I'm (Not) in Control
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Posts: 26
I'm (Not) in Control
Okay, so I decide today is going to be the day I stop drinking. I will not drink after today. This is going to be hard.
Right now, I feel in control. Right now I can quit because I want to. I can say no right now. But, in all honesty, the times I'm not in control far outweigh the times I am in control. The times that the desire to take the edge off overpowers my ability to keep away, the allure of the alcohol is too much sometimes.
Maybe I'm in denial, maybe I'm not ever in control. Just because I can say no now doesn't mean I'm in control.
This is going to be really hard. Backstory time:
So I moved out of my girlfriend's home to a home I found in Craigslist with a roommate (the owner of the home). I find that he works as a truck driver for an alcohol distributor and he has easy access to beer and wine. I've already told him I'm quitting drinking. He supports it and asked if he needed to hide it, I said I didn't think he needed to. Do you think I should have him do that though?
Second, my brother. My brother also is likely an alcoholic. And us together is not a good thing. I don't want to cut him out, but most everything we do together leads to drinking. Sometimes even getting horribly wasted. I want to still see him, but I don't know how to say no to booze when around him. What should I do?
And when those times comes that I'm dying for a drink, what do I do? What do you guys do?
I realize I kind of have to become a zen master in my living situation and hide from it and ignore it. But we all know people in my position can't. We have all been there.
Right now, I feel in control. Right now I can quit because I want to. I can say no right now. But, in all honesty, the times I'm not in control far outweigh the times I am in control. The times that the desire to take the edge off overpowers my ability to keep away, the allure of the alcohol is too much sometimes.
Maybe I'm in denial, maybe I'm not ever in control. Just because I can say no now doesn't mean I'm in control.
This is going to be really hard. Backstory time:
So I moved out of my girlfriend's home to a home I found in Craigslist with a roommate (the owner of the home). I find that he works as a truck driver for an alcohol distributor and he has easy access to beer and wine. I've already told him I'm quitting drinking. He supports it and asked if he needed to hide it, I said I didn't think he needed to. Do you think I should have him do that though?
Second, my brother. My brother also is likely an alcoholic. And us together is not a good thing. I don't want to cut him out, but most everything we do together leads to drinking. Sometimes even getting horribly wasted. I want to still see him, but I don't know how to say no to booze when around him. What should I do?
And when those times comes that I'm dying for a drink, what do I do? What do you guys do?
I realize I kind of have to become a zen master in my living situation and hide from it and ignore it. But we all know people in my position can't. We have all been there.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Support was the key for me to keep me focused on the task at hand, I would always start off with good intentions, a few days later I'd feel like a drink and forget all about those good intentions, this is the nature of addiction.
In isolation I would go round in circles for a long time, as my addicted mind wanted to drink and it could convince me of all the reasons why that was a good idea.
But support gave me a second opinion on things, gave me something outside of myself to reaffirm those intentions for me when they had faded away with time and I'd forgotten the misery alcohol had caused.
You can do this JamesWolf!!
In isolation I would go round in circles for a long time, as my addicted mind wanted to drink and it could convince me of all the reasons why that was a good idea.
But support gave me a second opinion on things, gave me something outside of myself to reaffirm those intentions for me when they had faded away with time and I'd forgotten the misery alcohol had caused.
You can do this JamesWolf!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Kooskia, Idaho
Posts: 406
Thank you for posting! My sister and I have a similar relationship as you and your brother. The one time I managed to put 2 months together sober I ended up drinking again with her. I was her drinking buddy and she didn't want me to quit..Alcoholics are selfish. I know I am when I'm drinking.. and misery loves company. I know I am not strong enough to be around her right now..so I just don't. Hang in there. Do you check in every morning on the 24 hour thread? It is how I start my day and is one of the many things I do to keep my AV in check.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
For me SR has been my main support, it's 24/7/365, which makes it great.
Though it depends on what you need, some people need and like some face to face support too, various meetings can provide that.
It's all about finding something that works for you!!
Though it depends on what you need, some people need and like some face to face support too, various meetings can provide that.
