MyShadow

This is my first time reaching out about really wanting to quit drinking. I am 41 and have been a drinker since I was 18. I have stopped before to get in shape in 03' for almost 2yrs. Then as recent as this past summer I made it 64 days after my wife and I got into it. Both of us drunk at the time. She rarely drinks, but I drink nightly 3 weeks out of 4 when I am not on call rotation at work. My 64 day sobriety ended when I found out she had spent about 5k on CC over the past year, mostly to please me. I started drinking again, but this time instead of beer I have been drinking scotch because I didnt want the beer cals, I was in shape again at 178lbs. Had a big binge Fri night and I felt Sat like I could die, drank the whole bottle until 6am. I can't do it anymore, dont want to. My wife and I are really great and put things together, been together 20yrs, DD in college, DS in high school. Its day 3 because I am on rotation now so it will be at least Monday before I could drink. I can feel the damage it has done to me psychologically and spiritually. Right now I have a lot of anxiety, I want this time to make it stick, my wife knows, and that's it, mainly because no one really know how much I drink. Always drink at home, many times alone do to our schedule. This is the first time I have admitted I am an alcoholic.

LBrain

welcome myshadow -- don't think of it as three days before you can drink again - NO NO NO!

think of it as the beginning of never having to drink again, no need to drink on Monday.

Coldfusion

Read around and post often! Most communities have AA and Al Anon meetings to help alcoholics and their families. I found meetings to be very helpful.

SoberLeigh

Welcome, MyShadow, to SR.

To follow LBrain's train of thought, think of sobriety as a gift; it will make seeking it an amazing venture.

Anna

Welcome!

I'm really glad you have decided to live a sober life.

Soberwolf

Welcome MyShadow youl find a ton of support

Glad you want to make it stick it starts with acceptance i cant drink safely or responsibly & plus alcoholism is progressive it only gets worse

Try to replace that thought of i wouldnt be able to drink for 3 days anyway with i dont drink anymore i want to be sober and im going to give sobriety my all

Having a sober plan really helps

firstymer

My situation was very similar to yours when I had my last drink, 17 months ago.

Finally admitting to myself, for the first time, that I was an alcoholic was like learning the combination to a padlock that unlocked the door to my future. I was, like, "OK, I get it now. I am an alcoholic. I can't drink like others can drink. My on/off switch doesn't work. So I have to quit. Now. For good. Or else I will die. Or my life will be ruined."

With that epiphany, the only thing left to do was to grind out the first several weeks of sobriety and wait for the urges to subside. And they did. Slowly, but surely.

If you read through the stories here of others that are like you, I think it will reinforce your decision to stop drinking. Really, it is the only decision that makes any sense.

Good luck. And welcome to SR. I am glad that you are here with us.

mns1

Hi MyShadow

I agree with these guys. You should change your thinking.

You seem to entertain the possibility of drinking in the near future. Entertain the thought of saying you don't need it, you never needed it, and never will!

More power to you.

Jsbodhi

Hi and welcome!
I just admitted I'm an alcoholic in nov, I often drank alone at home too.
I wish you success on your sobriety journey!

MyShadow

Progressive, that's my shadow. Grandfather was alcoholic, my dad has been sober since 85. For about the last month quitting has really haunted me. I am putting a plan together for next week to break the cycle when I get home. Now that I have made the decision, and the battle lines are drawn, the mental war is starting. I doubt I will attend any meetings right now, I live outside the city and don't head back to town much. Have no real friends we've all went about our lives in different directions. So its just my wife,I and the dogs. I am very self motivating, almost obsessive when learning something new, I read and research everything I can get about a subject, which has led me here.

MyShadow

Didnt mean for it to sound that way, its just a pattern that I have lived with close to 15yrs, drinking when off call, not drinking on call. I have never paid it that much mind until about the last 6 months.

brighterlife

Welcome myshadow I remember the day I realised I was an alcoholic. ..6 months previous I wasn't one either but I know now I can't go back. Good luck on your sobriety, your mental anguish needn't continue. Don't drink today. Tomorrow don't drink..post daily if you need to.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum MyShadow!!

Dee74

You'll find a ton of support here MyShadow - welcome

D

mns1

No worries MyShadow

The good thing about patterns is we can break out of them!

And we are here to offer you all the support and motivation you need to beat this!

Hevyn

It's great to meet you MyShadow. I drank for decades too - and coming to SR helped me find the courage to change my life. You're never alone, and you can do this.

MyShadow

Just taking it easy tonight, dont figure I'll be able to sleep much headache started about 3. I don't take any medication, prilosec sometimes. Just vitamins and proteins. I plan on Monday starting back on the heavy bag with some warm ups. Going to take it slow and work on an exercise routine, that's the easiest thing I can get into to start off. Then as my head clears I think Ill make a list of things I need to get done or do I've been putting off. Tonight I'm just watching some movies with the dogs, unless I have to go to work. Thanks for all the support and sorry I didnt even say Hello in the first post.

MyShadow

Day 4, have good energy and feel pretty well. Getting things done at work I would normally push off until tomorrow. Took some Valerian root last night to help me try and get some sleep. Haven't seen midnight sober in a long time.

JanieJ

Welcome myshadow, good to meet you

MyShadow

Moody today, Day 5. Sleep is hard to get into and then I don't want to get up. Blood pressure and pulse were normal last night, but I had anxiety bad along with the headaches. I could literally hear the blood rushing through mu ears and head. But I have a plan to stick to and I have been filling down time with a lot reading, and finding out I have a dopamine addiction as well. BTW, is this board Tapatalk compatible, its hard to post from my phone using the full site?