Letter to my wife
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Novi, MI
Posts: 6
Letter to my wife
Hello
I am writing to let you know my thoughts of the situation and what I want to do next. You said you need your space right now and I want to honor that. I have received advice from friends and family about the situation and have had some time to cool down and think about what I would like to do next. This is a letter about what I plan to do; not to ask you for anything, or place any sort of blame on you. I can only comment on myself, because that is only person I can change.
First, I would like to apologize again for hurting you. Nothing can excuse my words and actions. You are my wife and I treated you disrespectfully. I recognize and acknowledge my transgression. I also know this was not the first time and that alcohol has been a major factor and recurrent theme. I understand the gravity of the situation as I have lost my wife, my family, my home, and my pets. I have lost your trust and your love as it once was. I truly understand the cause and effect of my actions. I should not have commented on ‘having a beer with you dad’, as it implies that I am trying to ‘sweep this under the rug’, or down play the alcohol component. I am not.
I spoke to a friend about the situation and she provided me with some good insight. She had a strikingly similar situation. The major factor that broke their marriage was alcohol as well. It sounded like he did the same horrible things that I am doing. He was abusive when he was drinking. She said that he never really acknowledged he had a problem, and when he did he never followed through with his action plan for change. She also said that it changed her into a person she did not want to be and fueled the arguments and discord. A woman wants to feel protected, safe, cherished by her husband. When a woman hears those hurtful things, she remembers it. By removing that protection and safety, she is not the woman she wants to be to her husband. She wanted to feel safe and secure, her husband took that away. I want you to feel security, that I am a man that will protect you and Logan. When a woman feels safe, secure, respected, and loved in a relationship she will open up.
She said that if her husband had made a true attempt to change, and followed through with it, they would not have gotten a divorce. She gave him an ultimatum and would not allow alcohol back in their life, but he failed and did not make a strong enough attempt. I feel like their story gives us an opportunity that they did not have, for me to do that. They also tried marriage counseling which we have not done yet. She said that divorce was hell, and that things spiraled out of control, and recommended that we try to work through it. She said that in the final blow-up with her husband, she wanted the same thing you want now: space, time to cool off, and time to think about everything. I appreciate that. I want to come to the table when you are ready with a plan, a list, and a promise to work towards a happy relationship. I also want to follow through with this plan. My words can only go so far and need my actions need to prove my commitment to our family. I want to take active steps to change my behavior.
I have also spoken to my parents and Phil. I think there are many reasons to fight for this relationship. We said our vows, in good times and in bad times. This is a bad time. There are 2 ways to look back at our life so far. On one hand, we could say it was mostly bad and how foolish were we to have been tricked into this dreadful relationship. Or, we each saw something good, and in each bad circumstance, we kept on looking at the good things because we believed in each other. We are struggling right now. Phil said that he has a friend who has been without alcohol for 10 years. His friend did worse things, heinous things to his wife and family and was separated like us. But, he was able to stop drinking and now their family is stronger because of it. I want us to be a success story. That we struggled, but overcame during hard times.
In a way, I am glad that this dark secret is out in the open now. I am humbled by this situation and no longer want to fight with you or blame you. With everything I love gone, I can only recognize my own fault. I am glad this happened now, before our son will remember anything. He only gets one childhood, and it’s better I stop now than 10 years from now. I was exposed to this during my childhood, and I am only human. I am at my rock bottom, at my precipice of darkness. I realize what I need to do, and what I need to bring to the table. Our son means so much to me. I want him to have a happy family, a safe environment, and a healthy mom and dad. I want for him to feel loved and protected by both of us. I don’t want him to have separated parents and the confusion that goes along with that. I want him to look at us and see happy people and a loving relationship.
I am unhappy right now. I am not sure why I have so much anger. I don’t understand why I am having anger issues towards my family or at work. I don’t know why I keep compromising myself with alcohol when it clearly is having a negative effect in my life. I am planning on seeing a psychiatrist/psychologist for addiction. I will start with the psychiatrist I saw before when I get back from my trip and get settled in whatever new home I can find. I will make time for AA meetings in the evening or whatever the psychiatrist recommends. I also would like to make church a priority, Phil mentioned about joining a small group, like I used to do. Also, I want to see a marriage councilor, and start to work towards better communication, team work and being really happy with each other. Physicians have remarkable abstinence rates after completing an addiction/rehabilitation program compared with the general population. Abstinence rates are between 74% and 90%, similar to another professional group with higher than average success rates, airline pilots.
