Not feeling any better
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1
Not feeling any better
New here, so please forgive the awkwardness.
I've finally admitted to myself that I have a problem. Not sure exactly what it is, but it's a problem. For the past 5 or so years, I've been a regular binge drinker. At least once a week, sometimes 2 or 3 times, I'd go out and get tanked at the bar. Occasionally I'd stay home and drink alone but that really wasn't as fun. The point has always been to relax and get drunk. I rarely blacked out, but I almost always drank to the point of having a hangover the next day. The problem being that I have a moderately long list of drinking related incidents. I've passed out in public places, fallen and hurt myself, fought with people, had regrettable sexual encounters, and had 4 vehicle incidents in which the last one totaled my car. Luckily I've never directly hurt anyone and I've always managed to flee quick enough to avoid serious legal issues. Not proud by any means but glad I've never been arrested. A DUI would destroy me.
I'm a 31 year old guy, college educated, respectable career, live alone in my own house, date once in a while but nothing serious. I have a few good friends that I probably don't see enough, good family that I talk to regularly, finances are tight but my head is above water... things should be good. They aren't. I've been so miserable the past few years. So negative and I hate myself for it. For each of the good things I listed above, I can think of 5 reasons why they really suck. I'm angry, resentful, moody, and my fuse is nearly non-existent. I've been lazy as all hell and have no energy. My body hurts all over , I only get a few hours of sleep a night, and I've been having GI issues that a million dollar medical workup couldn't diagnose, yet despite the GI problems, I've been gaining weight like crazy which is odd because I've always been thin as a rail my whole life. None of that is me. I'm not the same person and I hate who I've become.
After my last alcohol related vehicle incident in early january, I finally decided that it needed to stop. While I still have had alcohol, I've stopped binge drinking and I no longer drink and drive. I know that quitting entirely is best, but this is progress. I feel no better physically or mentally though. Worse actually. I also think I've replaced the alcohol binging with food. Mainly sugar. Which could partially explain the weight gain I guess. I work long hours in a high stress job, so there wasn't much time for fun. The bar was always my main source of fun social interaction. It hasn't been easy finding a new hobby and new friends, so what little free time I have has pretty much been on the couch eating junk in front of the TV. Not the best trade off.
I've considered professional help but even writing this now, I can't admit that I'm not able to get out of this slump on my own. I do see a doc but I don't have the balls to tell him I have a drinking problem. I'm still not even sure if the booze is THE problem or just A problem. My career has a higher than average rate of mental issues and PTSD, and my father attempted suicide (nearly succeeded) when I was in high school. Both could be viewed as a cause for alcohol abuse... but the most stressful part of work for me is the administrative end rather than the working end that everyone thinks should bother me, and I feel like I got over the suicide attempt thing after he completed treatment. So I don't know. I guess we do have a family history of substance abuse come to think of it. Dad had a significant issue, brother and sister were casual drug users until they had families of their own, a paternal uncle died of a heroin overdose, and my paternal grandmother died after falling into a glass end table while drunk. My mother's side is a touch better, with only one cousin having a significant heroin addiction. So it's there, but I'm one to man up to my own problems and not look for an excuse.
Now I'm just rambling. I needed that though. Feel free to add your $0.02 if you're still paying attention.
I've finally admitted to myself that I have a problem. Not sure exactly what it is, but it's a problem. For the past 5 or so years, I've been a regular binge drinker. At least once a week, sometimes 2 or 3 times, I'd go out and get tanked at the bar. Occasionally I'd stay home and drink alone but that really wasn't as fun. The point has always been to relax and get drunk. I rarely blacked out, but I almost always drank to the point of having a hangover the next day. The problem being that I have a moderately long list of drinking related incidents. I've passed out in public places, fallen and hurt myself, fought with people, had regrettable sexual encounters, and had 4 vehicle incidents in which the last one totaled my car. Luckily I've never directly hurt anyone and I've always managed to flee quick enough to avoid serious legal issues. Not proud by any means but glad I've never been arrested. A DUI would destroy me.
I'm a 31 year old guy, college educated, respectable career, live alone in my own house, date once in a while but nothing serious. I have a few good friends that I probably don't see enough, good family that I talk to regularly, finances are tight but my head is above water... things should be good. They aren't. I've been so miserable the past few years. So negative and I hate myself for it. For each of the good things I listed above, I can think of 5 reasons why they really suck. I'm angry, resentful, moody, and my fuse is nearly non-existent. I've been lazy as all hell and have no energy. My body hurts all over , I only get a few hours of sleep a night, and I've been having GI issues that a million dollar medical workup couldn't diagnose, yet despite the GI problems, I've been gaining weight like crazy which is odd because I've always been thin as a rail my whole life. None of that is me. I'm not the same person and I hate who I've become.
