lanier

Anyone have tips for how to stop obsessing about all of the horrible things you did while drinking?

Kafkaesque

I've found this to be the hardest part about recovery. I started keeping a journal to help me process my worries and record my progress. I've also reached out to anyone I offended or was impacted by my drunken behavior to try and make amends. But at some point, you have to forgive yourself. The things we did while under the influence were in some ways out of our control as our brains weren't functioning correctly. I've found the longer I'm sober, the more I am able to forgive myself and put things in the past and the same for those who I have hurt. Time heals all wounds, and I have learned now that drinking only opens up old wounds

I hope you find peace and forgiveness, Lanier! We are all here for you.

Cissy

The very best way that you can make it up to those you've hurt is to STAY SOBER. Your actions will go a long way to show your sincerity and only time will show them that you are truly sorry.

Anna

It's very hard at times.

I found that Eckhart Tolle had a good tip which is to focus on what you are doing at the moment. It's easier said than done, but it helps to bring your mind out of the obsessive cycle. Journaling can also be really helpful.

Pete55

It takes time, but if you just don't pick up the first drink, then tomorrow will be a good memory of yesterday's sober day, and so on.
Eventually the bad stuff just fades away cos so much good has come back.
It's like a bank, keep building up your sober days, the return is a greater amount of good memories.

IfYouCanDream

Great comparison Pete55.

I think we're not only coming to terms with the past, we're also learning to digest the present. In an alcohol induced haze it's impossible to 'process' reality.

It's a lot of new stuff to learn. But it's doable and I think with time the growing pains tend to be less intense.

Fly N Buy

Lanier, glad you're here posting -
You are not alone and remorse over our behaviors is very common. Cissy has some good insight here and as Anna points out it's hard at times - for us all!

Staying sober is definitely living amends to our loved one for sure. No longer do our words have much impact in new sobriety. We have said so much, for so long. Action is required - action of staying sober and changing.

At some point you might seek some outside counsel - confession is age old and highly therapeutic. But, I have learned that it should not be rushed and care should be taken approaching long lost friends etc.

Keep posting and stay sober............As Anna also posted, stay in the moment.

Give yourself a break - you're worth it!

fini

as Anna said, stay in the moment.
stay sober and focused on here and now and later on you can find ways to fix what's fixable and ways to be okay with what's not.

zerothehero

Read Mindfulness in Plain English by Bhante Gunaratana.

BernieE

Give yourself the same kindness and forgiveness you would a close friend or family member who acted out while drinking. You weren't yourself. I was sometimes tortured with flashes of memories early on, but they diminish as you build new sober memories.

lanier

Thank you all - this is all very helpful.

Dee74

Hi Lanier

I'm another vote for focusing on today - think about who you are, not who you were

D

PrincessP

I'm on day one after a proper bender last night and I am obsessing over what i did and said. I can't stop thinking about it, trying to remember the blank spots. It's giving me suuuuuuch anxiety.

boliver123

To Princess, I too have had more mornings than I can remember where I felt the anxiety racing through me of what I did or said. But it's better than my last morning of waking up in jail learning that I had gotten a DUI. Didn't remember a thing.