A Couple Years Later - Same Spot
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: California
Posts: 50
A Couple Years Later - Same Spot
Hi Guys,
I've been off of this site for a couple of years now and am still struggling with my drinking. I know I need to do something different but am at a bit of a loss figuring that out. I was in rehab last year - admitted for xanax addiction that developed when I tried to switch from alcohol to xanax. It worked for a while (the xanax) but ultimately was drinking and taking xanax and very close to death.
I haven't had a pill since May of 2014 and was completely sober for 8 months until relapsing in Jan or Feb of this year. I've been on quite the bender for the past 5 weeks and am taking more and more risky chances (driving, etc.). I 'commit' to stopping about every three days, take a day off, and am back at it again....almost unaware of that first drink.
My drinking is starting to really strain my marriage and can't be good for my 1 and 3 year old boys. I know this is hard for my wife and need to put her and my boys first. And I know I can't do that unless I am sober. Going back to rehab is not in the cards for me. I asked my Doc about prescribing me some antabuse for accountability but was told only if I go into rehab. So that's out. I have spent years in and out of AA and while I appreciate the program, it has not worked for me. The two years I was sober in my 20's were due to a big internal change and adopting a completely healthy lifestyle. I think I need to get back on that path.
I am trying to remember just for today....though I woke up yesterday saying that and was drinking by 4. Office just re-stocked the liquor cabinet. I have to beat this despite it being around me...that's just life. Anyway, I know alcohol is going to kill me and I feel consequences just looming. I do not want to drink anymore. Any advice or suggestions appreciated. Best to you all.
I've been off of this site for a couple of years now and am still struggling with my drinking. I know I need to do something different but am at a bit of a loss figuring that out. I was in rehab last year - admitted for xanax addiction that developed when I tried to switch from alcohol to xanax. It worked for a while (the xanax) but ultimately was drinking and taking xanax and very close to death.
I haven't had a pill since May of 2014 and was completely sober for 8 months until relapsing in Jan or Feb of this year. I've been on quite the bender for the past 5 weeks and am taking more and more risky chances (driving, etc.). I 'commit' to stopping about every three days, take a day off, and am back at it again....almost unaware of that first drink.
My drinking is starting to really strain my marriage and can't be good for my 1 and 3 year old boys. I know this is hard for my wife and need to put her and my boys first. And I know I can't do that unless I am sober. Going back to rehab is not in the cards for me. I asked my Doc about prescribing me some antabuse for accountability but was told only if I go into rehab. So that's out. I have spent years in and out of AA and while I appreciate the program, it has not worked for me. The two years I was sober in my 20's were due to a big internal change and adopting a completely healthy lifestyle. I think I need to get back on that path.
I am trying to remember just for today....though I woke up yesterday saying that and was drinking by 4. Office just re-stocked the liquor cabinet. I have to beat this despite it being around me...that's just life. Anyway, I know alcohol is going to kill me and I feel consequences just looming. I do not want to drink anymore. Any advice or suggestions appreciated. Best to you all.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
RiverFriend, glad you came back. You may not feel that AA works for you, I didn't either until I decided that being sober was way more important than any prejudices I had. In addition, there are other groups based on different philosophies.
IMHO, this is such a nasty disease that if we want to get and stay sober, we need to commit to doing whatever it takes. Here's how I finally quit: IOP (intensive outpatient program) with backup of inpatient rehab if that didn't work; AA - and not just attending meetings but actively participating; psychotherapy, daily posting on SR, reading Newcomers' threads daily and responding when I think I have something to add.
I wrote up a comprehensive gratitude list, made a summary of the pros and cons of drinking and also of not drinking; I avoided people, places and things that could potentially result in my slipping.
In other words, this is so important to me that I will do anything and everything to stay sober. My life depends on it.
IMHO, this is such a nasty disease that if we want to get and stay sober, we need to commit to doing whatever it takes. Here's how I finally quit: IOP (intensive outpatient program) with backup of inpatient rehab if that didn't work; AA - and not just attending meetings but actively participating; psychotherapy, daily posting on SR, reading Newcomers' threads daily and responding when I think I have something to add.
