Desperate
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 259
Desperate
I am going to inpatient and then doing an intensive dual diagnosis program! I am so scared and don't know what to expect. I am an at home mom who has tried and failed. I have been sipping wine through the day. My whole life has collapsed these last weeks. I cannot express the level of anxiety or remorse I feel.
Lilly
Lilly
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 174
Hi Lily -
I am sorry you are dealing with this. And I can really relate to the feelings of anxiety and remorse, and most of all the fear that comes along when you realize this must change. The fact that you are heading to inpatient is profoundly important, and probably the most positive step you have made in years. Wishing you the best.
I am sorry you are dealing with this. And I can really relate to the feelings of anxiety and remorse, and most of all the fear that comes along when you realize this must change. The fact that you are heading to inpatient is profoundly important, and probably the most positive step you have made in years. Wishing you the best.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Hi Lilly. Don't be scared. I am a middle aged mom who did inpatient two years ago, I have been sober since. My life is so much better in every way, my health, my mental well being, my relationships. It is so nice waking up in the am knowing exactly what I did and said the night before. It is nice to make promises to my daughter and keep them. It is nice to look in the mirror and see someone who looks younger than she did two years ago.
Inpatient shook my world up, which was exactly what I needed to kick start my recovery. I had to own what I had become, on the phone with insurance people, seeing doctors, even packing my suitcase.
I have mentioned before that my bottom came standing in a dressing room buying clothes to wear to rehab because nothing fit anymore. Standing there I couldn't kid myself that this was a harmless little afternoon glass of wine anymore, alcohol had taken over my life. But there was something really earth shattering that occurred with that realization, the fact that help was available and that I had to do something different.
I went into it knowing I would be uncomfortable and anxious. And as strange as it all was I started to believe that by taking the risk my life was going to change. Suddenly I was taking action to stop the self sabotage, and while I didn't know what it would be like, I knew that anything had to be better than the way I was living.
It felt insanely freeing to take the dark, sneaky part of myself and let the world in on it. I felt disloyal to my drinking, and at first being sober felt like someone else's clothing. But gradually I began to see the benefits.
I look back on that day in the dressing room before rehab with a lot of sentiment now. For while I didn't quite know what I was in for, it was the beginning. If I only knew that day what amazing things lay ahead!
It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. Embrace the change, I promise you there is so much more to life than what is in that bottle.!
Inpatient shook my world up, which was exactly what I needed to kick start my recovery. I had to own what I had become, on the phone with insurance people, seeing doctors, even packing my suitcase.
I have mentioned before that my bottom came standing in a dressing room buying clothes to wear to rehab because nothing fit anymore. Standing there I couldn't kid myself that this was a harmless little afternoon glass of wine anymore, alcohol had taken over my life. But there was something really earth shattering that occurred with that realization, the fact that help was available and that I had to do something different.
I went into it knowing I would be uncomfortable and anxious. And as strange as it all was I started to believe that by taking the risk my life was going to change. Suddenly I was taking action to stop the self sabotage, and while I didn't know what it would be like, I knew that anything had to be better than the way I was living.
It felt insanely freeing to take the dark, sneaky part of myself and let the world in on it. I felt disloyal to my drinking, and at first being sober felt like someone else's clothing. But gradually I began to see the benefits.
I look back on that day in the dressing room before rehab with a lot of sentiment now. For while I didn't quite know what I was in for, it was the beginning. If I only knew that day what amazing things lay ahead!
It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. Embrace the change, I promise you there is so much more to life than what is in that bottle.!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 259
Thank you scram!! So scared but I know I am really unable to conquer this, I am in that situation you spoke of, very low point, and your story motivates me to hear how your life has changed for the better! Thank you for taking the time to write!! Thank you as well to everyone that took the time to read this. I am at the lowest point in my life and don't know what to expect but I know I cannot remain in this place and will do anything to get better!
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
It was a long time ago, but in-patient treatment was one of the best things that ever happened to me. It's normal to feel scared and apprehensive; I think most people feel that way. Maybe that's a sign you're taking it seriously.
And as difficult as it was, I have good memories of it. I learned a lot about myself and my addiction and it was a great kick-start to decades of mostly contented sobriety for me.
I wish you the best.
