exwell66

my wife heard my conversation with somebody about my drinking ......was a so called sponser I was very angry she said she picked up the line by accident...really....am I wrong for being angry isn't that personal...she thinks that's open...I say no its not....thoughts

Crossfitdad

It's your wife, dude. The woman you took to forsake all others.

Rio97

Sounds like she was eavesdropping. You have a right to a private conversation. JMO

Dee74

You know your wife better than any of us here ex. Could it have been an accident? Only you can say.

If it wasn't an accident - I'd chalk it up to her being worried about you, my friend.

Have you talked to her about your struggle?

D

2WheelsGood

Yeah, I hope you can trust her to help you out with this. She is your wife.

That said, every marriage has it's boundaries. We don't read each other's email. I let her talk with her family alone. We both still shut the door when using the WC. Some things are best kept a little secret. But that's for the two of you to work out. Every marriage is different.

Austin4Wyo

Did she listen at length? Because picking up momentarily by accident seems plausible and downright believable.

Why, if you are doing the right things, is this an issue? I agree she shouldn't be snooping, but its not established that she was. Your statement of "she claims" strikes me as accusatory, as if you have reason to distrust her.

Just seems odd, thats all.

"Always Believe!" -The Ultimate Warrior

ScottFromWI

How did your call to the integroup go? Frankly I think you've got a lot larger issues to worry about other than your wife overhearing a phone conversation.

exwell66

call went well all I will say now.My wif didn't stumble upon the call ...imo that is my private conversation ....or let me read youe diary ...or sit in on any therapy gour going thru ...or when your taking a **** let me brush my teeth.....next to you

Fly N Buy

When I made the decision to get sober I talked to my wife , a sponsor, friends and other family. I was desperate for help and needed all the support I could find. I set aside my pride and ego. I was spiritually bankrupt and new if I did not change I would die prematurely. I would be gone forever with loved ones remembering me as the man who succumbed to friggin booze.

No!

I didn't care who heard what. Anything I was told I did. I stopped fighting everything and everybody. I wanted to live.

I opened my ears and heart and closed my mouth. I was not the smartest guy in the room.

Did your wife purposefully listen? No idea.
Are you in a life and death battle needing all allies you can get?
Only you know that.

Glad your here - hope you get past the little stuff and minor resentments focusing on the bigger picture.

HoldOnLoosely

You might want to have a calm conversation with your wife and let her know this bothered you. She might have a reasonable explanation. Please don't let this fester. Hopefully, you two will come to an understanding. In the unlikely event you don't, you can always respectfully request privacy regarding phone conversations with a sponsor.

Austin4Wyo

So...you have irrefutable proof that she eavesdropped with malicious intent? I'd be interested to hear the evidence.

Or, like I sometimes struggle with, is ego/pride figuring in?

I have found that people aren't typically out to get me. Its a shock to my ego and pride, for sure, since I like to think that I'm REALLY, REALLY, SUPER-DUPER IMPORTANT so that everyone notices ME!!!!!11!!1!1ELEVENTYshift

Perverse pride is a symptom of my disease. Its also a major obstacle for personal responsibility. Your mileage may vary, but if you're so utterly offended, perhaps it would be wise to return to self examination rather than outward accusation.

"Always Believe!" -The Ultimate Warrior

Rio97

The guy has a right to a private phone conversation. Nothing difficult to figure out about that.

Austin4Wyo

Without knowing what agreements are in place with his wife, I agree. All I asked for is some insight into how he has arrived at the conclusion she was acting inappropriately and with malice.

Its easy for me to get accusatory to protect myself. Usually, that stems from my own fear. I can either work through my fear and overcome, or I can let it rule me and interfere with my recovery. Others' mileage may vary.

"Always Believe!" -The Ultimate Warrior

FarToGo

I agree!

blueberry2015

Im my opinion your wife should not of listened to your conversation without your permission. You have a sponsor right... so presuming your in AA - Alcholic ANNOYMOUS. Not only has it infringed on your confidentiality but that of your sponsor. I would have a chat with her.. these conversations are between you and your sponser unless you AND your sponsor agree otherwise. She was in the wrong.

blueberry2015

Just out of interest is your sponsor male or female?

Zebra1275

I would be a little upset that a private conversation was overhead by my wife.

But I cheated in our marriage with another woman and lied about it and tried to hide it from my wife.

The "other woman" was alcohol.

doggonecarl

You hid your drinking--a symptom of alcoholism--from your spouse. Don't hide your recovery.

Saskia

Although in general I don't like people listening in to my private conversations, I agree that it might be best to discuss with your wife. She may be very concerned about you and your relationship and this could be an expression of caring. Before I became an alcoholic, I was married to a person who was both an alcoholic and a very heavy pot user. That was most definitely a disaster in the making! So I've seen this from both sides.

And remember that the AV loves secrecy!