seeking support - made mistake
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 2
seeking support - made mistake
I am a new poster/visitor here, I hope this does not break any rules and all makes sense, I will answer any questions openly and honestly:
When I was younger I have used drugs and alcohol to deal with my problems.
I have been having a hard time lately, and after my Dr closing down have had trouble dealing with physical pain and mental issues.
Last week I slipped and bought pills and marijuana to try and sleep as I felt crazy not sleeping well for months. Now looking back I see that my Dr RXed medications not only helped me function but helped me to stay sober.
I have hurt myself and my family this last week and hate myself for it, self loathing seems to be far too common lately.
I am trying to get state assistance for medical help, and am approved but there have been delays. After last Tuesday and finding out instead of being approved there were further delays, I had a breakdown. My mom had been the only person I could talk to when I felt like this but she was out of town and instead of finding resources to talk to I slipped, it has been years since I bought medications or drugs on impulse and I thought I had a better handle on things.
It scares me to see how I have pushed my family away, and where this path could take me. Even having months sober after my RX meds ended, can all be thrown away in 1 week.
This makes me realize I cannot mess up even 2% of the time because I cannot have my life ruined, or my family put through hell.
I am going to continue to wait to get assistance (very soon hopefully) and come up with a plan to deal with panic attacks, depression, anxiety, and chronic pain.
In the meantime I am here for support, to make this a 1 time slip and not a regular part of my life like many years ago. This has made me realize I can try to self medicate when things are rough, and that I don't want to do that.
I appreciate the support here toward my goal of getting proper medical treatment, and not causing harm to myself (or family) through poor decisions in moments I am at my lowest and having trouble finding reasons to keep going. I know if I keep working to build a life I want, and find proper medical treatment, I can live without making these kind of mistakes.
Thank you for the advice and support.
When I was younger I have used drugs and alcohol to deal with my problems.
I have been having a hard time lately, and after my Dr closing down have had trouble dealing with physical pain and mental issues.
Last week I slipped and bought pills and marijuana to try and sleep as I felt crazy not sleeping well for months. Now looking back I see that my Dr RXed medications not only helped me function but helped me to stay sober.
I have hurt myself and my family this last week and hate myself for it, self loathing seems to be far too common lately.
I am trying to get state assistance for medical help, and am approved but there have been delays. After last Tuesday and finding out instead of being approved there were further delays, I had a breakdown. My mom had been the only person I could talk to when I felt like this but she was out of town and instead of finding resources to talk to I slipped, it has been years since I bought medications or drugs on impulse and I thought I had a better handle on things.
It scares me to see how I have pushed my family away, and where this path could take me. Even having months sober after my RX meds ended, can all be thrown away in 1 week.
This makes me realize I cannot mess up even 2% of the time because I cannot have my life ruined, or my family put through hell.
I am going to continue to wait to get assistance (very soon hopefully) and come up with a plan to deal with panic attacks, depression, anxiety, and chronic pain.
In the meantime I am here for support, to make this a 1 time slip and not a regular part of my life like many years ago. This has made me realize I can try to self medicate when things are rough, and that I don't want to do that.
I appreciate the support here toward my goal of getting proper medical treatment, and not causing harm to myself (or family) through poor decisions in moments I am at my lowest and having trouble finding reasons to keep going. I know if I keep working to build a life I want, and find proper medical treatment, I can live without making these kind of mistakes.
Thank you for the advice and support.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
It's great to meet you DHelp. When I came here I was so relieved to find others just like me. Everyone understands what you're going through. You can reclaim your life - please stay with us.
I hope the awesome support here can help you get clean and sober for good. 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and welcome.
Much progress towards sobriety I’ve found is positive thinking on my part and being receptive to suggestions at meetings. I learned I can only get sober for myself then good things fall into place.
I’ve been to many thousands of meetings and need to go to remind me I’m a person that cannot drink in safety. Humans in general have poor memories of the pain we went through.
The big thing in recovery is working and changing the reasons we drank. That’s not saying we won’t still be addictive to alcohol, that’s with us for life. The feelings we carry can be made manageable and not be our triggers to drink if we work on them as we can’t wish them away. JMO
BE WELL
Much progress towards sobriety I’ve found is positive thinking on my part and being receptive to suggestions at meetings. I learned I can only get sober for myself then good things fall into place.
I’ve been to many thousands of meetings and need to go to remind me I’m a person that cannot drink in safety. Humans in general have poor memories of the pain we went through.
The big thing in recovery is working and changing the reasons we drank. That’s not saying we won’t still be addictive to alcohol, that’s with us for life. The feelings we carry can be made manageable and not be our triggers to drink if we work on them as we can’t wish them away. JMO
BE WELL
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