I want you to know a few things before I go away, in order to keep things in perspective. I know have said and done some hurtful things to you. But I hope you don’t replace all that you thought of me, and all that you loved with that person that was drinking. I hope you can separate those two people. When I was talking with Phil, I told him exactly what I said, and exactly what I did. He said “that was the person who was drinking”. When we originally argued, we were both upset and it spiraled out of control. You had given me chances to come back but I did not. I think it may have been positive, because now I am ready to change. However, now we have our parents involved, and their advice. Your mom does not want me in your life at all, and she has made that clear to me. I think right now she is protecting her daughter and I respect that. Maybe in 10 years, she will forgive me when she sees the changes and that I really am the sweet guy who loves her daughter. However, as this situation blows up, please remember that I am not like that 24/7. It is a shock for them to see we are not a fairy-tale couple. At baseline I am a reasonably rational person, and when I was forced to look at losing everything I became very upset. I hope that they can remember some of the good things. I think your mom needs to know and see that I am getting counseling and that home is a safe place for you and our son. I want that too. I think we need to make smart choices on how we move forward for the well-being and future of our relationship. I do not know if that relationship will be as divorced parents or if we can reconcile. Marriage counseling may be a safe environment to work that out. But, I think we need to start back at the beginning, and be compassionate towards each other. Possibly try to really start over again. Back to our first date. Even if we don’t work this out, I think counseling between us will be beneficial because we will both be in each others life as long as our son is around. At the very least, I want to have a peaceful relationship with you here on out.
Right now, the situation has spiraled out to this point. But things could be worse, and I don’t want it to go there. My friend said how messy and hurtful her situatio was. I don’t want to get lawyers, police, restraining orders, court orders, police escorts and so-on. Please remember that I am not a monster, and I am willing to work with you on things that you need. Keeping me out of the house because you need space is understandable and I want you to have that. However, keeping me out and continuing to keep me out because you think I am dangerous at-all-times would undermine progress. If we decide that I will not be living at the house, please know it is/was also my home. We need to agree on reasonable terms, and I hope without a lawyer. I want the goal and purpose of our choices here on out to be oriented to bring us to a good spot, whether as a couple or separated. I don’t want things to get nasty. At some point, I will need to come back to the house. I will to need to be able to see our son. I think that I should be able to come over (of course letting you know beforehand) to have dinner or see our son. And if we decide I will move out for long term into an apartment, I need to be able to move out of the house.
Ideally, we can decompress over the next two weeks and take a step back from the situation. Realistically, with all that has happened, I will not be drinking anytime soon. I hope you would believe that, and that I am not so destructive to the point where I would violate your trust during this vulnerable time. This is clearly the last chance for us. I know there is a tendency to worry to the worst case scenario, but realistically, I am generally safe with our son. I have made some poor choices, but I am also not a crack head with a meth lab. I am a young physician with an alcohol problem going through a tough residency and just had a baby who is 3 months old. Not to minimize anything, but remember that as we cool down. I worry about it because I think your mother wants to write me off all together, and I know you trust and value her opinions and advice. I can be a great dad and a great husband. And I don't want to miss out on Logan growing up or him missing me. I don't think that it would be that unreasonable for me to move back in, and live with you and Logan as I work through these issues. God knows the magnifying glass will be on us.
I also ask that you be sensitive with me. I admit that I am an alcoholic, a lot of people don't like me right now. I am going to embrace this and try to start a new life with my son. And I want to be open about it to your family, my family so that they can help keep me accountable. No more hiding things. So, as I put it all out on the table, I ask for your support.
I am writing to let you know my thoughts of the situation and what I want to do next. You said you need your space right now and I want to honor that. I have received advice from friends and family about the situation and have had some time to cool down and think about what I would like to do next. This is a letter about what I plan to do; not to ask you for anything, or place any sort of blame on you. I can only comment on myself, because that is only person I can change.
First, I would like to apologize again for hurting you. Nothing can excuse my words and actions. You are my wife and I treated you disrespectfully. I recognize and acknowledge my transgression. I also know this was not the first time and that alcohol has been a major factor and recurrent theme. I understand the gravity of the situation as I have lost my wife, my family, my home, and my pets. I have lost your trust and your love as it once was. I truly understand the cause and effect of my actions. I should not have commented on ‘having a beer with you dad’, as it implies that I am trying to ‘sweep this under the rug’, or down play the alcohol component. I am not.
