Had a bad few days, just need to sit, think and ramble
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Rogersville, Tennessee
Posts: 2,659
Had a bad few days, just need to sit, think and ramble
Gonna just sit here and write for a few minutes. Had a horrible night at work, one of my pinsetters went down hard, it will be at least an 8 hour job to repair. This along with my truck problems over the last few days is really making me want to stop on the way home and have a few.
I'm thinking that a lot of it is just being tired, I only got about 3 hours sleep last night, my mind is fighting with itself. One side is saying go ahead and stop you know you can control it now. The other side (the smarter side) is saying, yeah you might control it tonight, but you know you, that will make it seem ok next week when something else happens, and soon you'll be looking for excuses everyday again.
My middle mind is saying, go post on SR until you past it, thats what got you this far in the first place.
The center is quiet now, I'm here alone, I know for a lot of people that could be dangerous, but for me it's quite safe, I enjoy the solitude.
I never really thought about HALT before, Hungry? yes I am, but I havent been shopping for a while because I had no truck. Angry? I'm not sure, frustrated is more like it. Lonely? I for one never get lonely, I really could go weeks without speaking to anyone and it wouldn't bother me one bit. Tired? of course, I only had 3 hours sleep last night.
OK so lets deal with them all
Hungry, I'm still at work, I have a vending machine, maybe a chocolate bar and a soda will get me past that.
Angry, in the past this frustration would have definately turned to angry. Why? there's nothing to be angry about, truck will run, pinsetter will get fixed, things like this and much worse happen to everyone , no reason to get angry.
Lonely, Alone and lonely are two completely different things, in fact sometimes I get frustrated with people that don't understand that it's ok for me to spend a lot of time by myself. Around the holidays it can get worse, so many people telling me I can't be alone and to come over and spend the day with their family. Hey, I've heard you complain about your family all year long, why would I want to hang around with them too! Being alone sure cuts down on the unwanted drama that comes with having lots of people around. So, lonely is definately not in the cards tonight!
Tired, yes my body is tired and sore and my mind is fried, but I know I cant shut it off right now, if I tried to sleep I would just toss and turn.
So now HALT has been analyzed, I think it's time to look ahead,
I'm confident my truck will work right in the morning, so, I'm gonna head into town early and treat myself to a nice breakfast at one of the beachside cafe's, get in early before it gets too hot to sit outside.
Next, the grocery store, not gonna shop heavy. I think just some serious comfort food, just enough to get me through a few days. Then head out to the store again Tuesday or Wednesday.
Will still have to Work from noon to 6:00, so I am glad that I started taking apart the broken assembly, I dont have one of the parts to finish it, so I cant do anything more until probably Wednesday, I cant do anything about it so there's no use fretting about the job ahead for a few days.
After work is Movie Night at the American Legion, we are showing "The Three Amigos", I've never seen it, I hear it's really funny.
I think Sunday will be "Critter Appreciation Day" take Jezebel out to the pet shop and let her pickout a new chew toy, and bring Max home some specialty cat food that he doesn't get too often.
Right now, just thinking toward the end of the weekend, I can only say , it sounds like a good ending, stopping on the way home would just ruin it.
I think I've been sitting and writing now for almost an hour. The craving is gone, I'm so filthy from tearing apart the broken assembly that a long shower will be necessary.
I was originally going to post this in the Marchers 13 thread, but just now I thought, I'd post it in newcomers, maybe, just maybe someone may see a lot of their last few days and decide to just do the best thing and if they read this till the end hopefully their craving is gone too.
Thanks for listening!
I'm thinking that a lot of it is just being tired, I only got about 3 hours sleep last night, my mind is fighting with itself. One side is saying go ahead and stop you know you can control it now. The other side (the smarter side) is saying, yeah you might control it tonight, but you know you, that will make it seem ok next week when something else happens, and soon you'll be looking for excuses everyday again.
My middle mind is saying, go post on SR until you past it, thats what got you this far in the first place.
The center is quiet now, I'm here alone, I know for a lot of people that could be dangerous, but for me it's quite safe, I enjoy the solitude.