After my last alcohol related vehicle incident in early january, I finally decided that it needed to stop. While I still have had alcohol, I've stopped binge drinking and I no longer drink and drive. I know that quitting entirely is best, but this is progress. I feel no better physically or mentally though. Worse actually. I also think I've replaced the alcohol binging with food. Mainly sugar. Which could partially explain the weight gain I guess. I work long hours in a high stress job, so there wasn't much time for fun. The bar was always my main source of fun social interaction. It hasn't been easy finding a new hobby and new friends, so what little free time I have has pretty much been on the couch eating junk in front of the TV. Not the best trade off.
I've considered professional help but even writing this now, I can't admit that I'm not able to get out of this slump on my own. I do see a doc but I don't have the balls to tell him I have a drinking problem. I'm still not even sure if the booze is THE problem or just A problem. My career has a higher than average rate of mental issues and PTSD, and my father attempted suicide (nearly succeeded) when I was in high school. Both could be viewed as a cause for alcohol abuse... but the most stressful part of work for me is the administrative end rather than the working end that everyone thinks should bother me, and I feel like I got over the suicide attempt thing after he completed treatment. So I don't know. I guess we do have a family history of substance abuse come to think of it. Dad had a significant issue, brother and sister were casual drug users until they had families of their own, a paternal uncle died of a heroin overdose, and my paternal grandmother died after falling into a glass end table while drunk. My mother's side is a touch better, with only one cousin having a significant heroin addiction. So it's there, but I'm one to man up to my own problems and not look for an excuse.
Now I'm just rambling. I needed that though. Feel free to add your $0.02 if you're still paying attention.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum Skeptic!! 
Keep in mind over 5yrs of drinking is not going to be repaired in a matter of months, the body can only heal at it's own pace, so hang in there, it will get better!!
Sounds like alcohol hasn't been doing you any favours, so making Sobriety work will pay off in the end, but revolutionising a lifestyle, forming new habits/routines is also going to take time, Rome wasn't built in a day is the saying!!
Hang in there, you'll find loads of support here on SR!!
Keep in mind over 5yrs of drinking is not going to be repaired in a matter of months, the body can only heal at it's own pace, so hang in there, it will get better!!
Sounds like alcohol hasn't been doing you any favours, so making Sobriety work will pay off in the end, but revolutionising a lifestyle, forming new habits/routines is also going to take time, Rome wasn't built in a day is the saying!!
Hang in there, you'll find loads of support here on SR!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Sounds familiar
Welcome to the forums. We're glad you're here, spend some time reading.
The solution is to not drink, at all, for any reason.
Everything you described is typical alcoholic thinking. Are you ready to stop drinking today?
Welcome to the forums. We're glad you're here, spend some time reading.
The solution is to not drink, at all, for any reason.
Everything you described is typical alcoholic thinking. Are you ready to stop drinking today?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 54
Based on the zillion things I've read about this, sugar cravings are pretty typical when you stop drinking. It's partially emotional but also partially a response by your liver to the news that it won't be getting any more of that fast burning ethanol. You might not think so at the moment but it's a positive development -- it means your body is getting to know sugar again and your liver is storing it. This is supposed to normalize over 6 months to a year or something like that. A while.
It's also sort of predictable that you would be in a terrible mood about your life. Without alcohol the blinders come off and there you are, sitting around by yourself *the way you were before* only now there is no softening of the picture. It's just life; boring, troublesome, ranging in pain from mild to excruciating. When sober people feel bad, they just sit there and feel bad until they figure out how not to feel bad. Exactly the way you are doing right now.
Booze isn't really a problem. It's an inert thing. You can do what you want with it including employing it to kill yourself. Everybody has a story about drinking; everybody is or is not an alcoholic; everybody feels like **** most of the time regardless. But I will tell you one thing, quitting *literally changes your brain* and once it is done with repairs it will offer you some *amazing* insights that will be absolutely new to you about all this.
Think about it. If you quit you will be totally able to figure out solutions and resolutions to everything you just wrote. You will start thinking like you did wayyyyy before this, way way way before it, like when you were ten. Clarity. It's an absolute guarantee.
But you have to wait. You have to quit and you have to stick it out. And then you'll see so much stuff, including exactly what the problems are. What do you have to lose, anyway?
