64 days sober, questions about AA
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I'm a single dad. Due to my parenting schedule I can only really make meetings every other week.
I am over a year sober and working the steps. I have a sponsor, read the big book and feeling very positive about the program and sobriety.
Early on, more meetings can be helpful - even essential to some. However there is no reason that we can't find a schedule that works for us.
More important than number and frequency of meetings, in my experience, is the commitment to sobriety and the actions we take. If we keep our head in sobriety here at SR, reading the book at home, working on steps, maybe exercising, going to counseling..... If we are focused on making progress every day, then we can succeed. I know a lot of folks in the program who don't do meetings daily. Some long-timers are there only once a month. It all comes down to our overall program of recovery. If you're far down the alcoholic road and AA is the only thing keeping you sober, as I have seen many times, then AA daily or even multiple times daily is a definite good idea. If you are managing to make progress and working a program with commitment, a few days a week can absolutely work.
I am over a year sober and working the steps. I have a sponsor, read the big book and feeling very positive about the program and sobriety.
Early on, more meetings can be helpful - even essential to some. However there is no reason that we can't find a schedule that works for us.
More important than number and frequency of meetings, in my experience, is the commitment to sobriety and the actions we take. If we keep our head in sobriety here at SR, reading the book at home, working on steps, maybe exercising, going to counseling..... If we are focused on making progress every day, then we can succeed. I know a lot of folks in the program who don't do meetings daily. Some long-timers are there only once a month. It all comes down to our overall program of recovery. If you're far down the alcoholic road and AA is the only thing keeping you sober, as I have seen many times, then AA daily or even multiple times daily is a definite good idea. If you are managing to make progress and working a program with commitment, a few days a week can absolutely work.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
A lot of the 'old timer' advice like 90/90 and 'meeting makers make it' seem to me to stem from the earlier days of AA when almost everyone who came into the program was the 'on death's door' hitting rock bottom type.
When we have progressed this far down the alcoholic pit, truly we need a lifeline and we need extreme measures to change our patterns.
In today's era it seems there is another generation of recovery. While still stigmatized and still serious.... People seem to come into recovery from 'higher lows' and at a wider variety of points in the addiction spectrum.
My impression is that when we are fortunate enough to open ourselves to recovery earlier in the journey, we also find we are more able to accept recovery and change than if we waited to descend further.
We all have to find what works for us
When we have progressed this far down the alcoholic pit, truly we need a lifeline and we need extreme measures to change our patterns.
In today's era it seems there is another generation of recovery. While still stigmatized and still serious.... People seem to come into recovery from 'higher lows' and at a wider variety of points in the addiction spectrum.
My impression is that when we are fortunate enough to open ourselves to recovery earlier in the journey, we also find we are more able to accept recovery and change than if we waited to descend further.
We all have to find what works for us
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
I had to stand my ground on this issue with my sponsor.
Get out a highlighter pen and read the chapter, "the family afterwards "
It's full of implorance to demonstrate the principles of the program in our homes.
Meetings are good but not the be all and end all for sobriety.
Too many AA members forget that, usually the ones who come in with no family left.
They can live in meetings with no consequences.
Not so good for us with family still around.
Taking the steps is the primary focus. Always.
Get started on those.
God's given you the faculties to deal with this, his power and grace.
Get out a highlighter pen and read the chapter, "the family afterwards "
It's full of implorance to demonstrate the principles of the program in our homes.
Meetings are good but not the be all and end all for sobriety.
Too many AA members forget that, usually the ones who come in with no family left.
They can live in meetings with no consequences.
Not so good for us with family still around.
Taking the steps is the primary focus. Always.
Get started on those.
God's given you the faculties to deal with this, his power and grace.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and congratulations.
First, I’m as old as dirt and have experienced close to 15,000 meetings since ‘78 and getting sober. That’s a lot of observation time because my circumstances gave me a lot of time for meetings and savor the fruits of sobriety by a good amount of travel and pursuing other interests.
Internet information can be a 2 sided sword in the same sentence which can result in serious damage if misconstrued.
There is an expression that “left to our own devices we will drink again.” Remember our own devices got us here and as seen are devastating to those still following them which result in relapsing which easily decreases the chance of LONG term sobriety.
The program is the 12 steps which is the work phase of getting sober by way of changing the drinking personality we came with.
My opinions work for many and someone elses may work for others.
I’m fortunate that the main meetings I go to have 5-8 folks with more than 30 years and the old AA basics are still working.
We continue to go and share our ESH to perhaps help another alcoholic and to remember when we were having the same problems a newcomer is having.
Because of the nature of this disease I and many look at the long range “fix” as compared to the quick fix which overall lets us down.
Recently a wonderful lady with 19 years relapsed and was having a difficult time getting sober spoke and had a great message for all to all in attendance. The bottom line was she slowed her meeting attendance and the old thinking process kicked in. it is a reminder that I need my awareness always focused on sobriety.