I spoke to a friend about the situation and she provided me with some good insight. She had a strikingly similar situation. The major factor that broke their marriage was alcohol as well. It sounded like he did the same horrible things that I am doing. He was abusive when he was drinking. She said that he never really acknowledged he had a problem, and when he did he never followed through with his action plan for change. She also said that it changed her into a person she did not want to be and fueled the arguments and discord. A woman wants to feel protected, safe, cherished by her husband. When a woman hears those hurtful things, she remembers it. By removing that protection and safety, she is not the woman she wants to be to her husband. She wanted to feel safe and secure, her husband took that away. I want you to feel security, that I am a man that will protect you and Logan. When a woman feels safe, secure, respected, and loved in a relationship she will open up.
She said that if her husband had made a true attempt to change, and followed through with it, they would not have gotten a divorce. She gave him an ultimatum and would not allow alcohol back in their life, but he failed and did not make a strong enough attempt. I feel like their story gives us an opportunity that they did not have, for me to do that. They also tried marriage counseling which we have not done yet. She said that divorce was hell, and that things spiraled out of control, and recommended that we try to work through it. She said that in the final blow-up with her husband, she wanted the same thing you want now: space, time to cool off, and time to think about everything. I appreciate that. I want to come to the table when you are ready with a plan, a list, and a promise to work towards a happy relationship. I also want to follow through with this plan. My words can only go so far and need my actions need to prove my commitment to our family. I want to take active steps to change my behavior.
I have also spoken to my parents and Phil. I think there are many reasons to fight for this relationship. We said our vows, in good times and in bad times. This is a bad time. There are 2 ways to look back at our life so far. On one hand, we could say it was mostly bad and how foolish were we to have been tricked into this dreadful relationship. Or, we each saw something good, and in each bad circumstance, we kept on looking at the good things because we believed in each other. We are struggling right now. Phil said that he has a friend who has been without alcohol for 10 years. His friend did worse things, heinous things to his wife and family and was separated like us. But, he was able to stop drinking and now their family is stronger because of it. I want us to be a success story. That we struggled, but overcame during hard times.
In a way, I am glad that this dark secret is out in the open now. I am humbled by this situation and no longer want to fight with you or blame you. With everything I love gone, I can only recognize my own fault. I am glad this happened now, before our son will remember anything. He only gets one childhood, and it’s better I stop now than 10 years from now. I was exposed to this during my childhood, and I am only human. I am at my rock bottom, at my precipice of darkness. I realize what I need to do, and what I need to bring to the table. Our son means so much to me. I want him to have a happy family, a safe environment, and a healthy mom and dad. I want for him to feel loved and protected by both of us. I don’t want him to have separated parents and the confusion that goes along with that. I want him to look at us and see happy people and a loving relationship.
I am unhappy right now. I am not sure why I have so much anger. I don’t understand why I am having anger issues towards my family or at work. I don’t know why I keep compromising myself with alcohol when it clearly is having a negative effect in my life. I am planning on seeing a psychiatrist/psychologist for addiction. I will start with the psychiatrist I saw before when I get back from my trip and get settled in whatever new home I can find. I will make time for AA meetings in the evening or whatever the psychiatrist recommends. I also would like to make church a priority, Phil mentioned about joining a small group, like I used to do. Also, I want to see a marriage councilor, and start to work towards better communication, team work and being really happy with each other. Physicians have remarkable abstinence rates after completing an addiction/rehabilitation program compared with the general population. Abstinence rates are between 74% and 90%, similar to another professional group with higher than average success rates, airline pilots.
