kem33

My boyfriend just left for rehab today. I really don't know how to deal with it.. Before we met he's been in and out of rehab, sober living he was doing good for a little bit till he relapsed then he met me. I know he's done things here and there I didn't mind because I know he was detoxing and hurting.. His addiction was heroin, he got on the subboxne program, he did that for a little bit up until a couple weeks ago where I found needles in his cigarette box. I was completely heartbroken. He says he does it when he's depressed but I don't know what makes him depressed?? He had a good job a good family I thought we were good. I told him he could always talk to me, I'll be his support system. I'm just confused I don't know how all this works. He's only 22 and I'm 19 I've never had to deal with this. How do I unserstand what he's going through?

Soberwolf

Welcome to SR

Dee74

Hi Kem

I'm sorry for your pain right now, but it's good your bf is trying to sort himself out.

I think the really important thing is to realise this is not your fault...it's not because you should have done this or done that.

Have you ever thought of finding support at something like Nar -Anon.

Nar-Anon Family Groups are self-help support groups for families and friends of compulsive drug users.

Nar-Anon Family Groups

D

2muchpain

Like Dee said, his addiction has nothing to do with you. For a non-addict, it's hard to understand why an addict does what he does. That's why hooking up with outside support would help you a lot. Being around other people that are going through would not only give you the support you need, but also give you some ideas on how to deal with an addict, and most importantly, how to take care of yourself. John

Anna

Welcome Kem!

I'm sorry you're going through this with your boyfriend. I hope he decides to get the help he needs.

least

You can be supportive, yes, but it's him that has to do the work of staying clean. This is all on him. I hope he can start a new life without drugs.

Welcome to the family. We also have a friends and family of substance abusers forum.

Elizabeth333

Hi - you are 19 - Please take care of yourself - you are not his caregiver.

tomsteve

G,ad yer here. There's some good words above and they're probably a little hard to take, but the truth is what has been typed- he is responsible for his recovery. Being supportive is good,but trying to do the work for him- trying to get him clean and Keep him clean- will destroy you inside.If you take some time to read in the friends and family Forum here, you will read of many poeple that got dragged down with the addict/ alcoholic in their lives.
Coming from the addict alcoholic side, I know it's true. There wasn't one single person that was ever able to get me clean and sober. It didnt matter if they fully understood what i was going through. Didnt matter what they did. No one was going to help me until i WANTED to help myself, do it for me, and was willing to make changes in me and in my life. The Knowledge I needed to make changes came from others that had been in my shoes.
And any woman I was in a relationship with? I did my damdest to take em down with me. They were all very wise to toss me out of their lives. Not saying you should do the same, but the ones I was with.... It was the best move they made for themselves.
And anyone who stayed around me? They helped enable me to continue the same sick, insane behavior that involved a LOT of lies, manipulation,demands.....just straight up insanity.
And they got sicker,too.
IMO, I think you may want to look at some things.
Why do you want to continue the relationship? Why do you want to be his support system?
How do you define love?

You are very young and I'm very glad to see ya here. You have a lot of life ahead of ya, a life that very well could involve a LOT of insanity with a practicing addict. PLEASE!!! Look in the friends and family forum and read the stories there. PLEASE!! Look at yourself and find out what your motive is for wanting a relationship to start like this.

P.S.
You may read things and think: " yeah but he hasn't done that" or " that hasn't happened."

Which the word "YET" should be added to it.

And ask questions here. Lots of experience, strength, and hope.

FreeOwl

He doesn't do it because he's depressed.

He does it because he is addicted.

Depression is a whole other thing, requiring its own steps and treatment.... But the sad paradox of addiction is we become convinced that our drug is sparing us from depression when in actuality it is making it worse. This becomes a cycle and can be bafflingly hard to break out of.

I wish you comfort and strength and hope you'll get your own support to understand and deal with the impacts and emotions of caring for an addict.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Kem!!

hypochondriac

Sorry you are going through this Kem. The best thing to do would probably to learn as much as you can about addiction. The current theory is that it is a brain disorder caused by a lack of dopamine and that when triggered by an addictive substance kicks off the reward centres in your brain which makes you need more and more. It isn't anyone's fault and it isn't necessarily caused by anything, even though we may look for excuses. We may try to rationalise it but really the reasons why are less important than what we do about it. I saw some great ted talks about addiction recently which may be worth checking out. Talking to others who have been through the same thing may help too. Best of luck to you x