Freedom from schizophrenia
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 873
Freedom from schizophrenia
You know, I've posted some about this issue, I don't keep it a secret. Its a huge part of me, at 30 I started hearing things, as time progressed they developed and got more involved. I denied what was going on, I lied to doctors, nobody wants to be the crazy guy. I would research the internet and get meds for a nubmer of conditions that were close to what I had to try and help the situation, but would lie about the reality.
I drank to cure the issue, I was hearing things telling me to kill myself, they were coming, I locked the doors pushed my worldly belongings against the door. It got worse I would arm myself with knives and anything I could think of, I knew they were coming for myself and my daughter and wife.
At first, I got over the delusions, I ignored it, but as time passed I bought into the delusions, I didn't want the meds they made me drowsy and gain weight. I fought it tooth and nail, I wasn't crazy, everyone was crazy for insinuating I was crazy. I ended up in the hospital with four point restraints crying bloody murder, I was lost. I didn't want help..... After all I had no problems, it was them not me.
I drank and and drank and drank, it never made the voices go away, it only made me ignore them on some level. It progressed, Miranda ( my primary voice) told me it was time to die, I was going to fulfill the prophecy, I was to be the martyr, the signs were there, I knew they were there, my wife stopped me from killing myself. I went to hospital, I was restrained, I knew the world hated me, I knew everyone was a liar, I knew I was being deceived, I knew I was being lied too, it was all plot against me.
I kept drinking I wanted an needed to drink, I knew that drinking was the answers the voices were liars, I couldn't kill myself, I didn't need medication I was normal, I didn't need anyone or anything it was all a lie.
The drinking and drinking, the acid, I mean if you hear things that don't exist what is a little acid, screw it, if I am going to be crazy lets be crazy all the way.
Then It happened the wife told to me to screw off, she was sober, she told me I have problems but you don't treat yourself, you drink everyday, you're a loser, an excuse machine, you can take meds you can stop drinking but you are a loser and a *****. You aren't a man , you hate yourself but want others to care for you, really nobody has that sympathy for you, because you don't carry that symphaty for you.
I don't know everyone's situation, mental vileness is real, if you want to tal I I am open and willing, I am no longer just a passenger in life!
I drank to cure the issue, I was hearing things telling me to kill myself, they were coming, I locked the doors pushed my worldly belongings against the door. It got worse I would arm myself with knives and anything I could think of, I knew they were coming for myself and my daughter and wife.
At first, I got over the delusions, I ignored it, but as time passed I bought into the delusions, I didn't want the meds they made me drowsy and gain weight. I fought it tooth and nail, I wasn't crazy, everyone was crazy for insinuating I was crazy. I ended up in the hospital with four point restraints crying bloody murder, I was lost. I didn't want help..... After all I had no problems, it was them not me.
I drank and and drank and drank, it never made the voices go away, it only made me ignore them on some level. It progressed, Miranda ( my primary voice) told me it was time to die, I was going to fulfill the prophecy, I was to be the martyr, the signs were there, I knew they were there, my wife stopped me from killing myself. I went to hospital, I was restrained, I knew the world hated me, I knew everyone was a liar, I knew I was being deceived, I knew I was being lied too, it was all plot against me.
I kept drinking I wanted an needed to drink, I knew that drinking was the answers the voices were liars, I couldn't kill myself, I didn't need medication I was normal, I didn't need anyone or anything it was all a lie.
The drinking and drinking, the acid, I mean if you hear things that don't exist what is a little acid, screw it, if I am going to be crazy lets be crazy all the way.
Then It happened the wife told to me to screw off, she was sober, she told me I have problems but you don't treat yourself, you drink everyday, you're a loser, an excuse machine, you can take meds you can stop drinking but you are a loser and a *****. You aren't a man , you hate yourself but want others to care for you, really nobody has that sympathy for you, because you don't carry that symphaty for you.
I don't know everyone's situation, mental vileness is real, if you want to tal I I am open and willing, I am no longer just a passenger in life!
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Down South
Posts: 709
Glad you are doing better-my brother had schizophrenia. I know how devastating it can be. Dealing with both mental issues and addiction seems unfair, but it seems like they often go hand in hand. I know I have my own (undiagnosed) issues.
Stay strong!
Stay strong!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 873
haha Marcher, I sleep in intermittent volleys, I am up right now, because a dear friend from across the planet is going through a real ordeal, and I need to be there for him. Additionally, I think I am a vampire, who needs sleep, LOL
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