angel70

So I went to court Thursday..not drink related! It was awful, my step son gave an absolutely stunning character assassination of me and I might go to prison. I have to wait til April 17th to find out. I have already waited 2 years. I'm really not coping. My husband is falling apart. I drank on Thursday night with his knowledge .. I have drank again today without his knowledge. I know its not helping. I have poured the rest away. I want to get back on track. I am absolutely terrified of the future and I really do not want to drink anymore. I got to 32 days before I caved. I'm ashamed of myself.

Pouncer

It is simple. If you value your life and family, you can't drink and you won't. The sooner you accept that you can never put another drink to your lips, the better.

Hang in there.

angel70

You r right pouncer. I know this..yet I allowed myself to give in. I need to get my head in gear again.

MissDaisy

A great slogan that is really sticking with me "Nothing is so bad, a drink won't make it worse"

angel70

Actually it really is that bad but you're right..drinking will make it worse.

Soberwolf

Keep trying Angel

Good job pouring it out

angel70

I will. Shower, dinner and bed I think. New start tomorrow.

Northlander

Hi Angel:

You were able to make it to 32 days, so that is encouraging. This time, some additional strategies and/or a few amendments to the plan will help you make it day-by-day. Allow yourself some pride in your 32 days, and plan on how to make it work this time.

I don't know your situation, but I do know from teaching in the prison system in my state that incarceration is often a last resort or the result of mandatory sentencing guidelines for the judge.

Incarceration is very expensive, not particularly effective in a range of cases, and many jurisdictions are reluctant to use it unless they have to.

If you don't get prison time, what a wonderful second chance to take full opportunity of all that sobriety offers.

If you do receive time, it truly is not the end of the world, though it may understandably feel like it. Compliance with the rules and regulations along with a respectful attitude will go a long way.

I wish you only the best as you start your new and much, much better sober life!

angel70

I appreciate your post northlander. I really am trying to see it as not the end of the world..its not like I'm going to die is it?!! Its just a very complicated situation and believe it or not my stepson is still living with us which I'm finding hard ton deal with. However..I do know that I don't want to drink and I'm regretting picking up that wine bottle. It won't happen again.

Dee74

I'm sorry for all that's happening Angel, but I'm glad to see you have your resolve back.

whatever else is happening, drinking will just make it worse....

D

PurpleKnight

Hang in there, alcohol won't solve anything, simply make things worse!!

Great job on pouring the rest out!!

Sasha4

You are probably in shock and panic mode.
Have you thought about visiting your GP and see is he/she can prescribe something that will calm you down?

Can your step son go stay elsewhere in the short term?
I'm taking it that this is your husbands child?

Drinking will make it worse.
To be honest there is little you can do until the 17th.
Drinking yourself silly won't change if you go to prison or not.

Keep close to us here, and post before you think of drinking if you can xx

angel70

Thanks Sasha..I'm already taking meds for anxiety prescribed by my gp. As I said its complicated so at the moment it looks better as far as court goes if my stepson still lives here. He won't move out voluntarily anyway but my husband can barely look him in the eye ( yes it is his son) and the atmosphere is terrible. Having a very down day today..but I won't be drinking.

Sasha4

Thats good that your GP is involved.

It sounds like a not nice situation to have to live in.

Just look after yourself and your husband.

wpainterw

Angel70: The road is hard for you right now. But if you don't drink, it will get less steep.You will need patience and determination but I promise that you will come out into more and more sunlight...if you don't drink. Look at it this way: the only thing you have to do at first is not drink. To do that, see your counselor, if you have one, see your doctor, see other alcoholics who have more recovery time than you. Don't socialize with former friends who drink or try to persuade you to have "just one". Do all this for yourself, to get to a better life. You can do this. Others on this website have. Keep posting. We will help you. Every good wish.

W.

kzaug2014

I know precisely what it's like to be terrified of the future,
but for different reasons. 10yrs ago, my hubby was given
10yrs to live ( so I know I'll outlive him. ) Also, my mom died
w/dimensia & my grandmother died from Alzheimer ( she
forgot how to eat. ) So, I'm quite certain I will loose all my
memories some day ( ttytt, feels like I already have dimensia. )

For the last 10yrs., I used these 2 reasons ( & many more ) as
excuses to be on drugs. I figured "what's the use?"

Then, last yr., things began to spiral outta control & I decided I
needed to face my fears ( still haven't got it figured out, but
but I'm going to...straight! )

angel70

Kzaug.. I'm so sorry for what you're going through..I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel. Reading posts like yours does help to give myself a mental kick up the a***. I know I'm lucky in many ways..not one person that matters has turned their back on me and beyond ( possible) prison I do have a future. Thank you x.