Dean1978

Having been an alcoholic for the last 20 years I have tried sobriety so many times with such meaning and vigour but eventually failed.

Having tried recently I have again failed. This evening I reflected on the time when I did succeed (over a year) and realised it was when I was attending a group once a week and was honest about my urges to myself and family.

I live a solidarity life and where I thought I could do it alone I now think that life may actually be the thing holding me back.

My question (is I guess) did support, talking make the process easier?

I have always been a stubborn person so I feel it is weakness seeking more help.

PurpleKnight

Support was key for me, alone in isolation there was only going to be one outcome in early Sobriety, my addicted mind was selling the benefits to drinking hard, and I would cave eventually.

I needed something outside of myself, a second opinion on things, something to short circuit my own thought processes!!

Regular posting, even on the 24hr recovery thread here on SR made all the difference!!

You can do this Dean!!

awuh1

I found that only I could do, it but I could not do it alone.

Yes, I find that allot of us have a very independent streak. There is often truth in the saying that you can sure tell an alcoholic... but you can't tell um much.

All the best to you.

Mags1

Hi Dean, I used this forum for support. You can let your heart out for all to see and help you and we're all anonymous really.

I would never ever speak to anyone how I speak on here. Its private and everyone understands and can relate.

Dean1978

Thank you guys/gals.

I have realised my struggle comes in the evening ( I am a late night drinker, if that makes sense). When evening comes the battle begins between knowing I will feel better in the morning if I dont drink. Alcohol makes me feel like a I have a friend. The battle ensues in my head.

To many that seems a silly idea, "how can a beer give you company?" but i guess its the feeling of comfort which of having a friend nearby etc would give. Im rational that I know in breaking my habit or association of why i drink will help me but "tomorrow is another day, right?" :/

VikingGF

Hi Dean-
I am only now coming to realize that my stubbornness and unwillingness to "rely" on others or ask for help is the reason I have failed so many times, as well. This has been a huge thing for me, and I am now working on being as honest as possible both on this site, and in my life with my trusted friends. I also live on my own, and think that is part of the issue, no one to be accountable to each day. However, it's dawning on me the only one I really have to be accountable to is me. (You said a big mouthful, about being honest with YOURSELF about your urges. How long can we kid ourselves that we are in control or not in trouble?) That and admitting I cannot do this alone (just typing that is a huge deal) will hopefully be the keys in keeping me sober this time.

Get the support that you need, it sounds like you already know that's best. Thanks for putting some thoughts down that help me process my mess a little better.

Wishing you all the best.

Spacegoat

Hey Dean. I hear you man. I would be embarrassed to ask for help in any way a reasonable mindframe, it's not quite stubbornness for me but more like shame.

Saying that, I have bounced into the doctors before with a couple of litres and the attitude of 'you mofo's don't think I have a problem right, watch this- I need help!'

I wouldn't recommend that approach nor would I dream of doing something like that in my right mind. Posting on here is a good start? Nobody knows you here and whatnot.

As for stubbornness, yeah man I used to take pride in mine once upon a time until I met my ex and realized that its not a virtue at all! Quite the opposite. See you on the boards!

Dean1978

Thank you Viking, if you dont mind me asking how do you/did you manage alone?

I love running and cycling which are my passions which have slipped so i know is an indicator. Drs told me 4 years ago I wouldnt live a year if I cont so made a concious effort since then I justify i have done better than before when ultimately I have moved sideways somewhat.

Dee74

Support definitely made it easier for me.

I thought it was a weakness to ask for help too, in the beginning, and my addiction liked that just fine.

Every General knows strength is about knowing when to call in the reinforcements.

Dean1978

Thanks Strat means a lot dude. When my older brother got me drinking at 13 on hard lager it was to 'hardened' me up so i guess I have always associated booze with being something content/manly.

I dont know how many gay men you get on these forums, be intrigued to know

neferkamichael

Dean1978, I was a drunk for 40+ years and now 4 years 7 months sober. I too considered it a weakness to ask for help, but I have proven to myself that I was flat out wrong for such thinking. I did quit drinking cold turkey, however I believe support, especially here is the reason I have stayed sober. Rootin for ya.

Spacegoat

Interesting point, the drinking scene is a bit like that. I started drinking and doing drugs around the same age but I never conferred it onto my younger brothers which is what most people do. I don't go in for all the macho BS personally, I was pretty convincing at it when I was younger but I had to be and also down the pub. A lot of people fake that crap (badly), and guilty here too by times. 'Balance in all things', right?

I wouldn't know much about that tbh, haven't even had a good bromance lately. LOL. I know lots of cool gay folk though, and some not so cool ones also. Start a poll sure, why not Peace