Shalaylay

Yesterday was one of the hardest of my life. I recognized that I have a problem and need help. I woke up with still more shame and disgust and feeling very alone. I know that I have a long road ahead and I am ready to make a change I'm just struggling with the decisions that i have made that have got me to this point. I'm worried that all of the stupid things I've done when drunk, most of which I do not remember, will come to light and I'm so scared I'm going to lose everything I love. I don't know how to pick up the pieces and move forward. I am lost. I am afraid. I am angry. I am full of shame. How do I put myself back together? I dont even know where to begin. My depression is at an all time high and my self esteem is at an all time low. I'm devastated and so very lost.

ScottFromWI

Hi Shalaylay. You've had a couple of posts along this same line already and gotten some pretty good advice. I would add:

1. You cannot change the past...only today. You are seeking help here on SR which is a good thing....the next step is to start taking small steps toward a sobriety plan.

2. Depression and anxiety are always high in the days immediately following a binge. Abstaining from alcohol will definitely help, but don't rule out depresson as an underlying issue that you will need to treat separately. Counseling can help a great deal if you find that you are still depressed even after fully detoxing ( which can take several days ).

3. Don't rule out seeking local support. Meeings like AA, LIfe Ring, Smart, etc can be very instrumental, especially in early sobriety. Being around others who are in the same situation really helps.

4. Remember that detox is temporary...it WILL get better in time.

Ruby2

Don't worry today about the stuff you have done. It cannot be changed and worry will send you to drink.

Rest up. Take care of yourself. Read here for ideas on how to make a plan to quit.

Soberwolf

I think Scotts advice is spot on

airwick

"One day at a time"

Opivotal

You can start rebuilding your life one minute, one hour or one day at a time.

I started with minutes, honestly whatever it took, I did it.

Stressing about what if's is counterproductive. None of us can predict the future, live in today.

We cannot change whats already happened, but we can learn from it and make sure we do our best from this point forward.

PurpleKnight

Small steps, that's how I got started, change a few things about your day and keep adding, before you know it you'll be on your way!!

You can do this!!

ccam1973

There is no better way than this. You deserve to get yourself better. You won't regret this decision, I promise.

Thepatman

I second this

Berrybean

Self-hatred, anxiety and resentments are something that are common to alcoholics, and (if you're like me and many others I've spoken to) stopping drinking on it's own as a strategy may not solve your problems. Alcoholics tend to have an aversion to their reality, and feel emotional pain very intensely. The alcohol works for us because it temporarily eases the pain, and changes our perception of reality and ourselves. I personally believe that I was using high-risk / exciting situations to drown out the everyday worries and stresses as well. Add that with a low self-esteem and the fact that alcohol makes all of us feel 'wittier, prettier and tittier', well, you can imagine where my alcoholic drinking and search for excitement and neediness for approval took me. Bleugh.

I found it incredibly difficult to cope emotionally without drink, and without learning new strategies to cope with life and my feelings. Thankfully I managed to brave it, and drag myself to AA. It's thanks to the 12-step programme and the support, fellowship and understanding of people at meetings, who understand my thinking that I've managed to recognise some of the basic things I was doing / thinking wrong and develop a different perspective on life without the false crutch of alcohol, and have learned to forgive myself and reflect on certain behaviours so that I can be equipped to stop them happening again in the future.

I know that not everyone wants to consider AA (for various reasons). If this is the case for you, I can suggest a couple of books that really helped me through some of the hardest periods. Living Sober, and Monkey on my Shoulder were both really helpful, and are available to buy and read online, or very cheaply in paper versions via Amazon.

Wishing you every success with your sobriety, and your recovery.

zjw

yep one day at a time!

but what your feeling is going to continue to linger a bit its ok just push forward. as you put more time between you and this bad stuff you'll feel better with each passing day.

Time heals a lot of things!