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Can I prevail on the wisdom of SR?

Old 04-24-2015, 09:43 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I'm sorry, AF. I know this is very hard, and his girlfriend probably called you because she has no other ideas for helping him. But, as others have said, there is really nothing you can do at this point. I hope that your brother decides to save himself.
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Old 04-24-2015, 09:47 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
 
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I'm sorry art friend and I get it. I've been watching my sister spiral down and abuse all of us who love her (even physically abused my mother). It's maddening. I go between being there and also having to step back.
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Old 04-24-2015, 09:51 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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I also think what makes this hard is because my sister was addicted as well and her life just went to hell. She ended up homeless and contracted AIDS. She ended up dying in the 9/11 attack as a final insult. So...now I watch my brother spiral into oblivion. I have to admit that this is very triggering for me. I haven't had anything to drink and I won't... but I am feeling that pull for sure.
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Old 04-24-2015, 10:11 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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About as far as I would get involved is to send them information for rehab/detox facilities in Rhode Island to the girlfriend. You cannot fix your brother. He needs to figure out himself that he needs to get help. Any help will by you will likely be resented by him until he figures out he needs to get help for himself.
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Old 04-24-2015, 10:41 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Totally agree with Anna Art

If hes abusive id stay well clear if he aint ready theres not much we or you can do

Shows a good heart tho (((((Art)))))
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Old 04-24-2015, 11:22 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Artfriend, I'm sorry to hear about your brother. There is a place called Butler Hospital that is in Providence. They are affiliated with Brown University and are one of the better psychiatric/addiction facilities in the country. Maybe suggest this to his girlfriend? I hope your brother can get the help he needs.
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Old 04-24-2015, 01:42 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Great advice here. I'll just add I've seen many well meaning soul (including myself) go to help someone else from drowning and both go down.

You have a full time job of your own staying in recovery Later on you'll be able to help many others. For now I'd focus on you

D
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Old 04-24-2015, 01:54 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by twal View Post
Artfriend, I'm sorry to hear about your brother. There is a place called Butler Hospital that is in Providence. They are affiliated with Brown University and are one of the better psychiatric/addiction facilities in the country. Maybe suggest this to his girlfriend? I hope your brother can get the help he needs.
I know about Butler because my sister was there for awhile and my brother was there as well years back when he was in school. He is Brown graduate. Although he knows about it, I may suggest it again. Thank you!
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Old 04-24-2015, 02:54 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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We all found rock bottom at different depths and before then as drinkers we all lied to ourselves and manipulated others.
Drinkers are like crabs in a bucket, if one tries to climb out we drag it back.
Drinkers fear losing drinking buddies, are envious of others who stop and defensive of our drinking.
In all probability you may not be ready to help him as you need to recover.
In reality the cold truth is he won't accept help or stop yet. His girlfriend can pray/beg/hope for all she wants but no alcoholic stops drinking until they need to. He'll be manipulating her for money and drink as all drinkers do. When he finally finds the attraction for sobriety in himself you may be there, but promoting it to him well ensure your not. He's defensive towards you because he is defending drinking and envious you've stopped - ways we all thought and felt as drinkers. He's blocked your calls and emails for these reasons so for both your sakes you must wait for him to reach out. If you don't it'll end badly for your relationship (destroying the damaged one it is)and when he is ready for help the girlfriend may also be gone - so then what.
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Old 04-24-2015, 03:30 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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ArtFriend,
Do not feel guilty at all
you need to put your hand to him...
If he does not take it, then is his decision!
You are there for him, let him know!!!
then the ball is on this court!

You can not do a thing,
he has to hit his own rock bottom.
If he does not want to change no matter what you do he will not!

My dad is far too gone in alcoholism and I accepted it,
Old dog you do not teach new tricks!
I love him but he has chosen to take this path!
I on the other hand I am fighting it!
I visit him nearly everyday and I let him know I love him
Even when he pushes me with aggressiveness and screams
bcos I know of his illness, I forgive him,
and when I say goodbye I think it might be the last time!
But my conscience clean!

Remember;
Give us the serenity to accept what cannot be changed,
The courage to change what can be changed,
and the wisdom to know the one from the other!


Try it... you can not!
need to accept it!

I he wakes up and decides to change!
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Old 04-24-2015, 04:00 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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The best thing you can do, at this point, for your brother is to take the best care of yourself you can. The time may come when he's ready to reach out to you and you need to have it all together if/when he does. What you're going through right now with the triggers/urges this situation has created for you and what you do about it will be experience and a strength you can pass on. Also, you'll be a role model showing that it can be done providing him hope.
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Old 04-24-2015, 04:21 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Don't think I mentioned this...but he is 62 and has already had heart surgery due to his drinking (2013). Time is of the essence. I fear by the time he "sees the light" (if that is possible) it will be far too late.
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Old 04-24-2015, 04:31 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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My father is 63 & still drinking w/high blood presure and heart problems too Art nothing i say not even in the most well meant of ways has any effect

He calls himself a survivor and he thinks hes got a gift he can turn it off (he cant hes drank my entire existance)

Breaks my heart but if he dont wanna know i have to respect that
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Old 04-24-2015, 04:36 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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I think it's worth considering sending him a letter. Nothing long and involved. Just something to make it clear that you'll be supportive and do what you can if he asks. Perhaps something about how medication can drastically reduce the difficulty and danger of withdrawal. At least a sentence or two about how you have gotten sober. Perhaps mention soberrecovery, AA and/or other resources.

Something short and sweet. A line about your mom, and an "I love you" at the end. I don't think it will hurt.

I hope things ease up for you soon. IMO that's the least you deserve.
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