copperfield

Hello,
Something I struggle with and wonder if others do too??? I feel really good this morning and feel good about taking another 24 hours of sobriety (today is day 3). But once I sign the 24hour thread and commit I feel this overwhelming anxiety and scared thoughts that I wont be able to do it, though before I signed up I felt totally secure in doing it...wtf?

Nonsensical

It's called addiction.

Your emotions are overwhelming your rational thinking process.

Write down the 5 worst things that will happen if you DON'T drink today. It helps put the rational thinking process back in charge.

Congrats on 3 days!

Ruby2

I used to attend AA meetings and then go drink afterwards. I think for me it was a twisted reasoning that I was doing something about acknowledging my drinking problem but not quite committed to sobriety. The feeling of "what have I done?!" Does the feeling last or eventually go away? I'd say maybe tell yourself that it's just one day. Just one. Don't look too far forward. It'll get easier and less anxiety inducing the longer you go. Patience, really, with the big adjustments is what helped me. Good job on day 3. That's big.

And by the way, I don't drink after AA meetings any longer and find them very inspirational.

Soberwolf

Early recovery is like a rollercoaster keep an eye on your AV

doggonecarl

Never underestimate the power of negative thinking.

copperfield

It's totally true doggonecarl! Why do negative thoughts come in when you are doing something positive for yourself???

PurpleKnight

Day 3 is fantastic!! Don't let addiction get it's claws in and erode your positivity!!

You can do this!!

biminiblue

Bad habit.

Scram

I can absolutely relate.

I have no idea exactly what goes on with the brain chemistry here in the early days but I know it's kinda batsh*t crazy. For example, last night I made the decision to reach out to friend of mine who has long term sobriety and is active in AA. I asked if he was willing to be my first sponsor, and he gave a very emphatic "yes!".

About two minutes after I received his reply, I thought, "Oh my God... what have I done??! I can't do this. I don't need that mysterious program or outside help! I can do this on my own... So much less stressful if I just do it on my own. I can totally do this by myself...."

I have been trying to do it on my own for 10 years. That is close to a third of my life. That thought is completely insane.

So yeah... I can relate. Committing to anything is scary. And I can only speak for myself, but I can say that in a sense, failure has become sort of a sick comfort zone for me. It's sad and depressing and dark but familiar. And I'm so tired of choosing that over new and different and exciting but scary.

Serenidad

That happens to me too and then I self-sabotage. I get very anxious too! For that reason I have literally stopped making promises to myself, stopped doing the 24 hour thread and just going minute by minute or hour by hour in my head. I just wanted to say I completely relate! Hang in there!

ScottFromWI

Mostly because of addiction I believe. And the problem with addiction is that there is truly no logical explanation for "why" it happens. It simply DOES happen because something in our minds doesn't allow us to believe that we are addicted...and it tells us that we need to drink again to fix it.

There is no way to outsmart or out think/reason with addiction. Accepting it for what it is and that it's not changeable or negotiable was how I finally broke away. Once you have done that you can learn new techniques to cope with life. For some that means a very structured program like AA/Lifering/Smart. For others it involves counseling, rehab, detox. Some use self help methods like AVRT. Some use meditation/mindfulness. Some use prayer and faith. Some use a combination of the above. The key though is finding a way to deal with life upfront and be honest about it.

Serenidad

Good stuff Scott! :-)

Debbie329

The reason we think of negative things when positive things are going on is because we are trained as part of our survival instinct to look for threats and address them according to importance.

thomas11

Its just my opinion, but I believe its fear of failure. Very common thought process for many people. Professional athletes, successful business people, and others often are high performers because the fear of failure outweighs the reward of success. Seems weird to me, but I believe it. Thus your anxiety may increase immediately because now you fear failing something you've committed to.

Dee74

It's a real yin and yang for a while.

Committing to 24 hours might make you nervous but it really needs to be done if you want things to change.

The more you do it, the less anxious you'll be copperfield

D

Marcher13

That's AV (alcoholic voice) talking. You, Copperfield decide to sat sober and that's fine but then your AV kicks in with "What do you mean not drink for 24 hours? You can't do that, of course you are going to drink. What stupid thing to do. Forget that, you're having a drink as soon as you get home from work ..."

Let the AV play it out and give it no heed. Go and do something you enjoy, go to work, go for a walk -- whatever is on your agenda. The more attention you give AV the more it talks.