And as difficult as it was, I have good memories of it. I learned a lot about myself and my addiction and it was a great kick-start to decades of mostly contented sobriety for me.
I wish you the best.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Originally Posted by jaynie04 
Hi Lilly. Don't be scared. I am a middle aged mom who did inpatient two years ago, I have been sober since. My life is so much better in every way, my health, my mental well being, my relationships. It is so nice waking up in the am knowing exactly what I did and said the night before. It is nice to make promises to my daughter and keep them. It is nice to look in the mirror and see someone who looks younger than she did two years ago.
Inpatient shook my world up, which was exactly what I needed to kick start my recovery. I had to own what I had become, on the phone with insurance people, seeing doctors, even packing my suitcase.
I have mentioned before that my bottom came standing in a dressing room buying clothes to wear to rehab because nothing fit anymore. Standing there I couldn't kid myself that this was a harmless little afternoon glass of wine anymore, alcohol had taken over my life. But there was something really earth shattering that occurred with that realization, the fact that help was available and that I had to do something different.
I went into it knowing I would be uncomfortable and anxious. And as strange as it all was I started to believe that by taking the risk my life was going to change. Suddenly I was taking action to stop the self sabotage, and while I didn't know what it would be like, I knew that anything had to be better than the way I was living.
It felt insanely freeing to take the dark, sneaky part of myself and let the world in on it. I felt disloyal to my drinking, and at first being sober felt like someone else's clothing. But gradually I began to see the benefits.
I look back on that day in the dressing room before rehab with a lot of sentiment now. For while I didn't quite know what I was in for, it was the beginning. If I only knew that day what amazing things lay ahead!
It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. Embrace the change, I promise you there is so much more to life than what is in that bottle.!
Inpatient shook my world up, which was exactly what I needed to kick start my recovery. I had to own what I had become, on the phone with insurance people, seeing doctors, even packing my suitcase.
I have mentioned before that my bottom came standing in a dressing room buying clothes to wear to rehab because nothing fit anymore. Standing there I couldn't kid myself that this was a harmless little afternoon glass of wine anymore, alcohol had taken over my life. But there was something really earth shattering that occurred with that realization, the fact that help was available and that I had to do something different.
I went into it knowing I would be uncomfortable and anxious. And as strange as it all was I started to believe that by taking the risk my life was going to change. Suddenly I was taking action to stop the self sabotage, and while I didn't know what it would be like, I knew that anything had to be better than the way I was living.
It felt insanely freeing to take the dark, sneaky part of myself and let the world in on it. I felt disloyal to my drinking, and at first being sober felt like someone else's clothing. But gradually I began to see the benefits.
I look back on that day in the dressing room before rehab with a lot of sentiment now. For while I didn't quite know what I was in for, it was the beginning. If I only knew that day what amazing things lay ahead!
It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. Embrace the change, I promise you there is so much more to life than what is in that bottle.!
It's going to be okay, LostLilly - and so much better than okay.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Lilly, I'm a mom and left my two young children in the care of my parents two years ago to do inpatient treatment. It was the best thing I have done for myself in a very long time. It is like Jaynie said and bravo to Jaynie for that wonderful post. It was so freeing to me to be able to let go of the outside world for that amount of time, in a safe environment, where I was cared for and where I could learn to care for me.
Well done! We're with you.
Well done! We're with you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Ny
Posts: 739
Hi Lilly,
I am also a professional mom of 3 who drank all day. Showed up drunk at school functions and games. Alcohol consumed my life. I got sober 10 years ago, stayed sober for 7, struggled for the past 3 and I am just coming back now. I'm on day 5.
I never went to inpatient but perhaps I should have. Do whatever it takes. Your family is worth it and so are you. Your life will be wonderful when you are sober. Your kids deserve the mom you surely are capable of being.
We will be thinking if you and wish you the best. Xo
I am also a professional mom of 3 who drank all day. Showed up drunk at school functions and games. Alcohol consumed my life. I got sober 10 years ago, stayed sober for 7, struggled for the past 3 and I am just coming back now. I'm on day 5.
I never went to inpatient but perhaps I should have. Do whatever it takes. Your family is worth it and so are you. Your life will be wonderful when you are sober. Your kids deserve the mom you surely are capable of being.
We will be thinking if you and wish you the best. Xo
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