I want you to know a few things before I go away, in order to keep things in perspective. I know have said and done some hurtful things to you. But I hope you don’t replace all that you thought of me, and all that you loved with that person that was drinking. I hope you can separate those two people. When I was talking with Phil, I told him exactly what I said, and exactly what I did. He said “that was the person who was drinking”. When we originally argued, we were both upset and it spiraled out of control. You had given me chances to come back but I did not. I think it may have been positive, because now I am ready to change. However, now we have our parents involved, and their advice. Your mom does not want me in your life at all, and she has made that clear to me. I think right now she is protecting her daughter and I respect that. Maybe in 10 years, she will forgive me when she sees the changes and that I really am the sweet guy who loves her daughter. However, as this situation blows up, please remember that I am not like that 24/7. It is a shock for them to see we are not a fairy-tale couple. At baseline I am a reasonably rational person, and when I was forced to look at losing everything I became very upset. I hope that they can remember some of the good things. I think your mom needs to know and see that I am getting counseling and that home is a safe place for you and our son. I want that too. I think we need to make smart choices on how we move forward for the well-being and future of our relationship. I do not know if that relationship will be as divorced parents or if we can reconcile. Marriage counseling may be a safe environment to work that out. But, I think we need to start back at the beginning, and be compassionate towards each other. Possibly try to really start over again. Back to our first date. Even if we don’t work this out, I think counseling between us will be beneficial because we will both be in each others life as long as our son is around. At the very least, I want to have a peaceful relationship with you here on out.
Right now, the situation has spiraled out to this point. But things could be worse, and I don’t want it to go there. My friend said how messy and hurtful her situatio was. I don’t want to get lawyers, police, restraining orders, court orders, police escorts and so-on. Please remember that I am not a monster, and I am willing to work with you on things that you need. Keeping me out of the house because you need space is understandable and I want you to have that. However, keeping me out and continuing to keep me out because you think I am dangerous at-all-times would undermine progress. If we decide that I will not be living at the house, please know it is/was also my home. We need to agree on reasonable terms, and I hope without a lawyer. I want the goal and purpose of our choices here on out to be oriented to bring us to a good spot, whether as a couple or separated. I don’t want things to get nasty. At some point, I will need to come back to the house. I will to need to be able to see our son. I think that I should be able to come over (of course letting you know beforehand) to have dinner or see our son. And if we decide I will move out for long term into an apartment, I need to be able to move out of the house.
Ideally, we can decompress over the next two weeks and take a step back from the situation. Realistically, with all that has happened, I will not be drinking anytime soon. I hope you would believe that, and that I am not so destructive to the point where I would violate your trust during this vulnerable time. This is clearly the last chance for us. I know there is a tendency to worry to the worst case scenario, but realistically, I am generally safe with our son. I have made some poor choices, but I am also not a crack head with a meth lab. I am a young physician with an alcohol problem going through a tough residency and just had a baby who is 3 months old. Not to minimize anything, but remember that as we cool down. I worry about it because I think your mother wants to write me off all together, and I know you trust and value her opinions and advice. I can be a great dad and a great husband. And I don't want to miss out on Logan growing up or him missing me. I don't think that it would be that unreasonable for me to move back in, and live with you and Logan as I work through these issues. God knows the magnifying glass will be on us.
I also ask that you be sensitive with me. I admit that I am an alcoholic, a lot of people don't like me right now. I am going to embrace this and try to start a new life with my son. And I want to be open about it to your family, my family so that they can help keep me accountable. No more hiding things. So, as I put it all out on the table, I ask for your support.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Are you early in sobriety?
What are you doing to stay stopped? How many meetings have you attended since you stopped?
I'd put this away and not send it to her now. Just my perspective from a wife who was there at one point in my life.
What are you doing to stay stopped? How many meetings have you attended since you stopped?
I'd put this away and not send it to her now. Just my perspective from a wife who was there at one point in my life.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,336
Heartfelt and sad. Alcohol take so much from us.
I would add that you'll never drink again...as opposed to it won't be "anytime soon." I think till we truly accept that alcohol has no place in our lives and we commit to never drinking, we are just fooling ourselves, and our loved ones know it.
I would add that you'll never drink again...as opposed to it won't be "anytime soon." I think till we truly accept that alcohol has no place in our lives and we commit to never drinking, we are just fooling ourselves, and our loved ones know it.
Sober Soldier
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,911
I can only comment on myself, because that is only person I can change.
Sounds like a tough situation. Do what you need to do and know that this website is here if you need a little extra support.
Hang in there!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,517
Honestly, I think you are focusing too much on what you want and how you want things to be.
When I stopped drinking, I tried to do anything and everything to suit my family. It was my turn to not be thinking of myself, but to put their needs first.
I think you should be asking your wife what she wants from you, what can you do to make things better in any way, and not telling her what you want.
As I said, this is just my opinion.
When I stopped drinking, I tried to do anything and everything to suit my family. It was my turn to not be thinking of myself, but to put their needs first.
I think you should be asking your wife what she wants from you, what can you do to make things better in any way, and not telling her what you want.
