Sometimes I find this site depressing ...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Cecilia: Listen to the folks who help you best. Maybe I can't help much because I've got 26 years of sobriety now and looking at that from your perspective, you may think you'll never get there. Yet I had forty years of trying to do it myself with the help of counseling and relapsing periodically. It finally got so bad that I went to a rehab for a month and then joined AA. I didn't agree with everything in AA but profited much by it. I learned that I couldn't do it alone. Some folks can but I couldn't. One way or another, I'm convinced that if you're an alcoholic it gets worse and worse until it gets so bad that you have to do something to turn it around.That's what happened to me and now I'm happier than ever before, not completely happy but able to cope with stuff that I simply could not have coped with before. Two heart operations, troublesome things happening in the family, my wife with possible cancer issues, both of us aging (I'm 87), hearing loss, high blood pressure, my wife's recent fall. I can cope with all this- there is no other alternative- and honestly I never think of drinking. It just doesn't occur to me.
I hope you get some help on this site. Try to use it selectively; see if you can spot folks who have maybe two or three years of sobriety and have built up some self confidence. Also ask this simple question, perhaps of all those on the site who care to answer:
Have you received help here? Do you believe that you are on a solid road to recovery? Do you believe that in the future you will have less and less risk of a relapse? How do you rate your hopes on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the best?
Good luck.
W.
I hope you get some help on this site. Try to use it selectively; see if you can spot folks who have maybe two or three years of sobriety and have built up some self confidence. Also ask this simple question, perhaps of all those on the site who care to answer:
Have you received help here? Do you believe that you are on a solid road to recovery? Do you believe that in the future you will have less and less risk of a relapse? How do you rate your hopes on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the best?
Good luck.
W.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
Remember, a lot of people with alcohol problems come through this forum everyday. It's like if you hung out in the emergency room at your local hospital, you would see a long chain of people with serious injuries and ailments.
I drank on and off for a year or two when I first came to SR. It took awhile to stick because it was a long and hard transition, and I assume it's like that (or worse) for a lot of newcomers, so seeing people try and fail doesn't bother me, that's kind of what I expect to see. Progress is success, even if progress is broken up by occasional failure. Relapsing for a total of six weeks per year would be a lot of relapse, but that still leaves forty-six weeks out of fifty-two where you're not drinking -- that's a lot of success there.
What sometimes turns me off is the people who talk a lot about quitting but seeming don't put in the work or seem to "get it", but those people have their own path to walk and maybe they just need to work through that stuff, so shrug, whatever floats the boat, but I do put those people on the ignore list because otherwise I'm here shouting at my monitor like a crazy person and prone to make unhelpful snarky retorts that are better kept to myself.
Except for a brief couple-day foray into drinking to see if it would be different this time (it wasn't), I've been off booze for eighteen months. It's not all doom 'n gloom, hey?
I drank on and off for a year or two when I first came to SR. It took awhile to stick because it was a long and hard transition, and I assume it's like that (or worse) for a lot of newcomers, so seeing people try and fail doesn't bother me, that's kind of what I expect to see. Progress is success, even if progress is broken up by occasional failure. Relapsing for a total of six weeks per year would be a lot of relapse, but that still leaves forty-six weeks out of fifty-two where you're not drinking -- that's a lot of success there.
What sometimes turns me off is the people who talk a lot about quitting but seeming don't put in the work or seem to "get it", but those people have their own path to walk and maybe they just need to work through that stuff, so shrug, whatever floats the boat, but I do put those people on the ignore list because otherwise I'm here shouting at my monitor like a crazy person and prone to make unhelpful snarky retorts that are better kept to myself.
Except for a brief couple-day foray into drinking to see if it would be different this time (it wasn't), I've been off booze for eighteen months. It's not all doom 'n gloom, hey?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 443
Cecilia, make sure you check out the different forums beyond Newcomers. I have learned a great deal about addiction, honesty, hope, and recovery in the Alcoholism, Secular Connections, and Friends and Family forums in particular, among others...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
I found this site depressing when I was still drinking or trying to stop, knowing that I would drink again.
I don't find it depressing anymore now that I don't drink anymore. I find it really helpful to check in here everyday.
The stories of people who drank like I did and are sober now showed me that it was possible.
I don't find it depressing anymore now that I don't drink anymore. I find it really helpful to check in here everyday.
