Committing it to paper
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Committing it to paper
It has been suggested that I create a plan and commit it to paper, so this is what I've come up with so far:
1. prioritize my life, with alcohol not being anywhere on the list. My marriage and my business are 1 and 2.
2. No booze in the house.
3. Drive past the liquor store, pretend its not there.
4. Exercise more.
5. Stay an active member of this site.
6. Become more involved with my nephews and their sports participation.
I'm open to further suggestions. I'm getting pretty worn out on being disappointed in myself, feeling like crap on Sundays and being unproductive on weekends.
I don't think I've shared this before but my father is 71 years old, he's outlived his entire family, even his younger brother and sister. His parents died in their early 60's. He's had a severe heart attack, drinker and a smoker. If he were to pass away and I was either drunk or hungover or god forbid dealing with withdrawal, I would never forgive myself. That call is coming, don't know when, but it could be anytime. I want to be lucid when it happens. I'm the oldest, so I will be expected to step up to the plate.
1. prioritize my life, with alcohol not being anywhere on the list. My marriage and my business are 1 and 2.
2. No booze in the house.
3. Drive past the liquor store, pretend its not there.
4. Exercise more.
5. Stay an active member of this site.
6. Become more involved with my nephews and their sports participation.
I'm open to further suggestions. I'm getting pretty worn out on being disappointed in myself, feeling like crap on Sundays and being unproductive on weekends.
I don't think I've shared this before but my father is 71 years old, he's outlived his entire family, even his younger brother and sister. His parents died in their early 60's. He's had a severe heart attack, drinker and a smoker. If he were to pass away and I was either drunk or hungover or god forbid dealing with withdrawal, I would never forgive myself. That call is coming, don't know when, but it could be anytime. I want to be lucid when it happens. I'm the oldest, so I will be expected to step up to the plate.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 132
I think that's a good plan you've got started there. I need to work on one of those for myself. I can relate to the aging father part, mine's about the same age, similar health issues and is currently going through some health issues. And I'd feel absolutely crushed to not be there for him because of alcohol. Good thing we are here, huh?
You say you are worn out being disappointed in yourself, but how have things been lately? What changes have you made that are working? Maybe you can expand on those? I know that when we make goals they should be SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timely), so maybe you can further define what your goals mean to you. Especially with number one, what can you do to make your marriage and your business more of a priority? Or for number 4, how often are you going to exercise and what will you do? Maybe have a fitness goal, like running a 5k or increasing your weight lifting (or whatever you do for fitness
).
Just being mindful like you are is great. I've tried too many times in the past to just quit, without doing my homework about how I will STAY quit. Coming on this site daily is part of my plan, too, and so far it has been a great help to get things off my chest.
Good job on how far you've come and I look forward to updates on how your goals are coming along
You say you are worn out being disappointed in yourself, but how have things been lately? What changes have you made that are working? Maybe you can expand on those? I know that when we make goals they should be SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timely), so maybe you can further define what your goals mean to you. Especially with number one, what can you do to make your marriage and your business more of a priority? Or for number 4, how often are you going to exercise and what will you do? Maybe have a fitness goal, like running a 5k or increasing your weight lifting (or whatever you do for fitness
). Just being mindful like you are is great. I've tried too many times in the past to just quit, without doing my homework about how I will STAY quit. Coming on this site daily is part of my plan, too, and so far it has been a great help to get things off my chest.
Good job on how far you've come and I look forward to updates on how your goals are coming along
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
Brilliant! Self care is the best start, then maybe incorporating something altruistic (giving) as time goes on. I'm no rocket surgeon but a lot of my personal strife has been from too much focus on ME and all the methods of recovery work giving in. Right now it's my daughters 4, 11 and 13 but I'm looking into asst. coaching this season for middle daughter's soccer--from there, who knows? Best wishes on the rest of your life being awesome!
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Well, you asked how things have been lately, last week was good. I did drink on Friday but not Saturday and felt great all week. We had 10 inches of snow here on Monday of and I got out worked all day. So last week I drank 1 day, I don't drink during the week. So I felt that was some progress. This most recent weekend, it was crappy. I'll chalk it up to boredom, but its not an excuse.
I've also talked with my wife about it. She doesn't get mad really because I don't really do anything outrageously stupid. But she is very supportive. She rarely drinks, and when she does its 1 glass of wine.
I've also talked with my wife about it. She doesn't get mad really because I don't really do anything outrageously stupid. But she is very supportive. She rarely drinks, and when she does its 1 glass of wine.
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Your plan sounds good, but I hope you can add more fun activities. You mentioned boredom being a problem and the solution for that is to get involved doing things you enjoy doing and having a good time with sober friends.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 132
Boredom drinking, I know all about that. What can you do to keep from getting bored? For better or worse, I like to go out to eat. It's not exactly the healthiest outlet, for my waist or my wallet, BUT it's been helpful. I get to kind of enjoy the going out part that I liked so much for drinking, especially the boredom kind. My husband isn't super happy about that, since he's, rightfully, trying to get us to save more money. I see it as an investment to get through this initial hump, though, and I don't plan on making this a habit. The first week was so rough, physically, that I was too drained to feel like cooking or cleaning, and I felt kind of unhealthy by the end of the week. This last week I still went out a few times, mostly on the weekend, to take up some time and try some new places which helped with my usual weekend "boredom". This weekend, I'll try to reserve just one night to go out, and make some different plans for fun at home.
