Nonsensical

Something, somewhere, needs to be in smaller pieces.

Mirage74

I agree with dog, that desire you're talking about is what is so dangerous, especially when is accompanied with the obligatory "F it's". Here's a running dialogue in my head, right before a relapse, that I've experienced:

Alcoholic Me: I want to get drunk
Rational Me: but you're alcoholic
AM: Ahh, but I want to relax
RM: but you know what will happen, you should tell someone
AM: nah, they'd only talk me out of it. F it
RM: ok, F it.
(Make store run)

Yea, it's irresponsible, selfish, and immature. I think that's why they harp on those things in recovery - being responsible, getting out of yourself. Things an alcoholic hears and shivers. Anyway, maybe that's just me. I heard a guy say one time that recovery is about "growing up". I think he may be right, for me anyway.

Sorry if I sound like I'm preaching. I'm saying this as much for me as anyone else. Because I know exactly where you're coming from. I had that feeling this morning again when I woke up. It's important for me not to cave this time. Tell on myself. Get out of my head. Hang strong, alpha.

anattaboy

Finding something to clean or fix and giving it full attention works wonders but is still the LAST thing I try. If you are an oblivion seeker now there should be plenty of minute things from your recent past to address. It really IS all in the details. I have some nice artwork on my 4 yr. old's closet wall drawn with sharpie calling my name right now....I think she did it while I was here posting something earth-shattering.

MIRecovery

Meetings work for me. Listening to others problems, views, and triumphs works like magic

Wastinglife

Getting out of my head has been my biggest challenge to sobriety. I tend to ruminate about the past and worry about the future. Alcohol always provided inner peace to me but as soon as it wore off, I was back to mentally torturing myself with a vengeance.

The only thing that seems to work is to get out and walk. As I walk, I practice mindfulness techniques.

alphaomega

Lol !! Yes, I have cleaned every drawer, twice. I've thrown out things my husband is like "wait !! I need that ?!?!". But, yes, there's always more to be done....

I have a Tibetan singing bowl, and a Native American drum in my meditation room. Neither of which I have spent any time getting familiar with.

I'm going to see if I can't induce a trance with sound today.

But first, we walk.

Thanks everyone for your suggestions. You guys are the bestest.

happyandfree

In the beginning I watched a lot of movies and tv. Series on Netflix. Sometimes I even went to a department store and poked around. Clean your house, it feels good to clean out closets. Now I do some volunteer work, which I agree, has lasting effects.

sugarbear1

I talk to someone who is having more problems than I am; this gets me out of my head.

spray Lysol works on sharpies sometimes.....

anattaboy

Thanks bear. I went with nail-polish remover and will hit it with kilz when dry. Meanwhile, the gum in carpet is screaming for lemon juice and PB.

Soberpotamus

Reading and writing are two things that work for me. I mean, there are tons of other things and they've all been mentioned. Walks, dogs, volunteering, reading on SR...

I really liked Carl's response and I think he's spot on. At least, for what's true for me. This need to escape, the need for temporary oblivion... it can be a dangerous thing. In fact, I don't often find myself wishing for this anymore.

I think one of my oldest and most persistent fantasies is to get in the car and drive... to nowhere. But the thing is, nowhere is No Where. You know? Everywhere is somebody's somewhere. Every place has an ugly dirty side, an ugly history. Someone's hurtful memories.

Sitting with my thoughts and feelings... sounds so boring, so grown-up, or so new agey touchy feely. It's been a really good thing though.

jaynie04

This is probably weird but I read World History. Somehow it helps anchor me and realize how big the world is and how many parts are always moving .

I also will use google map and look at some remote places like a Siberian fishing town. And then I will find info on the history and the people of that place.

I love to shovel. I get really claustrophobic during this time of year, so somehow shoveling pushes the confines back. It probably appeals to my OCD tendencies too.

biminiblue

We went there and we can't un-go there, you know?

It is one more of the consequences of our descent into the bottle - that we now have this knowledge that is forevermore a part of us. The knowledge of the possibility of escape is a sad reminder of how attached our psyche became.

Prayer works for me. Part of what the drug gave me was a communion with the Divine. It made me feel omnipotent, untouchable, above it all. I had thoughts and feelings that couldn't be recreated any other way other than sex. Today I have to consciously seek to connect to the Divine. It's still there, I just have to make an effort instead of having it handed to me with a drink. It's a little more work; and to be honest, that's not really in my nature.

jaynie04

Oh…and I make fun obstacle courses for my cats and have kitty Olympics. PP, Bugaboo and Stretch sit there with their eyes bugging out of their heads when I get a shopping bag or a box out and throw a ball into it. There is something so decadent about their ability to just throw themselves into a frivolous adventure. And it cracks me up that 20 minutes later they are all snoozing without a care in the world.

neferkamichael

Alphaomega, when you figure it out please post it cause I would love to get outta my head and stay out. Seriously though, goin on 5 years no booze, 4 years no cocaine, and 3 years no cigarettes, and still no serenity most of the time. Still haven't been able to fill the void, don't know how yet, rootin for ya.

newlifecy

Get into service. That's what's suggested. It works! Helps me get out of my own head, my selfish thoughts, my need to think about me all the time. I can't think my way out of unhealthy thinking.

Soberpotamus

I do this too! I was stuck on Ireland for several months, reading history books, Googling different places, chatting with people online about it. It sucked me in for a while.

