Arbor

Youth. I feel this may be hard for lots of people to let go. I have found that I was placing too much emphasis on my youth. I couldn't let it go. Sure I'm not all old and gray just yet but I'm far from being a spring chicken. I had to stop acting like I was twenty five and wisen up. Quit the drink. There's no doubt that having children made this more clear. I am very grateful for this realization.

VDGS

Excellent topic. For me, I would say that wanting to hold on to my youth is part of what has kept me drinking over the years. The first couple of years I was drinking, I was doing so in a way that was fun and did not feel alcoholic. And what I mean by that is that I wasn't yet drinking to cover stuff up, to push things away, or to alleviate stress. I was drinking to have a good time with my friends -- and we had lots of them. I was shy and insecure, and drinking made me feel cool and invincible. One component of my alcoholism has been trying repeatedly to recreate those feelings. That innocent buzz. Unfortunately, I now have so much baggage and shame associated with alcohol that the drinking I did in my youth is gone forever. I also associate youth with avoiding needing to face the problem of the real world. Growing up. Getting sober. I think that's the only way to learn that we are capable of being strong and resilient people. Anyway, thanks again for the topic.
-VG

Arbor

Yeah, thanks VDGS. It all seems so obvious yet not so easy to admit. Holding on to youth isn't doable if you want to live a long healthy life. In general.

MythOfSisyphus

Yeah, it finally sank in that I'm not still the dashing, boyishly handsome man of my youth! It sucks that I wasted so much of it being drunk but I'm planning to make the most of what I have left.

MarathonMan

At what age should one let go of their youth as I suppose that is quite subjective....I'm 29 years old, old in the eyes of an 18 year old yet youthful by the standards of a 40 year old........should I be currently be holding on or letting go?

Arbor

Maybe it's not the number of years you have MM but where you stand in life. Take a look around. What do you got going on? For me I'm going to be 38 this year. I have a wife, three year old son with another on the way, a mortgage, and a pretty demanding job. Alcohol just didn't fit into the equation anymore. I kept trying to make that puzzle piece fit but almost killed myself in the process. It's a youthful act drinking. At least the way I want to drink it is. Where's that wisdom everyone talks about!

Oclaf

I'm only 23 but I had this thought in active using. That I had wasted so many years of my life using. It really depends on the perspective you give it. I was using to stop the feeling I was wasting my youth on drugs and alcohol lol the irony.

MarathonMan

We can all be youthful, sober and responsible.....one does not stop any of the others.

jaynie04

I think that is an interesting viewpoint Arbor. I am turning 50 next month, I think everyone encounters the inevitability of aging. I have noticed parallels between accepting the aging process and accepting sobriety. Trying to cling to youth is not honoring the woman I have become during my half century on earth. There is something exquisite about people who solidly embrace where they are regardless of what age.

Similarly, trying to hang on to drinking once I recognized I had a problem was a fruitless endeavor. I will never be a young girl again, and I will never be a woman who is content with one glass of wine.

Next month I not only turn 50, I also will celebrate two years of sobriety. Both events will be celebrations because I feel comfortable in my own skin again. We gain perspective as we age, and we gain perspective with sobriety. I don't miss the drinking for sure, and I don't miss being 20 (ok, maybe I miss being able to eat a whole pizza and then put on a bikini a little bit ). Acceptance releases so much anxiety, it sounds like you are there.

Ruby2

Jaynie, what great insight and congratulations on your upcoming milestones. Did you get your AARP card in the mail yet? That was eye opening.

I turned 50 last November and it really is about accepting who you are and being comfortable in your own skin. I like myself now far better than I did even a decade ago. All those miles I've put on, all my mistakes and triumphs have made me a far better person than I was.

If you are still young but an alcoholic and come out the other side, I can't begin to say how strong you are. Experiences others don't have and hard won confidence.

Good thread.

Arbor

On another note I noticed when my mind likes to go there with the thoughts of drinking it's all related to youth. In hindsight things are always so sweet. Just had to brush those off and leave em where they belong.