Chillly

Hi Ya'll

Haven't been around in a while..
I've been doing intensive outpatient program for mental health and addiction for a few weeks now (3 days a week for 3 hours a day}. I've been seeing my therapist and a case worker and everything is kinda looking up. Got a diagnosis of Bipolar and am on new meds to treat the mood disorder.

Went to a healthy relationship, group therapy session this morning at my health center. The therapist asked if we had ever been in an unhealthy relationship and my hand shot up with a big yes. I had been in an emotionally, mentally, and verbally abusive relationship for four years. That relationship ended 5 years ago when she left me for her best friend's husband (Who was also a manager at her work.) We then went on to other topics.

On the way out of the meeting, as I was walking through the parking lot, I ran into her. My ex. She was entering a different mental health building on the same campus.

We recognized each other and our eyes locked from 6 feet away. I immediately averted my gaze and continued to walk past... the end

Now I've checked her facebook page and find that she's still with the guy she left me for. I saw a picture of him holding my ex's daughter and they were both smiling.... That's the same daughter that I held and raised for 4 years!

53 Days sober here... I want to go to the bar really badly right now. I know there'll be beer and women at the bar....... I want to get drunk really badly.. and I want to go get female attention.

Dee74

breathe Chilly. Drinking won't make any of this better and will leave you feeling so much worse tomorrow.

It was an unhealthy relationship. You should be glad to be out of it.

There is a fine life out there waiting for you - continue getting yourself ready for it

Eyes on the prize


D

SoberD

I don't do Facebook and never will but I would guess that "checking up" on exes is probably not the best thing if you are feeling down, lonely, etc. Also, female attention from drunk women at bars is a far cry from actually feeling and knowing that somebody cares about you. I too, have done a lot of this, and over time, getting attention from drunks at bars/clubs just left me feeling more and more like there aren't that many good ones out there, which is clearly untrue...

Chillly

Another messed up part is that for the last year of my relationship with my ex, I was sober.. She would go out drinking with the guy she left me for because I didn't drink and he was her best friend's husband...
She then broke up their marriage, left me, and moved in with him one month after ending our 4 year relationship.. He now raises her daughter... Who I raised as my own.

Soberwolf

Hi Chilly well done on 53 days sober dont throw that away

Like D said theres a good life out there waiting for you stay focused on being ready to live it

Sobriety will bring that to you

lean on us for support 24/7 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

LBrain

I'm glad I didn't open this and see - With a dump truck...

Hang in there Chilly, she did you a favor. Some day you realize it. I'm sorry you are going through this and about your child. One thing is certain, drinking will do nothing but make how you feel worse.

SoberD

Doesn't really sound like a keeper to me Chilly...but yes, I get why it could be painful and sorry you are feeling it. Nevertheless, I still think that hanging out with the sloshers at the bars will just make you feel more alienated, not to mention ruining your great sober streak and feeling like arse tomorrow. Stay strong - the feelings will pass.

least

Don't drink, please. Drinking will only make you feel worse.

Bailey3

Stay sober and get your life back together Chilly. There's someone better waiting for you out there.

ANewDayNYC

Fight the temptation to check the social media. If you can block the profile, that would be ideal. She obviously has issues and you are better off without her.

freshstart57

To me, if you drink, you won't be throwing away your 53 days of sobriety. You will be throwing away your future. It seems to be that you have a good one waiting for you and you are getting it back on the rails.

By the sounds of it, you are better off without her. You will be so much happier with someone who loves YOU, and not someone looking for a drinking **** buddy. I think maybe you just dodged a bullet.

Don't look back, Chilly - your future is bright and it is right in front of you. Onward!

Tonks

Damn that's rough Chilly, i feel you man. Just remember there's healthier ways to deal with this now.

You came here and talked to us about it, that's a huge good step right there. Good on you.

Instead of the bar, why not hit the weights? That's my outlet. Or go for a run. Channel that anxious energy in a healthy way that will benefit you and your sobriety.

And keep talking to us.

Anna

Chilly, I'm sorry that you're feeling bad about this.

Logically you know the relationship with your ex was abusive and bad for you. The right person will come along at the right time.

Stay away from Facebook.

Verte

Hey Chilly,

Fight through the present emotions and that free feeling once the dust has settled is true, real and ridiculously rewarding. One step closer to letting that whole mess go. Drink and the mess stays with you indefinitely. Don't drink.

Congrats on IOP and psych support. This is great.

Conquest

So sorry Chilly. It sounds like you're on the right track so don't let this derail you! Unplug. Go for a walk. Grab a snack. Scream in a closet. Anything!

Sasha4

Don't do it Chilly.

You won't walk away with a nice, new relationship from a bar when you have gone to get to get drunk and flirt.
You will wake up feeling worse than you do now if you drink.

You bumped into her.
You survived it.
Thats all.
Don't make it any bigger deal than that.
Facebook is not the truth.
Its a misrepresentation of peoples lives i many cases.
They only ever post the good bits.

Go to bed, go for a walk, just don't go drink.

I wish you the best xx

Lorax1981

Hey chilly, hang in there buddy. Don't drink over it. I've been there bud. Something like that will always hurt a little but you keep improving like you are and you'll be fine.
-Ted

SoberLeigh

What Dee said, Chilly.

Drinking (and most likely anyone you find in the bar) will prove shallow and unfulfilling.

Della1968

Don't drink....look at it this way I bet neither one of them trusts the other. Making the best of your life is the best revenge and being sober wil accomplish that. I do know the feelings you are having my fiance left and within 3 weeks was living with someone else. We are much better off without them.

mistory5

Don't do it! Drinking at others hurts u not them. Not only that just think you probably were not thinking about her until it came up in group , you see her then to add icing to the cake u seek her out on fakebook! Try to get your mind back to the mindset of working on your sobriety and mental health so that one day you can have a sucessful relationship with the right one. Also stop thinking about what u did for her kid, hopefully u did it because you were a good person not for some kind of lifetime reward from her mom.
That situation is the past let it stay there. Feel the feelings for a bit and if u must find something to distract u from the bad feelings find something positive to do. The AV is seriously trying to use the ex did me wrong bit to get you sipping on the yak again, messing your good game plan all up! See it for the enemy it is and it doesn't fight fair. But u need to claim victory by making the right choice not to drink. You can do it!