I never really thought about HALT before, Hungry? yes I am, but I havent been shopping for a while because I had no truck. Angry? I'm not sure, frustrated is more like it. Lonely? I for one never get lonely, I really could go weeks without speaking to anyone and it wouldn't bother me one bit. Tired? of course, I only had 3 hours sleep last night.
OK so lets deal with them all
Hungry, I'm still at work, I have a vending machine, maybe a chocolate bar and a soda will get me past that.
Angry, in the past this frustration would have definately turned to angry. Why? there's nothing to be angry about, truck will run, pinsetter will get fixed, things like this and much worse happen to everyone , no reason to get angry.
Lonely, Alone and lonely are two completely different things, in fact sometimes I get frustrated with people that don't understand that it's ok for me to spend a lot of time by myself. Around the holidays it can get worse, so many people telling me I can't be alone and to come over and spend the day with their family. Hey, I've heard you complain about your family all year long, why would I want to hang around with them too! Being alone sure cuts down on the unwanted drama that comes with having lots of people around. So, lonely is definately not in the cards tonight!
Tired, yes my body is tired and sore and my mind is fried, but I know I cant shut it off right now, if I tried to sleep I would just toss and turn.
So now HALT has been analyzed, I think it's time to look ahead,
I'm confident my truck will work right in the morning, so, I'm gonna head into town early and treat myself to a nice breakfast at one of the beachside cafe's, get in early before it gets too hot to sit outside.
Next, the grocery store, not gonna shop heavy. I think just some serious comfort food, just enough to get me through a few days. Then head out to the store again Tuesday or Wednesday.
Will still have to Work from noon to 6:00, so I am glad that I started taking apart the broken assembly, I dont have one of the parts to finish it, so I cant do anything more until probably Wednesday, I cant do anything about it so there's no use fretting about the job ahead for a few days.
After work is Movie Night at the American Legion, we are showing "The Three Amigos", I've never seen it, I hear it's really funny.
I think Sunday will be "Critter Appreciation Day" take Jezebel out to the pet shop and let her pickout a new chew toy, and bring Max home some specialty cat food that he doesn't get too often.
Right now, just thinking toward the end of the weekend, I can only say , it sounds like a good ending, stopping on the way home would just ruin it.
I think I've been sitting and writing now for almost an hour. The craving is gone, I'm so filthy from tearing apart the broken assembly that a long shower will be necessary.
I was originally going to post this in the Marchers 13 thread, but just now I thought, I'd post it in newcomers, maybe, just maybe someone may see a lot of their last few days and decide to just do the best thing and if they read this till the end hopefully their craving is gone too.
Thanks for listening!
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,917
Love this thread! What a great way of playing the tape all the way through and realizing there are alternatives to drinking. Sounds like a great weekend on tap for you, BuddinK! Enjoy!
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Gosh those early days are tough. If you want the silver bullet for me, I would picture with great clarity the hangover the next day. I say "day" but mine were more like 4-5 days in the end.
Those still steer me on the sober path: memories of hangovers.
Those still steer me on the sober path: memories of hangovers.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Rogersville, Tennessee
Posts: 2,659
Thanks for all your responses and encouragement.
The truck is running well again, at least for the time being (it is over 20 years old)
The pinsetter must wait for a part, which most likely wont get here until Wednesday, but should only take about 20 minutes to get on and adjust.
Didn't get to "critter appreciation day" as I found out the bosses scheduled a cleaning crew to be here today, so I came in and did some extra maintenance on my pinsetters. Will reschedule for next weekend.
Just glad I came here and wrote for a bit, sure beats the self butt kicking I would have given myself for throwing away almost 2 1/2 years of almost perfectly good sober days!
The truck is running well again, at least for the time being (it is over 20 years old)
The pinsetter must wait for a part, which most likely wont get here until Wednesday, but should only take about 20 minutes to get on and adjust.
Didn't get to "critter appreciation day" as I found out the bosses scheduled a cleaning crew to be here today, so I came in and did some extra maintenance on my pinsetters. Will reschedule for next weekend.
Just glad I came here and wrote for a bit, sure beats the self butt kicking I would have given myself for throwing away almost 2 1/2 years of almost perfectly good sober days!
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