Does life really get better?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
I don't know, does this sound like "better"?
1) way less worry/anxiety
2) no more being ashamed of drinking
3) more disposable income
4) not sick from hangover most of the time anymore
5) look more attractive to other humans
6) chance of alcohol-related incarceration drops to zero
7) smell less bad
that's good for a start
You do have to find some way to fill all your newly-acquired free time after quitting that second job that drinking had become, but there are worse burdens to bear. Could just get a second job
1) way less worry/anxiety
2) no more being ashamed of drinking
3) more disposable income
4) not sick from hangover most of the time anymore
5) look more attractive to other humans
6) chance of alcohol-related incarceration drops to zero
7) smell less bad
that's good for a start
You do have to find some way to fill all your newly-acquired free time after quitting that second job that drinking had become, but there are worse burdens to bear. Could just get a second job
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
"Does life really get better?"
I think it does as much as you are making it better for yourself. I doubt that passively waiting for sober life to get better, without making lots of effort, will happen to anyone... even if the efforts do not clearly reflect conscious desires, especially initially. It's about forming different, new kinds of habits, living differently, which in turn will affect our mental processes and motivation. I personally doubt that doing AVRT on its own, by myself, would have been successful for me. But it is for many people. I would suggest that if you feel one method is not enough and you get stuck, try other things as well. We don't need to formulate strong opinions and conclusions before trying something. I do a lot of things in life because... why not? What can I lose? Or sometimes because I know it would be challenging for me and I want to see what I could learn from the challenge.
I think it is generally agreed upon amongst people with satisfying long-term sobriety that we get out of recovery as much as we put into it.
I think it does as much as you are making it better for yourself. I doubt that passively waiting for sober life to get better, without making lots of effort, will happen to anyone... even if the efforts do not clearly reflect conscious desires, especially initially. It's about forming different, new kinds of habits, living differently, which in turn will affect our mental processes and motivation. I personally doubt that doing AVRT on its own, by myself, would have been successful for me. But it is for many people. I would suggest that if you feel one method is not enough and you get stuck, try other things as well. We don't need to formulate strong opinions and conclusions before trying something. I do a lot of things in life because... why not? What can I lose? Or sometimes because I know it would be challenging for me and I want to see what I could learn from the challenge.
I think it is generally agreed upon amongst people with satisfying long-term sobriety that we get out of recovery as much as we put into it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Life didn't change.
I changed and my view of life has changed. I accept life on life's terms today. I don't run away into the bottle looking to escape the problem, I seek the solution to the problem.
The solution will come but I have to put some action into it. Many times it is as simple as letting it go, letting my HP handle it. I wanted everything to work out the way I wanted it to, life does not work that way. What will be, will be and no amount of drinking on my part was going to change that.
So no, life does not always get easier and it is not always better but I would rather deal with life as a sober person.
At the start, I had no idea how to do that. I had not lived a life as a sober person, I had to learn how. The AA program taught me what it meant to be an alcoholic, how to clear away the wreckage from the many years I drank and to live life as a sober alcoholic.
I think that many people try to put down the bottle after years of drinking and they think all the pieces will fall into place, they don't, or at least they didn't for me. I had to ask how. I didn't know how to think like a person that is not an alcoholic. I didn't know how to cope with problems, I always drank them away. I didn't know how to cope with emotions, I always drank them away. I didn't know how to have fun without alcohol, it was always there. I didn't know how to be a friend, mine were all drinking buddies.
So, it takes time to learn these things and the AA program and the fellowship can teach you if you want to learn. Willingness to take suggestions and reaching out and asking how to handle a problem were key for me.
The part that took the longest was to admit and then accept I was an alcoholic.
After that, came the hard part, I had to accept the solution as well.
What ever program you want to try is not the hard part, it is embracing it and accepting it as the solution to your problem. If you will accept that it is the solution, then you will be a lot more willing to do whatever it takes to get and remain sober.
I changed and my view of life has changed. I accept life on life's terms today. I don't run away into the bottle looking to escape the problem, I seek the solution to the problem.
The solution will come but I have to put some action into it. Many times it is as simple as letting it go, letting my HP handle it. I wanted everything to work out the way I wanted it to, life does not work that way. What will be, will be and no amount of drinking on my part was going to change that.