It's all about finding something that works for you!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 81
Denial...hmmm, well, yes.
Honestly, it is likely you are not in control if you question it and don't get a positive answer.
I'm going out on a limb here and say my belief: No matter the method used to recover from alcohol addiction, at some point the person has to be in control and make a firm decision to not drink.
Understand, I'm not faulting you; unfortunately, I relate to your situation a lot.
I hope you find control and confidence soon.
Honestly, it is likely you are not in control if you question it and don't get a positive answer.
I'm going out on a limb here and say my belief: No matter the method used to recover from alcohol addiction, at some point the person has to be in control and make a firm decision to not drink.
Understand, I'm not faulting you; unfortunately, I relate to your situation a lot.
I hope you find control and confidence soon.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Kooskia, Idaho
Posts: 406
My main support has been SR and friends that are also sober. I live in a pretty remote place and going to any kind of meeting here is far from anonymous. I try to stay honest with myself and others, check in on SR everyday, writing in a journal, reading inspirational books and paying attention to what I am grateful for and staying positive and busy...Oh. and EXERCISE! I worked out a lot before getting sober but have been stepping up my game. Even going for a walk is helpful. I try not to future trip either. One day at a time is key..sometimes it is an hour at a time. Glad you are here seeking help..You can do it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Posts: 26
I think this place will work well for me. I'm a sociable person online and I like this environment. I think I need a bit more. Like someone to be held accountable to. Someone to check into and also have them be there when I'm failing.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
Right now you are in control and that's great. Take it one day at a time. Work on your plan and check in on SR, that's what I've been doing and do far do good. I used to drink a lot with my sister and kinda avoided her for a while. Tomorrow we have a lunch date and I can't wait because I miss her! Affirm you won't drink every morning when you wake up, and stay true to yourself.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
I have issues with the idea that control can keep me sober and healthy mentally and emotionally. It’s called white knuckle sobriety and can make people real ugly. Years ago I was told that seeing I had so much control try it next time with diarrhea.
Some time ago I was shown that just stopping drinking for an alcoholic is not enough and we need to work on the reasons we drank, like our anger issues, insecurity, fears etc. Believe me, I know many people with 40+ years sober time and we practice this concept of recovery comfortably one day at a time in a row.
BE WELL
I have issues with the idea that control can keep me sober and healthy mentally and emotionally. It’s called white knuckle sobriety and can make people real ugly. Years ago I was told that seeing I had so much control try it next time with diarrhea.
Some time ago I was shown that just stopping drinking for an alcoholic is not enough and we need to work on the reasons we drank, like our anger issues, insecurity, fears etc. Believe me, I know many people with 40+ years sober time and we practice this concept of recovery comfortably one day at a time in a row.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Kansas
Posts: 399
As far as your brother James, if you are serious about quitting drinking tell him so. He will either understand or he will want to continue putting you into positions that make you uncomfortable. But it is up to you to set those boundaries, not him.
I had tried several times to quit but was always quiet about it. On my last attempt when I was finally serious and willing to put sobriety before everything else I was very open with anybody and everybody that I was no longer drinking. For some people that meant I had to stop hanging out with them. For others it didn't make much of a difference. But that's one way that I kept myself accountable. I put it out there. I have read on here that many people don't like to do that so it may not be for you. It's just one guy's experience.
I had tried several times to quit but was always quiet about it. On my last attempt when I was finally serious and willing to put sobriety before everything else I was very open with anybody and everybody that I was no longer drinking. For some people that meant I had to stop hanging out with them. For others it didn't make much of a difference. But that's one way that I kept myself accountable. I put it out there. I have read on here that many people don't like to do that so it may not be for you. It's just one guy's experience.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi James
I guess you're going to be around alcohol anyway so I don;t think hiding it will do much good.
Wishing you best - find the right support and use it
Not wishing you ill, but if you find this is an environment you can't stay sober in, then you may have to look at things again?
D
I guess you're going to be around alcohol anyway so I don;t think hiding it will do much good.
Wishing you best - find the right support and use it
Not wishing you ill, but if you find this is an environment you can't stay sober in, then you may have to look at things again?
D
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