thomas11

I don't know that its so important to me as it is that normal people can handle it, and I want to be normal. But I guess I'm not, at least when it comes to alcohol.

Venecia

No.

No, my friend, you cannot.

I'm with SilentRun. Keep posting. Keep asking. That's what we're here for.

I'm with Lexie and Anna. Your language suggests the classic romanticizing of the drink. That's a trick our AV likes to play on us.

If it were up to me, the occasionally posed suggestion -- "see if you can go 90 days without" -- is one we'd relegate to the scrap heap of bad ideas.

You know why? The 90-day test is about abstaining, nothing more. Many people abstain for many reasons. They're pregnant, they're using medication, they're trying to lose weight. They can abstain without giving it much thought. If they do drink, they view it as an occasional thing, something perhaps akin to a decadent piece of chocolate cake. They don't wind up eating the whole cake. They don't think ahead about when they can have their next drink. They don't plan around it.

The early phases of recovery are largely about abstinence. Or, I should say, that's my opinion and it was my experience.

The three-month stage is essential because it is when our mind starts shifting from the "I can do this!" of abstinence to the "this is a lifelong commitment" of sobriety.

Some people struggle with that. Letigo, Mags and Growpath all have kindly shared their own experience. Today, SR welcomed back a fellow journeyer, ArtFriend, who wrote: "You all were right and I was wrong. I could not 'hear' it at the time. My excellent adventure into moderation was an epic fail." All of those posts took guts and offer you insight into choosing sobriety.

I think you've reached a point where your mindset needs to shift to looking at sobriety as a lifelong choice affording you freedom, the opportunity to continue growing and, importantly, beginning the process of liking yourself enough to want a better life. I cannot think of a single person who came to SR saying "Although I am an alcoholic and need help, I really, truly like myself." We have to relearn liking ourselves -- and that is one of the most rewarding gifts sobriety offers us.

Keep posting, keep asking and remember that this isn't a sentence. It's freedom. Finally, freedom.

nyala

Hello,

This is a forum dedicated to alcoholics and other addicts help each other in the daily battle to not do the very thing which you are suggesting you 'give a try'

I've posted nearly 200 times in the last 71 days and spent a significant amount of time reading here and elsewhere.

I guess that means I am taking this seriously. I am an alcoholic.

You have posted over 1800 times. You must have read way more " I screwed up / thought I could moderate" posts than me, and there are a bunch of new ones every day.

I know alcoholism is progressive and moderation is almost unheard of.

Evidence, dear friend. Evidence. Don't do it. Don't even think it

All of that said, thank you for posting and sharing this thought.

thomas11

I want to thank everyone for sharing their experiences, and wow, some of you have pretty good memories regarding my own posts and stupidity.
I have this philosophy that I share with some people who are debating whether or not to do something. I tell people that if everyone around you thinks you are wrong, and you still think you are right, you are probably wrong. And that is what my OP has demonstrated to me. Not one person said "ok, give it a whirl, see what happens". So that indicates to me that my idea/thought is not wise. But as I replied to Dee, I think most people want to be normal, including me. If I am to be honest with myself, I'm pretty sure I would be back to being a weekend warrior again because I am definitely a person of habit. So once again, I threw it out there. But I am correct in that some people have offered up the advice to people to go 90 days alcohol free, and then re-evaluate, right?

nyala

Yes, yes and yes !

Thank you Venecia

Dee74

I think you got pretty close to it Jeff.
I wanted desperately to be normal too.

I'd beaten so many other things - I had so many impossible achievements - but I could not control my drinking.

I came into recovery thinking that was a weakness, a loss, a flaw in me.

Pretty soon when I found out who sober me was and what I could do, I began to see it as a strength. A gift

Even when you know it's the right thing to do, it still takes strength courage and determination to walk out of step with everyone else Jeff.

Maybe you need to start looking at this from another angle?

D

nyala

I like your decision making process.

Whatever anyone may have stated, I can't see what 90 days has to do with anything. Why not 30 or 300 ?

Either I am a person who can moderate, or a person who will slide back to the type of drinking that led me to come to SR originally. From my experience I have no evidence of being the former and heaps of evidence of being the latter type

Personally, I can't see any benefit whatsoever in taking a drink - and by extension that bet.

doggonecarl

I have said it, to the newcomer who comes here wondering if they are an alcoholic. I tell them go 90 days. That there is much to be learned in the struggle. The struggle. Not so much the attaining 90 days. Also ninety days gives them a chance to experience the positive effects of sobriety.

But if someone wants to drink, years and years sober won't stop them. So why would ninety days be an effective barrier? You got to start somewhere.

Venecia

Jeff, I think there's a point at which we all wish we were "normal." I used to use the term "normie" around here but don't any longer.

When I was still actively drinking -- meaning alcoholically -- I got together with a good friend who'd been fighting some medical problems, somewhat serious ones. She couldn't drink while on the medication she'd been prescribed. I asked if that was something that bugged her and she simply shrugged and said "no biggie."

