Very unhappy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Tetra, i have noticed when i read your posts is that the VERY first thing you say about your self is when you last had a relapse. You never first mention the fact that you have been sober a LOT longer than 7 months. You magnify the bad and play down the good you going for you.
Why is that?
As for your parents? Stand up and act like an adult and EXPECT to be treated as such. it YOUR ONE LIFE, not mama's. Good Grief, why do you feel that you need PERMISSION to live like a normal adult woman???.... Hand mama a pair of scissors to cut the umbilical cord, (of course i would be tempted to stuff it in your mama's mean mouth, just sayin)..
Have some FUN with people your own age, (go on a dating website), go somewhere new. enjoy your life, you are doing great!
Why is that?
As for your parents? Stand up and act like an adult and EXPECT to be treated as such. it YOUR ONE LIFE, not mama's. Good Grief, why do you feel that you need PERMISSION to live like a normal adult woman???.... Hand mama a pair of scissors to cut the umbilical cord, (of course i would be tempted to stuff it in your mama's mean mouth, just sayin)..
Have some FUN with people your own age, (go on a dating website), go somewhere new. enjoy your life, you are doing great!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 750
Well done Tetra on 6 days! Hope you are feeling better. A lot of people here really care for you and support you. I can relate to you on the overbearing parents as well. It just brings me down being around my mother who I feel so judged and confused by at times, but then other times she is very supportive. I am an adult but my parents really can make me feel like a child real fast!
Keep us posted on your progress!
Keep us posted on your progress!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Tetra you are making great progress! Yes you relapsed but you are working on your sobriety, keep doing that.
Can you afford to move into a share place with some other young people? I'm not asking you to answer that here, I'm asking you as something to think about. I honestly believe you need to create distance from your family.
Can you afford to move into a share place with some other young people? I'm not asking you to answer that here, I'm asking you as something to think about. I honestly believe you need to create distance from your family.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
Tetra you are sober today. That is all that you can control... Just this moment. You have an addiction to alcohol, that doesn't make you a bad person. You are just another flawed person like everyone else on this rock. I think you need to show yourself a little kindness.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
Great job on 6 days, let the relapse go and learn from it.
You really sound like you need to get out and have some fun, can you kinda slink out of going to your parents on weekends? Like get a second job, take a class, volunteer, that way you're too "busy" to go. And DON'T ask you parents if that's ok, just do it.
Keep your head up! Enjoy your life, no need to put yourself through this xoxo
You really sound like you need to get out and have some fun, can you kinda slink out of going to your parents on weekends? Like get a second job, take a class, volunteer, that way you're too "busy" to go. And DON'T ask you parents if that's ok, just do it.
Keep your head up! Enjoy your life, no need to put yourself through this xoxo
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Good job on getting back on the sober train, Tetra! You can do this. One quote that helped me figure things out: "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life".
Don't try and live to please your mother, or your father. You don't owe them an explanation every time you mess up, and you don't need their applause every time you succeed. Your accomplishments over the past year have been fantastic...and they are YOURS. We all have to look ourselves in the mirror at some point and start living life for ourselves. You have made some great strides in this area, and it sounds like you've got a mind to accomplish even more.
Start making plans for your own place. Heck, even if you're don't have the money right now, get online and take a look at the prices, maybe even go look at a flat that's for rent. There's so much out there for you, and we're here to support you as you work towards a very bright future!
Don't try and live to please your mother, or your father. You don't owe them an explanation every time you mess up, and you don't need their applause every time you succeed. Your accomplishments over the past year have been fantastic...and they are YOURS. We all have to look ourselves in the mirror at some point and start living life for ourselves. You have made some great strides in this area, and it sounds like you've got a mind to accomplish even more.
Start making plans for your own place. Heck, even if you're don't have the money right now, get online and take a look at the prices, maybe even go look at a flat that's for rent. There's so much out there for you, and we're here to support you as you work towards a very bright future!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,023
Hey Tetra
As Sasha mentioned, you've made a lot of progress but they seem to be within the 'better the devil you know' perimeter if that makes sense. It's not so much that your mother is toxic; you've figured that out a long time ago but rather that she is a familiar and predictable source of negative emotions vis-a-vis venturing outside your comfort zone which is unpredictable and unknown (i.e., scary).
So, my couch potato view is that maybe you are self-sabotaging to avoid making that "big" change ? I used to self-sabotage or get in doomed scenarios because I believed I was: unworthy; did not deserve good fortune; loathed myself; was a loser; etc. That was ingrained into me from my childhood days as I only received affection and love if I achieved something. Otherwise, I was simply a burden on my parents especially my mother. A truly horrible delusion.
I think you need to believe, Tetra, that you are a wonderful and worthy person just by being yourself. From all your posts that I have read, I am convinced ! Discover this truth for yourself. I wont go on about spirituality as that makes folks faint or fall asleep but do seek clarity in some form. From all the posts I've read, the folks here have a really positive view of you..maybe they are onto something
Congrats on day 6. Change is scary and making deliberate steps away from your comfort zone appears scary but it isnt. Dont do it alone, get support from positive folks in your life, reach out !
As Sasha mentioned, you've made a lot of progress but they seem to be within the 'better the devil you know' perimeter if that makes sense. It's not so much that your mother is toxic; you've figured that out a long time ago but rather that she is a familiar and predictable source of negative emotions vis-a-vis venturing outside your comfort zone which is unpredictable and unknown (i.e., scary).
So, my couch potato view is that maybe you are self-sabotaging to avoid making that "big" change ? I used to self-sabotage or get in doomed scenarios because I believed I was: unworthy; did not deserve good fortune; loathed myself; was a loser; etc. That was ingrained into me from my childhood days as I only received affection and love if I achieved something. Otherwise, I was simply a burden on my parents especially my mother. A truly horrible delusion.
I think you need to believe, Tetra, that you are a wonderful and worthy person just by being yourself. From all your posts that I have read, I am convinced ! Discover this truth for yourself. I wont go on about spirituality as that makes folks faint or fall asleep but do seek clarity in some form. From all the posts I've read, the folks here have a really positive view of you..maybe they are onto something
Congrats on day 6. Change is scary and making deliberate steps away from your comfort zone appears scary but it isnt. Dont do it alone, get support from positive folks in your life, reach out !
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