I wrote up a comprehensive gratitude list, made a summary of the pros and cons of drinking and also of not drinking; I avoided people, places and things that could potentially result in my slipping.
In other words, this is so important to me that I will do anything and everything to stay sober. My life depends on it.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by RiverFriendAgn 
I was in rehab last year...
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back RiverFriend. Realizing the problem and seeking help is a great first step, glad you've come back to SR to seek it.
One thing that sticks out to me in your reply is that you have a pretty good list if things that you "can't" or "won't" do. Rehab isn't in the cards. You can't get antabuse. AA does isn't for you. Those things might all be true, but one of the things that you'll find is that every recovery method is going to require you do do things that you don't want to do. There is no "easy" way to get sober. Even if you are able to get a prescription for antabuse, it is not a recovery method - it's usually a temporary solution until one can get started in a recovery program.
There are other options though - AVRT or some of the self paced methods that you can read about here. There are also other meeting-based recovery methods like LifeRing and Celebrate Recovery. Don't rule outpatient rehab out or addictions counseling either.
Bottom line though, none of them will work if you don't have a desire to get sober or put ion the necessary time. Your 8 month stretch proves that you can built up exteneded sobriety time...build on that moving forward.
One thing that sticks out to me in your reply is that you have a pretty good list if things that you "can't" or "won't" do. Rehab isn't in the cards. You can't get antabuse. AA does isn't for you. Those things might all be true, but one of the things that you'll find is that every recovery method is going to require you do do things that you don't want to do. There is no "easy" way to get sober. Even if you are able to get a prescription for antabuse, it is not a recovery method - it's usually a temporary solution until one can get started in a recovery program.
There are other options though - AVRT or some of the self paced methods that you can read about here. There are also other meeting-based recovery methods like LifeRing and Celebrate Recovery. Don't rule outpatient rehab out or addictions counseling either.
Bottom line though, none of them will work if you don't have a desire to get sober or put ion the necessary time. Your 8 month stretch proves that you can built up exteneded sobriety time...build on that moving forward.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
RF - I sort of tried different things to get sober for years. Bounced around meetings and chit chatted with friends I met. Read some books - took some antabuse, Nothing stuck. Nothing worked.
Then I reached a point of acceptance and willingness I never had reached before. I verbalized a lot that alcohol could kill me, but came to truly understand this statement. It will and it does, daily.
Sobriety is an inside job............I had to come to terms with that. Once I did, I think any legit program I engaged with for support couldn't fail. It wasn't the program not working, it was me not working a program.
Keep coming back, glad you're here!
Then I reached a point of acceptance and willingness I never had reached before. I verbalized a lot that alcohol could kill me, but came to truly understand this statement. It will and it does, daily.
Sobriety is an inside job............I had to come to terms with that. Once I did, I think any legit program I engaged with for support couldn't fail. It wasn't the program not working, it was me not working a program.
Keep coming back, glad you're here!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 24
[QUOTE=RiverFriendAgn;5530013 and am taking more and more risky chances (driving, etc.). [/QUOTE]
My drinking and driving led me to facing jail which was my rock bottom to stop drinking.
perhaps you could imagine what life would be like for yourself in jail or even worse car accidents directly responsible from your drink driving causing death.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease and life will only get worse by continuing to drink.
My drinking and driving led me to facing jail which was my rock bottom to stop drinking.
perhaps you could imagine what life would be like for yourself in jail or even worse car accidents directly responsible from your drink driving causing death.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease and life will only get worse by continuing to drink.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Welcome back,
I think Scott's comments are very good. I think the motivation behind your recovery is more important than the program you choose. You mention that following a completely healthy lifestyle helped you with sobriety. For me, I find that balance is the most important aspect in my lifestyle now, and that includes exercise and (usually) good eating habits.
I think Scott's comments are very good. I think the motivation behind your recovery is more important than the program you choose. You mention that following a completely healthy lifestyle helped you with sobriety. For me, I find that balance is the most important aspect in my lifestyle now, and that includes exercise and (usually) good eating habits.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I know this is hard for my wife and need to put her and my boys first.
I like your idea about the healthy lifestye. For me the healthy lifestyle helps keep me from drinking. IE i dont want to get drunk and try and go for a 10 mile run tommorrow etc..
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