Struggling but finding new thought lines
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: toledo, ohio
Posts: 94
Struggling but finding new thought lines
It’s been nearly 8 months since I relapsed on June 18th, 2014 and since April 1 since I decided to quit and stuck to it. I was in a terrible emotional place when I quit drinking. I was beginning to go from functional to non-functional. I quit drinking and was bullheaded about seeking help. I did not understand what AA was for I thought I just had to quit drinking and stay away from it for a long enough period of time for it to work. Though, I did get myself back into shape. I lost 90lbs in six months and completed several projects all at once. I tried some new things, such as skydiving, water skiing and I ran a tough mudder. I meditated, I tried every positive thinking exercise known to man. But I was not in recovery and went on a date and I didn’t know how to answer the girl when she asked why I wouldn’t drink I locked up and said ah screw it it’s been almost three months one won’t hurt I can prove to myself I’ve gotten better. I woke up 24 hours later with all my dogs toys piled on my chest and she was looking at me like what the hell happened to you I was supposed to go for a walk five hours ago.
I finally went into recovery and I found one at the church where my aunt and uncle go. Unfortunately this was a bible study posing as a recovery program. I believe in a purpose to life and that’s about it, that’s as close as I can come to a higher power. But my main problem was, we never talked about our problems we just did bible study and if we had time and we never did we talked about our issues. So I was in a bad spot. I then jumped into the relationship I was in before this with a girl who was an alcoholic that I was in love with. She wanted to quit together and volunteer together. Unfortunately she was nowhere near where she needed to be and it was a crazy 5 months and we still talk. But I stayed sober and she’s still trying and it was a blessing in disguise because we found out something interesting about me. I am type 2 bipolar and have several personality disorders including borderline personality disorder and double depression. So I needed two separate recovery programs and a psychiatrist. I found out my family has a whole dark history of mental illness and I remember how depressed I was as a kid and teenager.
I now volunteer at several locations. I am in a support/group therapy group at the VA. I have high hopes for a new recovery program which is Race to Recovery along with another more traditional AA program that was suggested to me by a drug and alcohol counselor. I am still in a state of transition but I feel that now at least I am doing everything possible to deal with both the addiction and the underlying mental disorders of which addiction was a symptom. It’s been maybe the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. It’s scary at times. I ended up on the veterans crisis line a month ago to finally get treatment for my mental health. I am now committed to the process and realize that that’s what it is a process. I now understand what a close friend once told me about sobriety. He said that you can’t just go in and change one thing and hope that just quitting will cure you. The thing that has to change is simple….Everything must change. I know that my story may be unique with the mental health issues. I just want to make people aware and say that just because you quit drinking doesn’t mean you are cured it’s a process and a long process really lifelong. Thanks to all of you for your stories because it’s finally sinking in. I wish everyone well in their recovery.
I finally went into recovery and I found one at the church where my aunt and uncle go. Unfortunately this was a bible study posing as a recovery program. I believe in a purpose to life and that’s about it, that’s as close as I can come to a higher power. But my main problem was, we never talked about our problems we just did bible study and if we had time and we never did we talked about our issues. So I was in a bad spot. I then jumped into the relationship I was in before this with a girl who was an alcoholic that I was in love with. She wanted to quit together and volunteer together. Unfortunately she was nowhere near where she needed to be and it was a crazy 5 months and we still talk. But I stayed sober and she’s still trying and it was a blessing in disguise because we found out something interesting about me. I am type 2 bipolar and have several personality disorders including borderline personality disorder and double depression. So I needed two separate recovery programs and a psychiatrist. I found out my family has a whole dark history of mental illness and I remember how depressed I was as a kid and teenager.
I now volunteer at several locations. I am in a support/group therapy group at the VA. I have high hopes for a new recovery program which is Race to Recovery along with another more traditional AA program that was suggested to me by a drug and alcohol counselor. I am still in a state of transition but I feel that now at least I am doing everything possible to deal with both the addiction and the underlying mental disorders of which addiction was a symptom. It’s been maybe the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. It’s scary at times. I ended up on the veterans crisis line a month ago to finally get treatment for my mental health. I am now committed to the process and realize that that’s what it is a process. I now understand what a close friend once told me about sobriety. He said that you can’t just go in and change one thing and hope that just quitting will cure you. The thing that has to change is simple….Everything must change. I know that my story may be unique with the mental health issues. I just want to make people aware and say that just because you quit drinking doesn’t mean you are cured it’s a process and a long process really lifelong. Thanks to all of you for your stories because it’s finally sinking in. I wish everyone well in their recovery.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Yes, it's very true that this is a journey we are on and for me too, it meant changing pretty much everything. I'm glad you have a good plan and are doing what's working for you.
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