So no, life does not always get easier and it is not always better but I would rather deal with life as a sober person.
At the start, I had no idea how to do that. I had not lived a life as a sober person, I had to learn how. The AA program taught me what it meant to be an alcoholic, how to clear away the wreckage from the many years I drank and to live life as a sober alcoholic.
I think that many people try to put down the bottle after years of drinking and they think all the pieces will fall into place, they don't, or at least they didn't for me. I had to ask how. I didn't know how to think like a person that is not an alcoholic. I didn't know how to cope with problems, I always drank them away. I didn't know how to cope with emotions, I always drank them away. I didn't know how to have fun without alcohol, it was always there. I didn't know how to be a friend, mine were all drinking buddies.
So, it takes time to learn these things and the AA program and the fellowship can teach you if you want to learn. Willingness to take suggestions and reaching out and asking how to handle a problem were key for me.
The part that took the longest was to admit and then accept I was an alcoholic.
After that, came the hard part, I had to accept the solution as well.
What ever program you want to try is not the hard part, it is embracing it and accepting it as the solution to your problem. If you will accept that it is the solution, then you will be a lot more willing to do whatever it takes to get and remain sober.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
"I think that many people try to put down the bottle after years of drinking and they think all the pieces will fall into place, they don't, or at least they didn't for me. I had to ask how. I didn't know how to think like a person that is not an alcoholic. I didn't know how to cope with problems, I always drank them away. I didn't know how to cope with emotions, I always drank them away. I didn't know how to have fun without alcohol, it was always there. I didn't know how to be a friend, mine were all drinking buddies"
This^^^
I always knew something was missing in my life but I never could put my finger on what it was. It was all the above. Somewhere along the line I must not have been paying attention in life's lessons. How to be a friend, how to cope, how to fit in, and on and on.
So when I quit drinking I just kind of stumbled along, trying to figure it out. I had made up my mind that I wasn't going to retreat into the bottle but stand up to the problems. But what to do? I'm still learning. It is getting easier. But life isn't easy for anyone really. Some people just have more intuitive tools for dealing with life other than the bottle. I just have to learn how to live life. I can't do that if I'm still drinking.
The key for me is one day at a time. Today, I'm not going to drink. Tomorrow, I will say the same thing. When I go to bed, I cast my prayer/reflection/thought, up to the sky "I'm grateful I am sober today." I look back over the day and take inventory of what I did right, what could be improved, what I can eliminate, and learn from that. It is all baby steps in the beginning. I'm still toddling along. You can do this.
This^^^
I always knew something was missing in my life but I never could put my finger on what it was. It was all the above. Somewhere along the line I must not have been paying attention in life's lessons. How to be a friend, how to cope, how to fit in, and on and on.
So when I quit drinking I just kind of stumbled along, trying to figure it out. I had made up my mind that I wasn't going to retreat into the bottle but stand up to the problems. But what to do? I'm still learning. It is getting easier. But life isn't easy for anyone really. Some people just have more intuitive tools for dealing with life other than the bottle. I just have to learn how to live life. I can't do that if I'm still drinking.
The key for me is one day at a time. Today, I'm not going to drink. Tomorrow, I will say the same thing. When I go to bed, I cast my prayer/reflection/thought, up to the sky "I'm grateful I am sober today." I look back over the day and take inventory of what I did right, what could be improved, what I can eliminate, and learn from that. It is all baby steps in the beginning. I'm still toddling along. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Life definitely gets better Chloe in Sobriety.
My life was incompatible with alcohol, the hangovers, the lower productivity at work, the lost hours of sitting on my own drinking in front of the TV, the money that was wasted, the self respect for myself I gained, the health benefits, lower anxiety, the constant obsession over my next drink . . . and the list goes on!!
My life took a turn for the better the say I parted ways with alcohol on a permanent basis!!
My life was incompatible with alcohol, the hangovers, the lower productivity at work, the lost hours of sitting on my own drinking in front of the TV, the money that was wasted, the self respect for myself I gained, the health benefits, lower anxiety, the constant obsession over my next drink . . . and the list goes on!!
My life took a turn for the better the say I parted ways with alcohol on a permanent basis!!
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