Sleepbetteray

Hi SR. It's been a few weeks since I've posted. I got hammered Sunday. Just woke up and went back to my old auto-pilot and ended up getting pretty smashed. I'm on day three again after 45 days drink free.

My wife suspected it, questioned me: I denied and convinced her I just wasn't feeling well. Which was actually true because I didn't eat much all day and drank 12 beers in about 4 hours.

I haven't told her but I know I have to. I'm full of guilt and shame. The last month and a half have been so much better for me, my marriage, business, etc...before Sunday.

Any advice on the best way to tell her?

Thanks and lots of love, SR

Bellamiaa

Just rip the bandaid off. The guilt will go away and you can start tomorrow on day four
Congrats on day 3!
xo

ScottFromWI

Welcome back, 45 days is good stretch, perhaps you can build on whatever plan you had then and tweak/add to it?

Regarding how to tell your wife, just tell the truth. Honesty is very important to sobriety,

SoberFish

How long before you started did you know you were going to drink? Was this due to a window of opportunity? Curious to learn what triggered this. Sounds like what I'm very capable of doing. Welcome back and best wishes staying sober.

Saylor

In reviewing this site, I find it so curious that you all seem to forget that the first drink starts in the mind....I hear questions like what "triggered it" umm, I a alcoholic, ANYTHING can trigger it, great day, job promotion, bad day, getting fired, great day with kids, bad day with kids, argued with wife, had the best day ever with wife....by thinking that if you can control your "triggers" you are already losing,,,anything at anytime can be a trigger if your alcoholic...I identified my triggers years ago, and after 10 years of sobriety, drank again, if it was a as easy as identifying one's triggers, this would not be the hardest thing ever to do.

SoberFish

What's your point Saylor? Are you here to help other alcoholics, or to criticize a curiosity of mine from a relapse related topic?

Soberwolf

Welcome bk bud

FrankLapidas

Just be honest with her. And yourself. Since you'd already done 45 (!) days, you'll do fine. Hang in there.

NestWasEmpty

As you said , She suspected , but most likely let you off the hook . "If" she thinks at all like me . Instead of pressing the issue , arguing or making this worse . Could be she decided to wait for you to be upfront ?
Things happen , I would just say " I tried I fell , I didn't want to hurt you ..
Ditto on other posts , Nice length of time !! Stop & add to it .

LilyMarie

As others have said, just rip off that band-aid and be honest with her.
45 days is amazing. You've done it once before, you can certainly do it again (and for a much longer period).

Anna

Welcome back.

As others have said, it's best if you tell your wife the truth. Hopefully she has seen a big improvement in the last 45 days and will understand that you can get back to it.

Incontrol15

You are right to a degree. Everything is a trigger. Some of them are strong though. In this case, there may have been something strong. One of my harder triggers to deal with initially was celebrating. I needed to find alternative ways to reward myself. Knowing that, when something popped up worth celebrating, I would apply some of the alternatives I previously developed. A lot of my ideas didn't work at first, so I had to keep looking and trying.

The bottom line...there's possibly something here that needs a little work. Now would be a good time to reflect on that and come up with some plans. Defense is almost always more important than offense. Might just need to draw out a defensive play if there wasn't one before or draw up a new one if a play was designed but didn't do its job.

To the OP...
It's a BIG step to your sobriety to just lay it on the table. Let her know you are disappointed and mostly sorry you were not truthful at first. You've had time to reflect and you recognize that you're in this together and that lying is our addiction's go-to defense. Let her know you want to take that play away. What follows will follow. She may be mad, she may be sad. But she'll know you're serious about this and that's what really counts.

SoberLeigh

Welcome back, Sleepbetteray. I agree with the others - honesty is best.

PurpleKnight

Welcome back!!

Go at things again, tweak your plan and you'll get there!!

Sleepbetteray

I appreciate greatly all the comments and advice. I told her about an hour after making the OP.

Obviously she was disappointed but appreciated my telling her.

I'm back to day 4 and while I am disappointed I failed I have new found confidence in staying sober.

Thanks again!

Mark1014

That's great Sleepbetteray. You'll likely rest better tonight getting that off your chest. Fresh new weekend lies ahead to walk the walk. Best wishes to you.

Incontrol15

Good for you. That's a big deal and a huge win for you. We all got so good at lying. It's a very bad path to start walking on. You just jumped right off it!

Huge high-five!

Soberwolf

you done good SBR

Dee74

I'm glad you told her Ray - it was the right thing to do

Hevyn

I'm sure you're relieved. Sometimes we need to prove to ourselves there's nothing in it for us anymore. It does nothing but cause misery & anxiety. You're back on track - that's what counts.