ArtFriend

Interesting article in the New York Times about introspection versus self-absorption.

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/08/op...=fb-share&_r=0

FreeOwl

Frozen tundra you say?

Well I just got back from an 8-mile run on the snowy trails in the fifteen degree fresh air and I can tell you..... nature's magic still works in the cold.

Jusssayin'.....

EndGameNYC

My drinking allowed me to create dreary, repetitious, and often dangerous obstacle courses with which I spent most of my time. Who knew that all I needed is a box and a ball?

It's a great question, Alpha. Up until I got sober in my twenties, I'd spent most of my life "living in my head." Or in books. Or movies. So I was well primed to avoid reality and remain in my head with "adult beverages" when the time came.

I thought about your question, but didn't come to any one particular answer. If the problem is that you're staying in your head due to cravings, well, those seem to pass for most people here over time. If getting stuck in your head means a mish-mosh of anxiety flavored oatmeal, then that's something different. I've experienced both.

The best I could come up with is this: All the treatment that I participated in when I got sober helped to bring me to a much better place with this issue, and with many others. So, for me, there most certainly were tangible results from treatment.

To review, I was in five-day medical detox, and then twenty-eight day inpatient rehab. I then immediately got involved in IOP for about two months, six days/week, three hours/day (one hour on Saturdays), and then regular OP treatment for the next ten months. During that time, I went to meetings every day for about seven months, and then about three times/week following that.

This whole process went on for about fourteen months. What I did was use the treatment to heal, though in the beginning, I imagined that I was getting sober in order to get back on my feet so that I could resume my drinking.

I just did what everyone suggested in detox, rehab, OP and AA. I talked endlessly about my cravings and other issues. Whenever I raised my hand in an AA meeting, most people smiled, knowing that I'd again be talking about my cravings. They and I also knew that without a tremendous amount of support, I'd likely be drinking again in short order. I felt safe, and protected, even though the cravings seemed to be constantly banging around in my head.

Somewhere along the line, I lost my heart for drinking. The cravings subsided, and I was then able to live my life without all the pressure I'd been experiencing. A good friend in AA told me that I'd been living my life all along by making use of treatment and by using AA to get through my early sobriety, and that I just didn't know it or see it that way.

Another benefit of treatment, and to a lesser extent, AA, was that I regularly witnessed people who didn't give a shite about getting sober, about changing anything in their lives, and who were often disruptive in IOP and OP. I at first despised them, projecting my own feelings about getting sober on them so that I could avoid dealing with my own feelings about my getting sober. What I saw during these moments were people I did not want to, or no longer wanted, to be. Later on, I understood that I could become a different version of the people I'd come to despise with very little effort.

I've told a friend here in PMs that if I were to describe how I got sober, that it wouldn't make any sense, that I probably couldn't describe what I did in a way that would be helpful to anyone else. What I've described above is no guarantee that someone who does the same thing will get sober. That was the leap of faith for me...that if I continued to work on getting sober, that I could actually get sober. Like that line (and the title of a book), "With all this horseshite, there must be a pony."

As is true of many people, I didn't genuinely want to stop drinking when I first got sober, and I was afraid of and therefore resistant to change. I imagine that most of us get sober under varying types and degrees of duress, from without and from within. Yet I got sober...in spite of myself. I don't know how it came about that I wanted sobriety more than I wanted to continue drinking. There is no "key" for me about getting sober. I tend to think of it more as an attitude that owes its existence and its power to putting in the work. I can't say what that work is for anyone else, but I do believe that doing little besides putting down the drink guarantees its own particular outcome.

The quiet mind that I've enjoyed for the past two of the three-and-a-half years in my sobriety has more of a dimmer switch than an On/Off button. I don't get crazy inside myself. I rarely experience anger. And I don't predict dire outcomes in the things that I do or plan to do. Internal conflict is a kind of combat; it's very aggressive and often needs an outlet. For me, alcohol was the delivery system, the impetus or the release, for my acting out while I was drinking, and what I did was never pretty. Armed with a great deal of remorse and self-loathing following my behaviors, I then had a great reason for continuing to drink.

I stopped hating myself. Picking on myself. My fears became challenges, and engaging my challenges became a way of life. I have a difficult time sitting still, always have. I learned how to sit still in my life, to slow down, in my work and in my own therapy. I didn't "forget" all that or become stupid just because I relapsed after many years. I learned patience. I no longer grant painful thoughts either immediacy or power. I'm passionate about the things I do and about ideas and beliefs that stir my passion.

I have regrets, have suffered from broken-heart disease, and sometimes fantasize about righting the wrongs in my life. But all I can do is the best thing that I can do...and that's living my life with fewer limitations than I used to. The ultimate limitation is death...or living a life without meaning or purpose. Already knowing what that's like, I choose not to go there again.

Choice is the ultimate freedom and the most painful reality. I screamed for the opportunity but also withered in its shadow. I remain and will always be in awe of my own personal freedom, but at least now I know that I can act on my freedom, my choices, without being annihilated.

VikingGF

I am starting to think we are not supposed to shut down. That was such a goal of mine for such a long time, turn off my mind. Do it with wine, food, movies, whatever. But recently I figured out that was not the way to go. If I'm not paying attention, who is? I am finding that music and physical activity make me feel better than drinking ever could have. Of course, I have to remind myself of this CONSTANTLY- and I am trying to change my thinking. What do they say, 20 days makes a habit? It seems to be taking longer!