That was a tough moment for me. I recognized that if our situations were reversed, it would be one helluva biggie for me. My health or the wine? Oh-oh.

I wish I could say I'd been wise enough to pursue sobriety then. But no, I continued on for several years. But it was certainly a crystallizing moment, one in which I couldn't deny that for me, "normal" had disappeared in the rear-view mirror a long time ago.

As far as drinking is concerned, that is.

It's taken time and focus on my wellness, but I think I'm one of the most normal people around. It's just that I'm a normal person who cannot drink.

Venecia

Lots of good, heartfelt feedback here, Jeff, to a relatively new thread.

I hope that gives you a sense of how much people here on SR care about you, friend.

thomas11

I don't understand, what do you mean by looking at it from another angle?

Dee74

From the 'walking to the beat of a different drum' angle rather than 'I'm not normal' Jeff

D

wehav2day

Jeff, I want to be 5' 8", 130# and rich. But I'm not.

I was given the same advice you mention, but to quit for 6 months. I did. I thought I was cured. I drank moderately for about a month than it was back to the bad times. Took me three more tries, three more years and a lot of heartache before I sobered up for real.

Look at your old posts, Jeff, decide for yourself.

Alcoholism is cunning,baffling, powerful. Chew on that a bit.

silentrun

There is your problem Jeff. You are signaling to your brain that something is being taken away from you. Change the way you talk to yourself and your perception will change too.

You think normal people drink a few here and there. Most normal people our age don't even drink at all. My husband is what you would call normal and I have seen him go years without alcohol. Part of being successful for me was changing the way I looked at the situation. Say that you. as a normal person, fully understand that continuing to drink at all under these circumstances is ridiculous.

The Crew was just at the Excel. I saw one drunk person out of the thousands there. Most were stone cold sober. Sober is normal.

Think you drink a lot? This chart will tell you. - The Washington Post

Recognizing when the AV is after you is great. After a while you will learn how to call BS on it right away.

grubby

90 days sounds about right.

I had my first ever "craving attack" a little over 90 days into it, it scared the CRAP out of me knowing that I was not "alone" in my head. It is a very unsettling feeling the first time it happens to you.

And I had vivid "alcohol themed" dreams scattered throughout 2014, but most happened during the first six months or so. So far in 2015 I have not had any of these bizarre "alcohol themed" dreams, which I find comforting. The dreams feel so real it's insane, you will "feel" drunk in the dream and it is very much a nightmare. You wake up quite disturbed, I guess you could call it an "AV attack while dreaming".

zjw

I had to accept that I was an alcoholic it just is what it is and I had to move forward and live within my new boundaries.

Who's normal anyhow?

I quit for 30 days once and proved that clearly I was not an alcoholic I proudly started drinking again picked right up where I left off and drank daily for I dunno almost another 10 years.

I also heard it said once I know I got another drink in me but I dun now if I have another recovery. This is a very true statement for me I'm not sure I could pull myself out of that gutter again.

letitgo

I have to agree with Fradely, Carl and many others. You have almost 2k posts on this site and you know what the right thing is.

A few questions in all seriousness
What does 90 days mean sober to you? Does it mean its ok to drink during any sport? Why wait until football season there is 15 baseball games a day. That makes nonsense to me.
Are waking up everyday with a sincere decision to sober recovery?
Did you just quit drinking because your on opiates?
What have you done to recover?

I think myself and others are worried you are stalled but still on the elevator that's going down. I hope you can take a good look in the mirror and focus on what exactly you want to accomplish. Remember how close you came with the 2 sip incident. Love and respect for you Jeff

thomas11

Reading through this thread made me think a little deeper about my proposition and that it is a bad idea. I drank to get drunk, not to be social, not because it tasted good. So, with that in mind, going back to getting drunk on Friday and being drunk pretty much all day Saturday to escape, relax, whatever you want to call it is just asking for trouble. Sunday is shot, most of Monday is shot, then starting to obsess over it on Thursday takes my focus off of important things. I've got about 90 days and I can't think of any negatives to this point. Nothing. Three things that I value very highly are a sharp mind, self confidence, and physically feeling good. I don't have those when drinking or recovering. This may sound petty and vengeful, but I feel kind of good showing those who doubted me, that they shouldn't have. But I need to keep it going because one relapse and I would get a big fat I told you so in my face.

Della1968

Hi this concerns me because it's very similar to your posts before your wife went away. I don't need to ask how that went for you. Have I had thoughts that perhaps someday I could safely drink? Of course. I could probably even pull it off for a little while. It's the time after I'm not able to pull it off anymore that scares the hell out of me. If I drink again it will kill me. Not sure how but I know in my heart it will. Not worth losing all I have rebuilt for a few drinks.

StayStrong33

I always thought the 90 day suggestion was to help alcoholics see how much better their life can be without alcohol. Posting whats on your mind is understandable but maybe focusing 100% on changing what you tend to post and think about would be a good idea? Romanticizing a drink is a huge red flag on the road to relapse. Turn around!