Looking for Hope
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 2
Looking for Hope
Hi friends,
I'm new here, recovering from a history of prescription medication addiction - mainly stimulants (Ritalin) and benzos. I went off all medication end January and am really struggling right now. The cravings are intense, I'm fatigued and crying at the drop of a hat. I'm also having really dark thoughts about death.
I suppose I'm looking for hope; for someone to say your life will return to normal. Because right now it really doesn't feel that way. I haven't been able to get a job since quitting my drugs because of my delusional belief that I can only function with Ritalin.
Does it get better? Will I be okay?
Looking for Hope.
I'm new here, recovering from a history of prescription medication addiction - mainly stimulants (Ritalin) and benzos. I went off all medication end January and am really struggling right now. The cravings are intense, I'm fatigued and crying at the drop of a hat. I'm also having really dark thoughts about death.
I suppose I'm looking for hope; for someone to say your life will return to normal. Because right now it really doesn't feel that way. I haven't been able to get a job since quitting my drugs because of my delusional belief that I can only function with Ritalin.
Does it get better? Will I be okay?
Looking for Hope.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: London, England
Posts: 1,713
Hey LittlePhoenix, I don't have any experience of meds addiction but just wanna say 'Welcome' - it's great that you've reached out for support, and I'm sure you'll get some great advice here.
There is definitely hope, whatever the addiction. Check out the different forums, keep posting, and take care.
Best wishes
There is definitely hope, whatever the addiction. Check out the different forums, keep posting, and take care.
Best wishes
Guest
Join Date: May 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 1,086
Hi Phoenix
There's a substance abuse forum section here which is cool and you might want to check that out as well.
I just wanted to say hello and also that things do get better! I gave up drugs a couple of years ago after having a big problem with Xanax predominantly, and I ended up with a drinking issue since I didn't deal with the underlying stuff (massive anxiety and not getting enough help for it).
Things will even out for you but have you spoken to a Dr? I take antidepressants now as I was self medicating to deal with depression and anxiety and they help a lot. They're not for everyone of course but if you can see a therapist, explore your options and get help, it could be great for you :-)
There's a substance abuse forum section here which is cool and you might want to check that out as well.
I just wanted to say hello and also that things do get better! I gave up drugs a couple of years ago after having a big problem with Xanax predominantly, and I ended up with a drinking issue since I didn't deal with the underlying stuff (massive anxiety and not getting enough help for it).
Things will even out for you but have you spoken to a Dr? I take antidepressants now as I was self medicating to deal with depression and anxiety and they help a lot. They're not for everyone of course but if you can see a therapist, explore your options and get help, it could be great for you :-)
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
I hope that you talk to your dr about your suicidal thoughts. Do you have a therapist or a professional that you can talk to? Please don't continue to suffer with these feelings without seeking professional help.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi and welcome to SR LP 
My drugs of choice were different, but yes - absolutely there is hope!
the initial phase is rough, but it will get better - you just need to hang in there.
if your thoughts get too dark there's some crisis numbers and useful reading here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
Even if you don;t need it now maybe save the link just to be safe?
My drugs of choice were different, but yes - absolutely there is hope!
the initial phase is rough, but it will get better - you just need to hang in there.
if your thoughts get too dark there's some crisis numbers and useful reading here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
Even if you don;t need it now maybe save the link just to be safe?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 2
Thank you
Thanks guys. I already feel better from all the welcome posts and kind words. I have a history of MDD (severe/recurrent) but because I became addicted to prescription medication I'm skeptical to go back on anything. I have a doctor, yes, but the doctor is trying to keep me off everything to see what my baseline mood is. That makes sense right?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Welcome, LittlePhoenix. If you trust your doctor, then I say that it does make sense to see what your baseline mood is. For a long time your mood has been in an altered state. My addiction is alcohol and it took a while for my moods to stabilize to a point where I could tell it was normal and not influenced by alcohol.
I'd check in with the doctor and explain what's going on and there absolutely is hope.
I'd check in with the doctor and explain what's going on and there absolutely is hope.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Johannesburg
Posts: 1
What can I say? Us Ritalin addicts are special. It is the biggest lie, covered in a societal acceptance, like it's actually good for us. We need to always recognise THE LIE against THE TRUTH. Lie - R makes everything better, makes ME better, I can never feel ok with just being 'ok' anymore. Truth - I was born HAPPY & WHOLE which means without it I can TRULY live as perfect as I was born. Nothing is making sense coz (2moro is Day 1, again, again, again, again).
How can I STOP the perpetual cycle? This hamster-wheel. I have 2 do something HECTIC. Change everything EVERYTHING. How I function. I have 2 believe that life can only be amazing clean.
Just keep taking ACTION even if you keep relapsing, don't shut off from the world, secrets keep you sick. The disease wants to keep you away from other recovering people (fear of judgement etc) so that it has complete control over you.
That's it for now. I pray you are doing well. There is SO much HOPE, 2gether we are STRONG. 2gether we are INDESTRUCTIBLE!
FFR xx
How can I STOP the perpetual cycle? This hamster-wheel. I have 2 do something HECTIC. Change everything EVERYTHING. How I function. I have 2 believe that life can only be amazing clean.
Just keep taking ACTION even if you keep relapsing, don't shut off from the world, secrets keep you sick. The disease wants to keep you away from other recovering people (fear of judgement etc) so that it has complete control over you.
That's it for now. I pray you are doing well. There is SO much HOPE, 2gether we are STRONG. 2gether we are INDESTRUCTIBLE!
FFR xx
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
Glad to see you are under the care of a doc.
Yes it gets better. No, it won't get better as quickly as you'd like. In Narcotics Anonymous I found that it really doesn't matter what drugs (including alcohol) we used, but I have experience with the drugs you were on, although I never managed a constant supply of stimulants. I know enough people who did though.
Regardless of the drug, the fact that you feel the way you do about a month into being clean is normal. It takes time to heal. I was terrified that I had broken something and that I'd never be able to function without the drugs. I was just telling someone in NA the other day, I used to look out the window and see all these people in their cars, at work, going shopping and think "how do they do it without drugs? I used to be able to, but I broke myself and I can never get back."
I've got news for you. I was wrong. I'm able to function and be happy and productive without drugs and without being a slave to my addiction. So can you. If you haven't already, I'd suggest giving NA an honest try, and stick around here. Hang in there. I guarantee there will be times when you feel like it's hopeless and you won't be able to make it, but they pass.
We do recover.
Yes it gets better. No, it won't get better as quickly as you'd like. In Narcotics Anonymous I found that it really doesn't matter what drugs (including alcohol) we used, but I have experience with the drugs you were on, although I never managed a constant supply of stimulants. I know enough people who did though.
Regardless of the drug, the fact that you feel the way you do about a month into being clean is normal. It takes time to heal. I was terrified that I had broken something and that I'd never be able to function without the drugs. I was just telling someone in NA the other day, I used to look out the window and see all these people in their cars, at work, going shopping and think "how do they do it without drugs? I used to be able to, but I broke myself and I can never get back."
I've got news for you. I was wrong. I'm able to function and be happy and productive without drugs and without being a slave to my addiction. So can you. If you haven't already, I'd suggest giving NA an honest try, and stick around here. Hang in there. I guarantee there will be times when you feel like it's hopeless and you won't be able to make it, but they pass.
We do recover.
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