So maybe come up with a few ideas of things you'd enjoy doing this weekend to lower your temptation to drink? A book you want to read, a movie you want to see, a restaurant or park or store you want to check out. It's good you can talk to your wife about it and that she supports your decision. I know you've said you guys have a really good relationship and that's great! It's helpful to have someone in your corner to talk to. Even though I don't talk in great detail to my husband about my quitting drinking (he's supportive, but often doesn't know exactly what to say), but it's nice to know that he is there when I need support or just an ear to vent on.
So maybe come up with a few ideas of things you'd enjoy doing this weekend to lower your temptation to drink? A book you want to read, a movie you want to see, a restaurant or park or store you want to check out. It's good you can talk to your wife about it and that she supports your decision. I know you've said you guys have a really good relationship and that's great! It's helpful to have someone in your corner to talk to. Even though I don't talk in great detail to my husband about my quitting drinking (he's supportive, but often doesn't know exactly what to say), but it's nice to know that he is there when I need support or just an ear to vent on.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,228
Great job, Thomas! Great suggestions Anatta, Anna and Truckin'.
What I would change is number three. I wouldn't pretend that the liquor store doesn't exist. I would confront it and play out the scene in your head. What would it look like and how would it feel? Imagine the potential good and bad feelings and experiences. You have committed to sobriety because the bad outweighs the good. Have faith in your choice and yourself, use every opportunity to confront your AV.
What I would change is number three. I wouldn't pretend that the liquor store doesn't exist. I would confront it and play out the scene in your head. What would it look like and how would it feel? Imagine the potential good and bad feelings and experiences. You have committed to sobriety because the bad outweighs the good. Have faith in your choice and yourself, use every opportunity to confront your AV.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Westland
Posts: 11
Something I wish I would of done is put some empowering quotes on paper and stick them on my front door. Every time you go out the door, you will always be reminded of your goals and motivations to achieve them. I know when I go to AA meetings, a lot of times I get there and just turn away and leave. I could of made some daily goals on paper just to get myself in the right frame of mind. The mind alone is often not enough. With paper it's like making a commitment to yourself. Hopefully. Good luck to you
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I agree with you Pouncer, I can't run away from this. I need to approach it head on and with a clear mind.
I know for a fact the reason I have not yet succeeded is because I have not given it 100%, probably not even 60%. I committed 100% to stop drinking during the week, and I've been doing it for 2.5-3 years now (I think). I actually don't know how long I've had no alcohol during the week, its a been quite a while.
People here have offered some very quality advice, and I just have not put it into action.
I know for a fact the reason I have not yet succeeded is because I have not given it 100%, probably not even 60%. I committed 100% to stop drinking during the week, and I've been doing it for 2.5-3 years now (I think). I actually don't know how long I've had no alcohol during the week, its a been quite a while.
People here have offered some very quality advice, and I just have not put it into action.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
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Originally Posted by thomas11 
I agree with you Pouncer, I can't run away from this. I need to approach it head on and with a clear mind.
I am glad you are doing better today.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
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Great plan, Jeff, and great suggestions here.
Maybe add a number. " #_. Remind myself daily why I owe it to myself to be sober, why I am worth the effort it takes to be sober, why I deserve a better, happier and more fulfilling sober life."
Maybe add a number. " #_. Remind myself daily why I owe it to myself to be sober, why I am worth the effort it takes to be sober, why I deserve a better, happier and more fulfilling sober life."
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Hi Soberleigh, well, that's a tricky subject for me. I've wrestled with my self esteem from time to time.
I've said it before on this site, I really do enjoy being sober. LIterally everything in my life seems to go fairly well during the week when I am mentally and physically 100%. I throw away a day and half, and then spend most of the day Sunday trying to repair the damage I've done physically. I'm sure I'm not alone in that respect. But people that have committed to sobriety don't have to through that **** on a weekly basis. Is like giving yourself the flu for 1 day a week. What sane person would do that?
I've said it before on this site, I really do enjoy being sober. LIterally everything in my life seems to go fairly well during the week when I am mentally and physically 100%. I throw away a day and half, and then spend most of the day Sunday trying to repair the damage I've done physically. I'm sure I'm not alone in that respect. But people that have committed to sobriety don't have to through that **** on a weekly basis. Is like giving yourself the flu for 1 day a week. What sane person would do that?
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Join Date: Feb 2014
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Originally Posted by thomas11
Did alcohol take you down pretty hard? Was it gradual?
It took hold over an eight to nine year period; I didn't drink the copious amounts that some mention but everyday and enough to take over and take control.
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Since I was the one who suggested you write down a plan, I would be remiss if I didn’t comment on it. In my opinion, your plan is a good start, but it could be improved. It could specifically benefit by having more recovery related elements.
