How did I become my father?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 424
How did I become my father?
I am 19 days sober. Taking vitamins and feeling much better. Clear headed, energetic, and grateful.
I was thinking today, about my past. My father was an alcoholic. He was never home, always at the bar, always drunk, a cheater and sometimes physically/mentally abusive to my mom and us kids.
He went to school and graduated as an English major -- so did I.
He married the love of his life, and then his drinking and abusiveness lost him the love of his life and his family. I found the love of my life at 25. I was such a drunk, and verbally abusive, and I too lost the love of my life. It took me YEARS to move on.
He was a cheater. I was a cheater. I liked to call it self-sabatoge. I didn't feel like I deserved to be in caring and loving relationships -- so I had to find a way to be hated and another reason to keep drinking.
He sits alone in his home, and drinks his days away, sad and lonely. I too was sitting alone, and drinking my days away, sad and lonely (even though I have a husband and 2 kids in my house).
19 days in, I am realizing more then ever, that the man I wanted to be nothing like -- was who I had become.
By choosing sobriety, I have ended the cycle., The sick subconscious cycle of reliving the mistakes of my father in my own life!
I am enjoying each day, as it is an exploration of myself. And slowly, peeling back the layers to find me. So far, this is the best gift I could have ever given to myself.
Thanks for letting me share.
I was thinking today, about my past. My father was an alcoholic. He was never home, always at the bar, always drunk, a cheater and sometimes physically/mentally abusive to my mom and us kids.
He went to school and graduated as an English major -- so did I.
He married the love of his life, and then his drinking and abusiveness lost him the love of his life and his family. I found the love of my life at 25. I was such a drunk, and verbally abusive, and I too lost the love of my life. It took me YEARS to move on.
He was a cheater. I was a cheater. I liked to call it self-sabatoge. I didn't feel like I deserved to be in caring and loving relationships -- so I had to find a way to be hated and another reason to keep drinking.
He sits alone in his home, and drinks his days away, sad and lonely. I too was sitting alone, and drinking my days away, sad and lonely (even though I have a husband and 2 kids in my house).
19 days in, I am realizing more then ever, that the man I wanted to be nothing like -- was who I had become.
By choosing sobriety, I have ended the cycle., The sick subconscious cycle of reliving the mistakes of my father in my own life!
I am enjoying each day, as it is an exploration of myself. And slowly, peeling back the layers to find me. So far, this is the best gift I could have ever given to myself.
Thanks for letting me share.
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
Suzieq17, the first way we learn is by imitating our dominate caregivers, it's practically impossible not too. My father was a drunk and so am I. I'm working on changing my core negative behaviors, but it is slow going. 19 days sober is just FANTASTIC, rootin for ya. 
Recovered
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,129
The flip side in my case was that although I became my dad (a cheating, absent alcoholic), my dad got sober 33 years ago and is an amazing dad and human being now. I also got sober and became the woman I always wished I were and wanted to be.
Glad you are here.
Glad you are here.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Parkman OH
Posts: 114
Good post for me, I realized while still drinking I had become my father. I can remember standing in front of the mirror in my bathroom wondering how it was I had become the one person I rebelled against so hard for so many years.
Putting thought into it it is amazing how much alike we were especially towards the end of my drinking. Right down to the pulling away from family and friends which I hated him for so many years ago. I think that no matter how much we don't want to be like those that raised us, being alcoholic it is what we know so it takes over. I know for myself I started drinking really young, and how I reacted through the years since are based on an emotional point from back then. I saw and learned actions and responses from my father and because I started drinking those are the things I knew and was taught by watching. I never gave myself a chance to really learn a different way. So that is what I became.
Putting thought into it it is amazing how much alike we were especially towards the end of my drinking. Right down to the pulling away from family and friends which I hated him for so many years ago. I think that no matter how much we don't want to be like those that raised us, being alcoholic it is what we know so it takes over. I know for myself I started drinking really young, and how I reacted through the years since are based on an emotional point from back then. I saw and learned actions and responses from my father and because I started drinking those are the things I knew and was taught by watching. I never gave myself a chance to really learn a different way. So that is what I became.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
I know the feeling Suzie, I spent a long time trying not to be my dad, but the same thing happened, I woke up one day with a drinking problem thinking this was everything I didn't want to happen.
The main thing is you're taking steps to turn things around, we are in control of our own story and lives.
The main thing is you're taking steps to turn things around, we are in control of our own story and lives.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 251
My father was a drinker and so was I he started when he started working so did I same place same job. He was a wonderful father did everything you would expect him to do never was mean never drove drunk he just had a beer in his hand from after dinner to bed. I was on that path. He quit at age 60. I thank god I quit now. That's 31 more years for me.
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