ScottFromWI

Are you sober enough to get yourself to the meeting? I am sure that you could call ahead and arrange a ride if you need it too.

Tracy999

If you are "ok" and not disruptive go to the meeting. While you are there get a list of numbers and a temporary sponsor. Go early or stay late and find another woman you can talk to.

You don't have to do this alone.

((Hugs))

StrongEnough

Some people might not like this, but I need to say this. AA meetings aren't a place for somebody who's under the influence. You need a period of sobriety to become a part of the community as your true self, rather than a version of yourself that's emotionally and physically impaired with alcohol.

We're all here for you on this site no matter what you choose, but I think your AA experience will be the most helpful if you begin it with an unclouded mind.

You really matter, please stay strong.

Meraviglioso

I went to the meeting and am so glad I did. There were only 4 people and one had a medical emergency while there. We called the ambulance but I rubbed his back and thanked him for being there. The leader of the group was a young woman similar in age to me, though without children. The other two women were very kind, they spoke to me, invited me back and gave me packet of literature. I am happy I went.

Delfin

Ciao, Mera,

I am not doing AA myself, but I'm glad you went to the meeting and got some help. I hope you will continue to work towards sobriety.

Stay strong and be well.

Delfin

thomas11

Hi Mera, regarding your boyfriend, think it through. He sounds wonderful. Many people go through their entire lives not finding love. Also, what if he was the opposite? What if he demanded control of your entire life, from what clothes you wear to your weight to when you can leave the house? Your sobriety is your journey.
Now, regarding your most recent post, sorry to hear you are drinking. If you are on your knees begging for help, maybe get over to that AA meeting. I have never been so I don't know the rules on attending while under the influence, but you joined in 2014 so you clearly aren't brand new to this. Maybe you need to reach the point where you want to be sober MORE than you want to drink. I hear that has a pretty high success rate. I am pulling for you. Get through this day and start fresh tomorrow. Learn from this. Please.

Eddiebuckle

Hi Mera,

I'm glad you went to the meeting tonight. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking, and so long as your state was not disruptive, it's OK.

As to your boyfriend, as others have pointed out, this is your journey not his. It is not his job to understand, because God willing he never gets to that point. No normal person could understand the desperation it takes to quit drinking. It is described in the AA big book as "that jumping off place," which is exactly what it feels like - no idea how far down you're headed or what's at the bottom, but anything is better than another day in addiction.

As your sobriety and actions to support it evolve, so will your relationship with your boyfriend. Without sobriety, odds are things will continue to head south, that's the nature of the disease.

In the early days, we need to surround ourselves with people who are at least neutral to our sobriety, or the odds of making it are pretty slim. Talk about this the next time you are at that meeting. And if you didn't get any phone numbers while you were there, I strongly urge you to do so next time. Most alcoholics in early sobriety need daily contact with others on the same journey, and I cannot imagine its any different there, its just that the meetings are less frequent. Pick up that 1,000 pound phone rather than a drink - it works.

The things my sponsor told me I needed to do to get and stay sober:

• don't drink
• go to meetings
• read the literature (AA's big book, 12 & 12, other recovery books)
• get a sponsor
• work the steps

Your life will change, gradually at first, but in the course of months if you do these things, your life will change dramatically. That has been my experience.

All the best.

fini

so good to hear you went to the meeting, Mera.
of course you can go to an AA meeting when you've been drinking.
and if you werte to get really disruptive, someone would likely go outside with you and chat in private.
since it was an ok experience, i hope you'll go again.

i love what your bf is doing in taking care of himself when you're drunk, and i love just how he's doing it, matter-of-fact, no begging, no judging, no drama. and so unconditional.

yes, it's yours to take care of, the drinking, the quitting, the finding what works.

IOAA2

Hi.

In my attending 14,000+ meetings over the years I never heard such bull crap or agree with it.

Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism.

AND

Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.

Perhaps some of us think about this: active alcoholics are not much welcome at bars, hospitals, Drs offices, work, home, jails and on and on.

Who welcomes them when they are not disruptive? AA


BE WELL

IOAA2

I suggest that you stay very close to the WOMEN at the meetings you attend. Get and USE their phone #s because it helps them sometimes more than you at times. Please don’t get the feeling “I don’t want to bother them.” They can save your soul and help escape from the misery encounter by drinking.

BE WELL

Austin4Wyo

Thanks for this. While one person may have an opinion, it is the group conscience which must be considered, and the AA Preamble says those things because they have been agreed upon by the larger whole. I find it almost offensive to think that one needs to be sober a period before they're allowed into AA. "Get yourself together, then we'll take you!" If I could have gotten myself together on my own, I wouldn't need AA.

Meri, I've been in that spot where the anxiety of the first meeting is dispelled, and the relief washed over me. The hard part for me is keeping at it.

I need to go to meetings, have a sponsor, and work the steps as well as abstain from drinking. I have to work the ENTIRE program. Its not enough to just do part.

I hope you keep going and dedicate yourself to getting healthy. We don't have to live in the altered, hopeless reality of active addiction. I'm sure as you grow to love yourself more, you'll have a deeper relstionship with your boyfriend as well.