BE WELL
First, I’m as old as dirt and have experienced close to 15,000 meetings since ‘78 and getting sober. That’s a lot of observation time because my circumstances gave me a lot of time for meetings and savor the fruits of sobriety by a good amount of travel and pursuing other interests.
Internet information can be a 2 sided sword in the same sentence which can result in serious damage if misconstrued.
There is an expression that “left to our own devices we will drink again.” Remember our own devices got us here and as seen are devastating to those still following them which result in relapsing which easily decreases the chance of LONG term sobriety.
The program is the 12 steps which is the work phase of getting sober by way of changing the drinking personality we came with.
My opinions work for many and someone elses may work for others.
I’m fortunate that the main meetings I go to have 5-8 folks with more than 30 years and the old AA basics are still working.
We continue to go and share our ESH to perhaps help another alcoholic and to remember when we were having the same problems a newcomer is having.
Because of the nature of this disease I and many look at the long range “fix” as compared to the quick fix which overall lets us down.
Recently a wonderful lady with 19 years relapsed and was having a difficult time getting sober spoke and had a great message for all to all in attendance. The bottom line was she slowed her meeting attendance and the old thinking process kicked in. it is a reminder that I need my awareness always focused on sobriety.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 819
Congrats on 64 days! No where in AA literature does it say you have to do meetings daily. Unfortunately, some where along the line, AA meetings have adopted this 90 in 90 thing. It may help some but for some of us, it's a turn off to the program.
There are many ways to get and stay sober. If 3 AA meetings a week is what works for you, just do 3.
Take the good aspects of AA and do what works for you.
There are many ways to get and stay sober. If 3 AA meetings a week is what works for you, just do 3.
Take the good aspects of AA and do what works for you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: TX
Posts: 239
Hi tired28!!! I think you have to do what works for you. I felt very pressured at the meetings that I went to around my 30 days of sobriety and never went back. I have friends that go to AA, who have told me I will never make it without the meetings and fellowship. I know it works for a lot of people but sobriety is not "a one-size fits all" package. I am new at this too with 58 days, but I have no desire to drink. Here are the things that have worked for me.
1. Acknowledge that I am not a normal drinker and can never pick up even one drink again. ( this one took a while).
2. Have a trusted friend or family member to talk to when I am feeling low and down.
3. Making time for me and not feeling guilty about it.( This is still hard).
4. Changing your diet and not eating a bunch of junk, like I did the first 30 days.
5. Seeing a therapist.
6. Reward yourself every now and then. ( Some small things are chocolate, a nice coffee drink, a good meal, shopping. Big thing I did was a massage at 50 days... so relaxing!
7. Exercise, even when you don't feel like it! Nothing like getting those natural endorphins flowing and sleeping restful at night.
8. Read the Big Book, or any information out there about your disease and listen to other peoples stories.
9. Log in to SR for support.
10. Loads of sleep, I used to feel guilty about sleeping so much but I have read that it is our body telling us we need it and we are healing when we do sleep!
11. Be thankful to your higher power each day that you wake up sober.
1. Acknowledge that I am not a normal drinker and can never pick up even one drink again. ( this one took a while).
2. Have a trusted friend or family member to talk to when I am feeling low and down.
3. Making time for me and not feeling guilty about it.( This is still hard).
4. Changing your diet and not eating a bunch of junk, like I did the first 30 days.
5. Seeing a therapist.
6. Reward yourself every now and then. ( Some small things are chocolate, a nice coffee drink, a good meal, shopping. Big thing I did was a massage at 50 days... so relaxing!
7. Exercise, even when you don't feel like it! Nothing like getting those natural endorphins flowing and sleeping restful at night.
8. Read the Big Book, or any information out there about your disease and listen to other peoples stories.
9. Log in to SR for support.
10. Loads of sleep, I used to feel guilty about sleeping so much but I have read that it is our body telling us we need it and we are healing when we do sleep!
11. Be thankful to your higher power each day that you wake up sober.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by advbike 
The traditional AA program recommends 90 meetings in 90 days, which helps achieve the psychic shift that some people seem to need to remain sober.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
I believe when dealing with alcoholism that just reading the BB & other literature, attending meetings, and non participation manners help only a little. This particularly with newer sober people, lets say with less than a couple years sober.
Application is required for continued sobriety.
This alcohol has done serious damage to many peoples mental and emotional status, which most will deny. I often say this disease is not quickly recovered from. The proof is in the numbers of relapses along with the death rate among alcoholics which are in the million area per year. Not nice.
BE WELL
I believe when dealing with alcoholism that just reading the BB & other literature, attending meetings, and non participation manners help only a little. This particularly with newer sober people, lets say with less than a couple years sober.
Application is required for continued sobriety.
This alcohol has done serious damage to many peoples mental and emotional status, which most will deny. I often say this disease is not quickly recovered from. The proof is in the numbers of relapses along with the death rate among alcoholics which are in the million area per year. Not nice.
BE WELL
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