A plan is an organized approach to a problem or a long-term goal. Have you identified your problem or your goal? If so, look at your list again and ask yourself, “Is this plan going solve my problem or get me to my goal?”
A plan should not consist of more goals. Goals are difficult to measure. A plan should consist of objectives, which is a concrete action, one that is easy to measure. It should be clear that you accomplished an objective.
For example, you have Exercise More as part of your plan. How would you know you accomplished that? If you are doing zero exercising, ten pushups and ten sit ups is more. But it’s a subjective measurement. So Exercise More is a goal, not an objective. An objective would read like “I am going walk every day after dinner and I am going to increase by pace/time/distance by 5% each week.” By tracking your parameters, you will know if you’ve met your objective and where you are falling short.
Can you see now how some of the other items in your plan are vague and unmeasurable?
As I mentioned earlier, other than removing booze and driving past the liquor store and being active on SR, I thought your plan was a little light in recovery-related stuff. If you goal is to quit drinking, live a sober life, however you worded your goal, the majority of your plan should address that. Doing a quick brainstorm, a few things came to mind:
These are just suggestions, things that came to mind from looking at your plan and looking back at my own and other successful plans I’ve seen here on SR. Regardless of what you come up with, you should revisit the plan frequently (while in early recovery) and tweak as necessary, especially if you fail to maintain sobriety. Every relapse should be an opportunity to review and strengthen one’s plan.
But here is one last thing, something I feel strongly about, stronger than just offering it up as a suggestion. So I hope you will give it some serious thought Number one on your plan is prioritizing your life. Make recovery number one and your business and marriage will likely fall right in line. I am not trying to minimize the importance of your marriage or business. You can certainly add objectives to your plan that will address those goals. But unless I’m mistaken, your plan is to address your drinking. Specifically, stopping your drinking. So that really has to be your number one priority.
Again, great of you to get started on this. Good luck.
A plan is an organized approach to a problem or a long-term goal. Have you identified your problem or your goal? If so, look at your list again and ask yourself, “Is this plan going solve my problem or get me to my goal?”
A plan should not consist of more goals. Goals are difficult to measure. A plan should consist of objectives, which is a concrete action, one that is easy to measure. It should be clear that you accomplished an objective.
For example, you have Exercise More as part of your plan. How would you know you accomplished that? If you are doing zero exercising, ten pushups and ten sit ups is more. But it’s a subjective measurement. So Exercise More is a goal, not an objective. An objective would read like “I am going walk every day after dinner and I am going to increase by pace/time/distance by 5% each week.” By tracking your parameters, you will know if you’ve met your objective and where you are falling short.
Can you see now how some of the other items in your plan are vague and unmeasurable?
As I mentioned earlier, other than removing booze and driving past the liquor store and being active on SR, I thought your plan was a little light in recovery-related stuff. If you goal is to quit drinking, live a sober life, however you worded your goal, the majority of your plan should address that. Doing a quick brainstorm, a few things came to mind:
- Is there anything you can do to further your knowledge of alcohol, alcoholism, addiction, and recovery? Books you can read? Counseling or face to face support you can attend?
- What are you going to do about cravings?
- How are you going to handle social situation where alcohol will be involved?
- There is always something we say “Makes us drink,” and it usually comes down to poor coping skills. What in your plan addresses ways to improve coping skills, or mitigation if you find yourself in a situation that makes you drink?
- How can you start identifying as a non-drinker? How can you integrate non-drinking, sober activities into your life?
These are just suggestions, things that came to mind from looking at your plan and looking back at my own and other successful plans I’ve seen here on SR. Regardless of what you come up with, you should revisit the plan frequently (while in early recovery) and tweak as necessary, especially if you fail to maintain sobriety. Every relapse should be an opportunity to review and strengthen one’s plan.
But here is one last thing, something I feel strongly about, stronger than just offering it up as a suggestion. So I hope you will give it some serious thought Number one on your plan is prioritizing your life. Make recovery number one and your business and marriage will likely fall right in line. I am not trying to minimize the importance of your marriage or business. You can certainly add objectives to your plan that will address those goals. But unless I’m mistaken, your plan is to address your drinking. Specifically, stopping your drinking. So that really has to be your number one priority.
Again, great of you to get started on this. Good luck.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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These are some really good suggestions that people have given you. When I was in an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) my counselor suggested that I write down, "I love myself and I'm worth it." He told me to stick it on my bathroom mirror and look at myself every morning and repeat it.
I had beaten myself down physically and mentally by that point and didn't care about anything. I lost who I was as a person and needed to pick myself up from my negative thoughts.
I did what he suggested and the positive thinking really helped with my self-esteem. It really is amazing how positive thoughts can help with staying sober. I hope this helps!
I had beaten myself down physically and mentally by that point and didn't care about anything. I lost who I was as a person and needed to pick myself up from my negative thoughts.
I did what he suggested and the positive thinking really helped with my self-esteem. It really is amazing how positive thoughts can help with staying sober. I hope this helps!
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