountable.
7. Be gentle with yourself in early sobriety. When I first got sober, being sober was my priority. I still had classes and other responsibilities. However, I think many people make the mistake of trying to take on too much at once (diet, caffeine, weight, etc.). It’s not a bad idea to ease yourself into doing certain things, but it doesn’t have to happen all at once. I knew if I tried to do too much at once, I was going to go back to drinking since it would be easier. I’ve built things in over time.
8. Realize it is ultimately your responsibility if you pick up. This can be hard to do, but it is important to realize this. At the end of the day, it is ultimately my decision whether I pick up or not. No person, situation, anything except myself can make me drink. It is also going to be me that faces the consequences if I do pick up.
9. Live in the now. Don’t spend lots of time thinking about the past. The past is done. It cannot be changed. Also, do not spend too much time thinking about the future. It can be overwhelming, esp when thinking about quitting drinking. The days really do add up after awhile.
10. Live in the solution and forgive yourself. Realize you are getting sober and moving yourself forward.
11. Replacement drinks are wonderful. I still use lots of replacement drinks…..various loose leaf teas and flavors of seltzer water,
12. Everybody’s recovery is different. What takes some people very little time to have occur may take longer for you, and other’s recoveries may take longer than yours or may have more complications.
13. Be patient. Recovery is a process and doesn’t happen overnight.
14. Reflect on why you are glad you quit drinking on a regular basis.
15. Commit to doing specific recovery activities and make sure you stay committed to them or another recovery related activity. I commit myself to the SR chat meetings every Tuesday and Thursday unless an extremely rare circumstance occurs (family comes in from out of state or I am out of town). I also commit myself to the 24 hour thread every single day. I also spend time reading SR and commenting on SR on topics I think I can help with.
Many of the tools I used for originally obtaining sobriety continue to be tools I use. With some, they’ve helped me realize what thoughts and emotions.
The first tool I have used when I came to SR, was this fill in the blank, “I want to drink today because_______”. I would then think about why that was. I would name what circumstances that made me want to drink, the emotions behind them, as well as the thoughts behind me wanting to drink. By doing this, I was able to recognize certain thought patterns and emotions that caused cravings. If I was having these thoughts or emotions, I knew to be on the look-out. I also started working on my thought patterns.
Another tool I used concurrently, was making a plan. I did anything possible to keep myself distracted in early sobriety. Being at home was always a huge mental trigger for me since I used to do most of my drinking at home at night. Some days I had to get out. I would go window shopping, go to movies, go and workout, anything but drink. Some nights, I just went to bed. I also spent a lot of time on SR. I spent a lot of time reading and contributing. I think contributing Is very important. First, you learn a lot more from others. Secondly, you start building yourself a sober network you feel accountable to.
My next tool was working on my thought patterns with gratitude and positivity lists. If I was really negative about myself, I would make myself list positive qualities about myself. If I was being negative, I made myself make gratitude lists. It helped reframe my thoughts. If I kept on having issues, I would literally start interrupting my thoughts with “stop”.
Another tool I have used is the SR chat meetings. I have used these on a regular basis since I do not do AA. I have nothing against AA, but with SR, I have the chance to keep true anonymity, which is important to me.
HALT is also awesome (hungry, angry, lonely, tired). Some days when I had really bad cravings, I gave myself a flourless brownie (made from the skinnytaste recipe, so it’s fairly healthy). Eating would seriously would take the edge off of really bad cravings.
Other advice I have:
1. Make sobriety priority #1 and protect it. Don’t let your AV make excuses that you should change it. My sober b-day is right before thanksgiving, my wedding anniversary, Christmas, New Years, etc. I knew if I gave in, all bets were off since there was always something coming up. There is truly never a good time to quit. Also, don’t go anywhere you might be tempted, even special occasions. I have seen numerous people on the boards that swear they won’t drink when they go out with friends and while for some, it sometimes works out, many times it doesn’t.
2. There are always good days and bad days, but you have to be willing to fight through the bad days. I think one of the roughest patches most people go through is right around 4 months. I had a friend relapse at 4 months and they were ahead of me in their sober days by about a month. I used their experience and guidance to help me not relapse. Any time you relapse, it really does restart many things over again from everyone I’ve talked to. If you are struggling, reach out.
3. Two of the earliest lessons I learned when relapsing on SR (I relapsed twice early on, but got a lot of learning done from those 2 experiences)
a. don’t focus on what everyone else is doing and concentrate on your own sobriety. I was part of the November class thread briefly and many people on that thread were relapsing. I felt like everyone else was getting to have “fun” (that was my view at it at that point in time, but my feelings on that are much different now), so I decided to drink too. I almost didn’t come back. I was lucky Josharon cared enough to send me an email. I realized after that, I needed to concentrate on my own recovery. I got sober once for 2 weeks using in the rooms, but decided I was fine after that. Two years went by during that time very quickly.
b.if you relapse, it starts the recovery process all over again. With the second relapse, the cravings had gone away. I mistakenly figured I was fine and decided to drink. It started up the super fierce cravings all over again. I swore at myself for two straight weeks for picking up. It wasn’t worth it at all to fight cravings for 2 weeks for 1 night of drinking. I also found having to battle those cravings exhausting. I realized it was easier to stay sober than to be picking up and having to rebattle those cravings every single time.