As I said, this is just my opinion.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hi DrDave,
I'm so glad you have decided to pursue sobriety. I hope you will give that fight everything you have without reservation!
I am approaching this from the "other side" of this equation--the Friends and Family side. I hope you will consider NOT leaving that long letter for your wife, and here is why I say this. Your wife is angry, and she has, by your own admission, put up with a lot from you. She has a right to be angry. She has a right to decide what she wants to do. Right now, more than anything, she deserves some peace.
I hope, after all that you both have been through, that you can give her that space and time she needs without being pressured to make the decision YOU want her to make. She deserves the dignity to make her own decision. She deserves your respect and the time and peace to make decisions about what she wants to do.
You deserve to pour your whole heart and soul into your recovery. You are worth living a sober, peaceful, and joyous life!
I'm so glad you have decided to pursue sobriety. I hope you will give that fight everything you have without reservation!
I am approaching this from the "other side" of this equation--the Friends and Family side. I hope you will consider NOT leaving that long letter for your wife, and here is why I say this. Your wife is angry, and she has, by your own admission, put up with a lot from you. She has a right to be angry. She has a right to decide what she wants to do. Right now, more than anything, she deserves some peace.
I hope, after all that you both have been through, that you can give her that space and time she needs without being pressured to make the decision YOU want her to make. She deserves the dignity to make her own decision. She deserves your respect and the time and peace to make decisions about what she wants to do.
You deserve to pour your whole heart and soul into your recovery. You are worth living a sober, peaceful, and joyous life!
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
I know I created a lot of wreckage. For me, words - promises had become pointless as it had all be stated before.
My actions and behaviors no longer mimicked my values and beliefs. I had to change that.
Slowly, hope turned to trust and new light is being flamed.
It simple took time and visible change.
Wish you and your wife the best in life's journey.
Change is possible!
Kind regards
My actions and behaviors no longer mimicked my values and beliefs. I had to change that.
Slowly, hope turned to trust and new light is being flamed.
It simple took time and visible change.
Wish you and your wife the best in life's journey.
Change is possible!
Kind regards
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Welcome
What will make the most difference is not what you say it will be what you do. The loved ones in my life believed almost nothing I said. It was when they saw me working a program of recovery and most importantly that I was sober that they started to let me back into their lives.
My sponsor taught me this line in early sobriety, "Alcoholics view themselves through the eyes of their intentions. The world views them through the eyes of their actions."
Your plan sounds like a solid one now it is time to execute it.
What will make the most difference is not what you say it will be what you do. The loved ones in my life believed almost nothing I said. It was when they saw me working a program of recovery and most importantly that I was sober that they started to let me back into their lives.
My sponsor taught me this line in early sobriety, "Alcoholics view themselves through the eyes of their intentions. The world views them through the eyes of their actions."
Your plan sounds like a solid one now it is time to execute it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Chattanooga TN
Posts: 596
Actions not words my friend. That letter will do nothing for you in my opinion.
I don't truly understand your situation, but if she is angry with you, the last thing she will do is read a long letter like that, that you "left" for her while you are out of town probably drinking(in her mind)
just my thoughts brother, best of luck and keep posting.
I don't truly understand your situation, but if she is angry with you, the last thing she will do is read a long letter like that, that you "left" for her while you are out of town probably drinking(in her mind)
just my thoughts brother, best of luck and keep posting.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Novi, MI
Posts: 6
Originally Posted by Anna 
Honestly, I think you are focusing too much on what you want and how you want things to be.
When I stopped drinking, I tried to do anything and everything to suit my family. It was my turn to not be thinking of myself, but to put their needs first.
I think you should be asking your wife what she wants from you, what can you do to make things better in any way, and not telling her what you want.
As I said, this is just my opinion.
When I stopped drinking, I tried to do anything and everything to suit my family. It was my turn to not be thinking of myself, but to put their needs first.
I think you should be asking your wife what she wants from you, what can you do to make things better in any way, and not telling her what you want.
As I said, this is just my opinion.
So when I say it is what I want. I am trying to say what I want in myself. Not what I want her to do or want her to change. She has been a different person and not very fun to be around recently. Very critical of me before I went back to drinking.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,517
Your wife may have been critical of you during your 3 months of sobriety because she didn't trust you and was afraid. You have a brand new baby and that's a big change in a family. Your wife likely has a lot of concerns and is worried.