It's also sort of predictable that you would be in a terrible mood about your life. Without alcohol the blinders come off and there you are, sitting around by yourself *the way you were before* only now there is no softening of the picture. It's just life; boring, troublesome, ranging in pain from mild to excruciating. When sober people feel bad, they just sit there and feel bad until they figure out how not to feel bad. Exactly the way you are doing right now.
Booze isn't really a problem. It's an inert thing. You can do what you want with it including employing it to kill yourself. Everybody has a story about drinking; everybody is or is not an alcoholic; everybody feels like **** most of the time regardless. But I will tell you one thing, quitting *literally changes your brain* and once it is done with repairs it will offer you some *amazing* insights that will be absolutely new to you about all this.
Think about it. If you quit you will be totally able to figure out solutions and resolutions to everything you just wrote. You will start thinking like you did wayyyyy before this, way way way before it, like when you were ten. Clarity. It's an absolute guarantee.
But you have to wait. You have to quit and you have to stick it out. And then you'll see so much stuff, including exactly what the problems are. What do you have to lose, anyway?
Stingy athlete recovery method
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 754
Originally Posted by Skeptic10787 
My career has a higher than average rate of mental issues and PTSD.
Oh yes, my career is a meat grinder too--and in this regard I already have enough horror stories to be a hit at campfire parties for the next 400 summer vacations.
Your message was helpful to me as a model for self analysis in that you detail formative elements so well. Thank you! I have trouble giving a detailed account of myself.
I attempt detailed accounts nonetheless since they open up possibilities for analysis. In your post I noticed two categories:
Category 1: Drink caused occurrences. Since I am guessing it scarcely possible that you would fight, fall, or crash cars without alcohol, I classify these occurences as drink caused.
Category 2: Drink correlated occurrences. Particular dissatisfactions, bad diet, and fatigue I classify as drink correlated in that it is possible these elements would continue--even if in a less acute form--were you to quit drinking.
To get to the point, your detailed account struck me as optimistic! Why? After you quit drinking, all the category 1 occurrences will be 100% NUKED, along with--let's say--33% of the category 2 occurrences. Add an exercise program and frank conversations with doctors, I am guessing a good deal of the remaining balance would dissolve. With the increase in fortitude, whatever percentage is left would be both much easier to manage and less crushing.
I need to drum up some optimism, so I am going to try anew to write up a detailed account of myself. Thanks for the great post. All the best in finding next steps.
Mel
P. S. For me the gym has substituted for the bar as a drama-free social zone that counterbalances my job zone--though I suppose many other substitutions would serve just as well.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
Sounds just like the escapades I had in my 20's and 30's.
My folks split up when I was 15 and dad went off to do whatever, I left school to get a job to support my mum and little sister.
Mum collapsed into severe depression and didn't get out of bed for six months followed by six months in a psychiatric ward.
Basically I had to stand on my own two feet from then on.
I solved all my own problems and quit several drugs along the way on sheer will power, but booze took me down for the count.
Probably the only thing that I have never been able to apply myself to solving on my own merits.
Perhaps you could need help with drinking like I did?
Reach out, there's a ton of resources out there these days.
Joining us here is a good start
My folks split up when I was 15 and dad went off to do whatever, I left school to get a job to support my mum and little sister.
Mum collapsed into severe depression and didn't get out of bed for six months followed by six months in a psychiatric ward.
Basically I had to stand on my own two feet from then on.
I solved all my own problems and quit several drugs along the way on sheer will power, but booze took me down for the count.
Probably the only thing that I have never been able to apply myself to solving on my own merits.
Perhaps you could need help with drinking like I did?
Reach out, there's a ton of resources out there these days.
Joining us here is a good start
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
Many good thoughts above. You say certain things haven’t happened to you because of your drinking. I was told to add the word YET= Your Eligible Too.
I needed to get honest with myself about my drinking which with alcohol in the system is difficult to do. After seeing the facts I needed to accept the fact I cannot drink alcohol in safety one day at a time in a row.
Try to not drink for 90 days and see if you feel better, what’s to lose? If you don’t like it your misery is refundable.
BE WELL
Many good thoughts above. You say certain things haven’t happened to you because of your drinking. I was told to add the word YET= Your Eligible Too.
I needed to get honest with myself about my drinking which with alcohol in the system is difficult to do. After seeing the facts I needed to accept the fact I cannot drink alcohol in safety one day at a time in a row.
Try to not drink for 90 days and see if you feel better, what’s to lose? If you don’t like it your misery is refundable.
BE WELL
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