4. give yourself a hard deadline as to what you will do if you can’t get sober on your own. I remember Dee saying that if I couldn’t get 90 days, that I likely had a problem and would need to get further support. I committed to myself that if I couldn’t get 90 days through SR, I would try AA. If I couldn’t still do it, I would look at intensive outpatient and then inpatient if need be if I kept having issues.
5. getting sober is tough work. This is one of the things that has kept me sober. Even though I haven’t experienced a lot of things many others have (seizures, physical withdrawal, lots of PAWS), if I relapsed, it could be me. I don’t want to have to go through getting sober again. Once has been more than enough. From everything I’ve read, every time you quit, it gets harder, esp the older you get.
6. If you are thinking about picking up, rat yourself out. I did that when my husband was gone for a conference. I got all sorts of wonderful advice and it made myself accountable.
7. Be gentle with yourself in early sobriety. When I first got sober, being sober was my priority. I still had classes and other responsibilities. However, I think many people make the mistake of trying to take on too much at once (diet, caffeine, weight, etc.). It’s not a bad idea to ease yourself into doing certain things, but it doesn’t have to happen all at once. I knew if I tried to do too much at once, I was going to go back to drinking since it would be easier. I’ve built things in over time.
8. Realize it is ultimately your responsibility if you pick up. This can be hard to do, but it is important to realize this. At the end of the day, it is ultimately my decision whether I pick up or not. No person, situation, anything except myself can make me drink. It is also going to be me that faces the consequences if I do pick up.
9. Live in the now. Don’t spend lots of time thinking about the past. The past is done. It cannot be changed. Also, do not spend too much time thinking about the future. It can be overwhelming, esp when thinking about quitting drinking. The days really do add up after awhile.
10. Live in the solution and forgive yourself. Realize you are getting sober and moving yourself forward.
11. Replacement drinks are wonderful. I still use lots of replacement drinks…..various loose leaf teas and flavors of seltzer water,
12. Everybody’s recovery is different. What takes some people very little time to have occur may take longer for you, and other’s recoveries may take longer than yours or may have more complications.
13. Be patient. Recovery is a process and doesn’t happen overnight.
14. Reflect on why you are glad you quit drinking on a regular basis.
15. Commit to doing specific recovery activities and make sure you stay committed to them or another recovery related activity. I commit myself to the SR chat meetings every Tuesday and Thursday unless an extremely rare circumstance occurs (family comes in from out of state or I am out of town). I also commit myself to the 24 hour thread every single day. I also spend time reading SR and commenting on SR on topics I think I can help with.
)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 3
Thank you for the post. After 10 years of drinking from age 16 to now 26 I have decided to put down the drinks. I have dealt with anxiety, self esteem, and depression for as long as I can remember so I always resorted to alcohol. I finally see that alcohol is of no worth to me and my life has much better things planned. On day 3 and it just feels good to have a clear head for once. I will keep coming back here for advice, and of course to contribute. Thanks, once again 
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 174
Hey Strat -
Congratulations on 8 months! Incredible. It's surely an inspiration to so many here.
By no means am I trying to critique, as you have had an amount of sober time I can only dream of. But one thing I I think would be important to add to this is some of the benefits you experience. I think for those in early sobriety, or even those considering it, it's important to see more than just the discipline and the struggle. I can only speak for myself on this point, but I know when I was initially struggling with this I was very prone to an alcoholic mindset set of "I'd rather live sick and drunk if sobriety just means a miserable, arduous existence." Basically, I think it's really important to mention benefits when mentioning the work involved - because it's hard work.
Congratulations on 8 months! Incredible. It's surely an inspiration to so many here.
By no means am I trying to critique, as you have had an amount of sober time I can only dream of. But one thing I I think would be important to add to this is some of the benefits you experience. I think for those in early sobriety, or even those considering it, it's important to see more than just the discipline and the struggle. I can only speak for myself on this point, but I know when I was initially struggling with this I was very prone to an alcoholic mindset set of "I'd rather live sick and drunk if sobriety just means a miserable, arduous existence." Basically, I think it's really important to mention benefits when mentioning the work involved - because it's hard work.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
Originally Posted by Scram 
By no means am I trying to critique, as you have had an amount of sober time I can only dream of. But one thing I I think would be important to add to this is some of the benefits you experience. I think for those in early sobriety, or even those considering it, it's important to see more than just the discipline and the struggle. I can only speak for myself on this point, but I know when I was initially struggling with this I was very prone to an alcoholic mindset set of "I'd rather live sick and drunk if sobriety just means a miserable, arduous existence." Basically, I think it's really important to mention benefits when mentioning the work involved - because it's hard work.
I know there was a thread awhile back that was along the lines of , "what I don't miss about drinking", but I'm not finding it. Here is a thread that is similar, but not as long about some of the benefits others have experienced.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...g-alcohol.html
A few of my favorite benefits of not drinking, "not having to check the recycle bin the next morning to see how much damage I did the night before, no longer worrying about my health all the time, no longer having to check my phone or email to see what stupid things I sent while drunk, not having to empty said recycle bin and cringe at the noise it made, not having to hear, "how are you feeling after last night?", feeling free to do what I want to do whenever I want versus being stuck at home after a couple of drinks. "
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