"Always Believe!" -The Ultimate Warrior

Nuudawn

I'm glad that throughout the progress of this thread you found both support here and at the meeting. It's funny how we are all so very different. I am very much hold myself responsible for my sobriety. As a matter of fact, I am actually "triggered" by those who want to "man (or woman) my sobriety for me"...to me they are "overfunctioning" and somehow taking from me what does not belong to them. What I did find interesting is that you admitted to drinking at some point in this thread or perhaps when it orginated? I'm not sure but what I did wonder was were somehow trying to "make him responsible for your drinking" since he was not taking any responsibility in keeping you sober? Either way... the responsibility (in my eyes) is ours.

DoubleDragons

I understand your hurt. I honestly believe that my husband doesn't want to believe that his beloved has a problem with alcohol. Don't get me wrong, he is thrilled that I quit drinking, and he essentially has quit with me, but when I decided to quit drinking, he told me that I was "too hard on myself." When I reached one year sober, dozens of friends and family members remembered the date, everyone here at SR was incredibly supportive and my husband didn't say one darn thing about it. I communicated my hurt and I got beautiful flowers the next day, but I also have evolved to understand that he really doesn't "get it" and that is okay. He loves me and he supports me, but not being an alcoholic himself, he just doesn't get it. And to be his best partner and to be an excellent mother to our children, I have to love and support and be responsible to myself and my sobriety is a big part of this.

StrongEnough

I don't mean to offend and I respect that a lot of people don't agree with me. I would never even consider telling someone to leave a meeting for being intoxicated because I know first hand how vulnerable and in pain that person is. I've just seen a lot of clearly intoxicated people at meetings and their stories often don't have happy endings. Alcohol messes with our thoughts and emotions so much that it's hard to begin your path to sobriety when you're already under the influence. This isn't a place for judgement, though, and I'm sorry for taking it in that direction.

I'm glad Meraviglioso got support and I truly hope she can go to her next meeting sober, if only for 24 hours.

FallAhead

Hello My New Friend,
I have read the posts. Thank you for sharing. I want to respond but I need to think about it.

Fly N Buy

.

DaSilverSurfer

Mera, first thank you for posting and I just wanted to respond as far as my journey. Around 2 years ago when my drinking became very problematic I wanted to be understood by those who related to me, whether that was intimately (Relationships) or associations ( friendships , family etc) When I did not get that support I was disappointed that it seemed that people didn't care enough to want to support me and be there for me in the way "i think I needed them" at that point in my sobriety. I felt let down.

The reality of my situation was this, when I took the time by myself to look at the situation for what it was. I am totally responsible for my life....Me and ME ALONE. That means all my decisions, actions, dreams, goals outcomes, habits (good and bad) choices etc. I believe we are fortunate if we have those who love us enough to want to aid us in getting better in sobriety and its truly a blessing if you have those type of people around. The truth is that those who drink with us and around us cannot understand problematic drinking if they don't have the same issues themselves. They just can't comprehend it the way in which we do, so they are foreign to it.

I was fortunate that I had a couple of people who pointed out my problems with my drinking and showed me tough love and addressed it to me. That was as far as it went, I've had to love myself enough to do the work to address it head on...they cannot do that for me. I've had to change some of those friendships and stop socializing with alot of those said people who used to enable my drinking. So yeah, I don't get the calls or check in's on how's the sobriety coming? Are you doing alright in your journey with sobriety? How can I help you in this time? Would I Like that ....of course I would but the reality is I can't afford to sit around and wait for it or depend on it...This is my journey.

I agree with some of the posts earlier that you may find it best to be around people who have had your same issues. I think what alot of people love about SR is that its like minded people who have had or having the same issues, they empathize, they understand, they've been there. I've gotten the support I've craved here more so than people who I thought I would get it from in my own life. Mera, you have to love yourself enough to do this for you and if you get support along the way from those you love count it as a blessing but don't get too caught up in expecting it, because that expectation can let you down. Hope this has been of some value to you and keep on coming back here and get the support you need by any means necessary.

FallAhead

Awesome Silver Surfer

PurpleKnight

Hang in there Mera, it can be tough to get others to understand our journey and at times it can feel like we're on our own, but explaining addiction to someone who doesn't have the same issue can fall short in many ways.

For me even understanding it myself was a tough one, I needed others with insight and experience to learn from, and so for someone who doesn't have an addiction even more so.

I think it's important therefore to have support and communication with other people who are in recovery themselves, that can help us feel less alone!!

tursiops999

Hi Mera. It can be tough when one's significant other doesn't understand what we're going through. I agree with other posters -- being around other recovering people really helps.

My husband wanted to be supportive, and he was very proud of me for getting sober, which he told me frequently. But at the same time ... he didn't completely understand what it meant to try to get sober, and what was required. Like just a couple weeks into my sobriety, he wanted to go to a restaurant for dinner, which I agreed to. It was really hard to get through ordering food & not order a glass of wine, but I did it. After I told him, "I can't go to restaurants for awhile ... not ready". He was really surprised ... he thought that once I'd made the decision not to drink, it would be simple.

I found I had to take responsibility for myself and set my own boundaries. Now, after some sober time, I find I can go to restaurants without a problem, and am ok with there being beer in the house... but I couldn't deal with these things the first few months, and had to say so.

My husband is starting to understand more over time. But it was really important for me to go to AA meetings almost every day, especially the first few months, to be around people who understood without me having to explain! It helped so much to be a room full of people who knew exactly what I was going through, and tools that might help me.