Day 39: Cravings
Stay Strong and Motivated
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 78
Day 39: Cravings
Today is day 39 and I feel more and more confident as the days roll by. However, this last Sunday I had a wicked case of "craving the drink". My wife and kid were going out of town for the day to visit my mother in law and I was happy that I'd get some time to myself since I had the day off from work. Once they left the thoughts of having a drink began to go through my mind, the rationalization of "just today" and "once won't hurt". I began to plan it out; how I would make up the excuse as to why I wasn't answering the phone when my wife called, how I'd pay with cash so she couldn't see the transaction on the phone app, what I would do when she came home, the reasons I wanted to drink and so on. In the past, when my family went off to do whatever for the day, I'd use it as a free for all to get drunk. As I thought more about it, there haven't been any of those "days off" since I got sober. I think maybe it was trigger, or memory of what I did when I was home alone. Sunday was hard, I didn't think I would make it, and those thoughts made me depressed and I kind of fell into a downward spiral. I pretty much had given up but thankfully refused to go to the store. I was reading posts on SR, despite not posting myself which I should have, and tried to get motivated again to keep from drinking. I did it, I didn't drink and the next morning I felt so relieved and happy that I didn't. The scary thing is how close I came to breaking, and how, at the time, my justifications and rationalizations seemed to make perfect sense to me. This is tough and this instance came out of no where, I let my guard down I suppose. But, another day sober, one day at a time.
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