We have to understand that when we stop drinking, it doesn't automatically fix everything. Often we have to be very patient and work hard on showing with actions that we are changing.
We have to understand that when we stop drinking, it doesn't automatically fix everything. Often we have to be very patient and work hard on showing with actions that we are changing.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Hi Dave.
I have some experience in writing the kinds of letters that you've written. I wrote one fairly recently, in fact and, for better or worse, mailed it.
My thinking now tells me that the best letters I ever wrote were the ones I never sent or delivered. I think they don't help at all, and that they have more potential for provoking anger, or worse, pity, than they do for mending fences or melting emotional frigidity of my own creation. My words were experienced as hurtful or deceitful by my ex...when I wasn't holding them in reserve in order to protect my drinking life, and they weren't met with a warm welcome when I was newly sober.
Things haven't worked out for us the way I would have liked, but no words, no amount of contriteness on my part would have made a difference.
I'm with sugarbear on this one. Put your letter away. Save it for a time when things are genuinely better between the two of you. If that time arrives, it will no longer seem so important to you that your wife reads it.
I have some experience in writing the kinds of letters that you've written. I wrote one fairly recently, in fact and, for better or worse, mailed it.
My thinking now tells me that the best letters I ever wrote were the ones I never sent or delivered. I think they don't help at all, and that they have more potential for provoking anger, or worse, pity, than they do for mending fences or melting emotional frigidity of my own creation. My words were experienced as hurtful or deceitful by my ex...when I wasn't holding them in reserve in order to protect my drinking life, and they weren't met with a warm welcome when I was newly sober.
Things haven't worked out for us the way I would have liked, but no words, no amount of contriteness on my part would have made a difference.
I'm with sugarbear on this one. Put your letter away. Save it for a time when things are genuinely better between the two of you. If that time arrives, it will no longer seem so important to you that your wife reads it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Novi, MI
Posts: 6
This is all great advice. Honestly, I did not see it this way. But I understand she is angry. And deserves space and not me telling her my intentions. I'm really surprised because I was not focused on me either, that I am important to take care if too. I just feel so horrible that I have been abusing myself living out of my car. But you are right. I need to focus on my sobriety and becoming. Whole person before getting back into a relationship. I can't provide healing if I myself am not healed. Also I like the quote about intention vs action. I am pretty ashamed of everything too.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 32
DrDave,
First; thank you for your heartfelt confession and admission. I know that is not easy and I will not judge you nor tell you anything you haven't heard yet
My wife was (is) still very skeptical of my sobriety. I was at a point where my explanations and promises were just hot air. I wanted to get angry and argue, I wanted her to convert and change her thoughts and reactions immediately.
If you can tell her anything, it would be that you're not going to drink today. Period. Hold yourself accountable, be truthful and patient in your recovery. Don't argue, don't rush to get her understanding. Don't drink today, and when you wake up tomorrow, take a deep breath, look yourself in the mirror, and tell yourself I won't drink today. Build up your confidence and patience, and work hard, bury yourself into your professional obligations and take care of your mind and body
Don't drink tomorrow, and don't worry about proving anything just yet. I truly know the guilt and fear of feeling defeated. Continue to work towards the man, father and husband you want to be a day at a time
A day at a time my man, that is all you can promise right now
First; thank you for your heartfelt confession and admission. I know that is not easy and I will not judge you nor tell you anything you haven't heard yet
My wife was (is) still very skeptical of my sobriety. I was at a point where my explanations and promises were just hot air. I wanted to get angry and argue, I wanted her to convert and change her thoughts and reactions immediately.
If you can tell her anything, it would be that you're not going to drink today. Period. Hold yourself accountable, be truthful and patient in your recovery. Don't argue, don't rush to get her understanding. Don't drink today, and when you wake up tomorrow, take a deep breath, look yourself in the mirror, and tell yourself I won't drink today. Build up your confidence and patience, and work hard, bury yourself into your professional obligations and take care of your mind and body
Don't drink tomorrow, and don't worry about proving anything just yet. I truly know the guilt and fear of feeling defeated. Continue to work towards the man, father and husband you want to be a day at a time
A day at a time my man, that is all you can promise right now
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 106
Originally Posted by DrDave
She has been a different person and not very fun to be around recently. Very critical of me before I went back to drinking.
--------------------------------------------------- "Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a day without any new mistakes in it yet?" Anne of Green Gables.-
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