NickOz21

Hey everyone,

My best friend has been drinking for 32 years, not everyday -though he tends to binge weekly or so but has been drinking more often lately.

He says he has no interest in recovering because he enjoys himself and says there's no harm in what he's doing.

Very much in the denial stage... I can relate !

Though,when I asked the longest period that he had been sober for he replied:

"10 months... I felt energetic, alive, clean, I felt so in control it scared me and i started drinking. It doesn't make any sense."

--- Does anyone know why we can sabotage ourselves like this? I'm trying to understand him but struggling at the moment...

Dee74

If someone is adamant they enjoy what they're doing and are not doing themselves harm there's probably nothing that anyone can say to change their mind.

He gave you the reason tho - 'I felt so in control it scared me'.

Some people do get scared, they lose their nerve, and run back to the familiarity of drinking.

I did that myself many times.

It's not so much self sabotage I think as not trusting change, or not changing enough things in your life so that you feel out of place and deprived as a non drinker.

The last time I got sober I was determined it really would be the last time - I went way beyond just not drinking - I changed my life, and I sat with uneasy feelings and fears until they went away.

Lasting recovery really is possible

D

Tamerua

I don't know if this is your friend, but if I was not successful, with whatever, I could drink it away. And drink at it! If I'm not successful while sober, then it's me... Nothing else. That's scary.

MythOfSisyphus

As a long time SR member once put it he wanted to drink more than he wanted to be sober. Alcoholism is a bi-otch!

IOAA2

Hi.
Alcoholism is a very complex dis-ease and much depends on the individual as no one can get a person sober or drunk except the person themselves. I’ve seen over the years numerous people at the top in their fields like doctors, lawyers, judges priests etc. never gain sober time no matter how well read they are. An alcoholics death is among the worst and it starts with misery.

Now about your friend, has he said he’s an alcoholic? Perhaps he’s a heavy drinker, there is a big difference.

BE WELL

PurpleKnight

When alcohol becomes ingrained in our lifestyle, going against the grain and trying to be Sober comes with plenty of hurdles, many can cause someone to go back to drinking:

-Friendships based solely on drinking activities
-Activities that are based around drinking
-Peer pressure from friends/drinking buddies/family
-Sheer boredom because all we did in the evenings was drink
-Fear of social situations without alcohol
-Difficulty in breaking down old habits/routines
-Not having any escape mechanism for emotions/stress/feelings
-Having to live life in the here and now, in real time can be a scary place

That's just a short list, but the important principle is a Sober life takes a lot of adjustment away from our old life, and we either dig in and make it happen, or we go back to our old ways . . . old habits die hard as they say!!

NickOz21

Thanks for the replies.

Interesting. How would you tell the difference between a heavy drinker and an alcoholic?