tuitui

So it's 4am and I'm freaking out. I just ended a relapse of a couple days. During the relapse, I stole a bottle of vodka from my roommate. Oh my god. And it was in her room, so I went rummaging through other people's space for alcohol. Ugh. I am so, so embarrassed. I hid in my room all day (sober day 1) so that I wouldn't see her until I got through the hangover/withdrawal.

I've been thinking round and round about what to do and finally decided I just had to come completely clean. Which means sending an email in which I actually explain that I have a drinking problem.

I've never done that before. I minimize the hell out of my alcoholism. I'm one of those drunks where everyone just politely pretends that they don't know you're an alcoholic.

Out of anyone, my roommates know the most that I have that problem. I do most of my drinking alone in my room. Other people know I drink way too much. The roommates are the only ones who know that when I relapse I sit in my room and drink for days.

I feel kind of good... like I know that was the best way to deal with this, so I'm glad about that... but OH MY GOD is this a weird feeling.

TroubledJoe

I know you feel terrible right now, but you can put this to really good use.

Write the email openly and honestly. Your roommate likely already knows you have a drinking problem so I'm sure they will understand and be grateful for your honesty and desire to change. It helps a lot to have at least one person close who knows.

Remember, you never have to feel like this again. Use this feeling as motivation for quitting.

tuitui

Thank you. I need the reassurance. She and I aren't really that close but she's a really nice person who I think will understand.

And I mean yeah, she already knows. It's not like I'm telling her anything new.

Argh. I am so, so, so embarrassed right now (and sitting in a room full of empty bottles, UGH).

melki

I can relate, during my alcoholic thirst I've done some unimaginable things that make me shudder and cringe now.

Do you have to do it by email, can you talk to her instead?

CaseyW

Being honest with myself and others about my drinking and other dishonest behavior was a huge step in my finding some lasting sobriety. You're making the right decision. Don't over think it, just do it.

Wishing you the best, tuitui. Hope you'll become an active member here at SR and take advantage of the great wisdom and support to be found here. Check in often!