The stories of people who drank like I did and are sober now showed me that it was possible.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
Nonchalant remarks about relapses sometimes irk me. I really liked somebody's comment though to keep it in perspective in that there are a lot of very new newbies coming through this site daily, it's like being in the waiting room of the ER. 
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Originally Posted by MelindaFlowers 
I found this site depressing when I was still drinking or trying to stop, knowing that I would drink again.
I don't find it depressing anymore now that I don't drink anymore. I find it really helpful to check in here everyday.
The stories of people who drank like I did and are sober now showed me that it was possible.
I don't find it depressing anymore now that I don't drink anymore. I find it really helpful to check in here everyday.
The stories of people who drank like I did and are sober now showed me that it was possible.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 342
I just completed my 3rd straight xmas sober, thanks only to this site. You can't imagine how great it feels to me to type that sentence.
It hasn't always been easy. But seriously if I can do it then anyone can. I was a hard drinking typical Aussie alpha male, raised on beer. I have given up not just drinking but a whole way of life and many friends.
Why ? because the physical and mental torment and the drowning of the real me was killing me inside and I'd have lost that life anyway.
Relapse stories sure hurt but they also strengthen resolve. I see the truth in that much more clearly now than I ever could before.
It hasn't always been easy. But seriously if I can do it then anyone can. I was a hard drinking typical Aussie alpha male, raised on beer. I have given up not just drinking but a whole way of life and many friends.
Why ? because the physical and mental torment and the drowning of the real me was killing me inside and I'd have lost that life anyway.
Relapse stories sure hurt but they also strengthen resolve. I see the truth in that much more clearly now than I ever could before.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
I didn't read all the replies - so forgive me. But I caught notmyrealname - about sitting in the emergency room...
Might I suggest you go to the daily support threads. Look at the ones with the older dates. You'll find people still posting that have been sober for some time. Not always talking about how depressing life is or how tough it is without alcohol. Rather groups of people have formed a bond within their groups and share their triumphs and day to day living and how wonderful things are. These groups of people are inspirational and supportive of one another. There are very many posting who are not struggling to stay sober. Many folks are sharing their joys of life. Go to the "1 year and over" group and read through it for starters.
Reading the newcomers forum is what you get - newcomers. People new to sobriety and those who are having a difficult time. Their mindset naturally is not all rosy. Besides the fact that they are having a difficult time with overcoming their struggle with alcohol, they have not yet even begun to address the other demons in their lives. Whether it is depression or angst about how they lived and the damage they have caused. All of these things are very fresh in their minds. This is what they are going to talk about.
Given some time you begin to see their attitudes change. They begin to talk about progress and how they are feeling better, looking forward to better things and leaving the past behind.
As was said, going to the trauma section of a hospital all you will see is trauma. Same principal applies to recovery forums. See that man who thought he would never walk again now running 10K races. That is what it's all about. Look further than the front door.
When I felt I was heading toward having a drink, I read in the newcomers section to remind myself why I don't - can't - ever want to drink again.
When I feel I am stagnating and just coasting along with no meaning, I read through the "old timers" sections and see that many have returned to happy productive lives. Some blossom early, some take a little more time. But the fact that so many have turned their lives around is an inspiration to me. I cannot lose sight of that - it's there if I want it. But I have to also work for it.
Might I suggest you go to the daily support threads. Look at the ones with the older dates. You'll find people still posting that have been sober for some time. Not always talking about how depressing life is or how tough it is without alcohol. Rather groups of people have formed a bond within their groups and share their triumphs and day to day living and how wonderful things are. These groups of people are inspirational and supportive of one another. There are very many posting who are not struggling to stay sober. Many folks are sharing their joys of life. Go to the "1 year and over" group and read through it for starters.
Reading the newcomers forum is what you get - newcomers. People new to sobriety and those who are having a difficult time. Their mindset naturally is not all rosy. Besides the fact that they are having a difficult time with overcoming their struggle with alcohol, they have not yet even begun to address the other demons in their lives. Whether it is depression or angst about how they lived and the damage they have caused. All of these things are very fresh in their minds. This is what they are going to talk about.
Given some time you begin to see their attitudes change. They begin to talk about progress and how they are feeling better, looking forward to better things and leaving the past behind.
As was said, going to the trauma section of a hospital all you will see is trauma. Same principal applies to recovery forums. See that man who thought he would never walk again now running 10K races. That is what it's all about. Look further than the front door.
When I felt I was heading toward having a drink, I read in the newcomers section to remind myself why I don't - can't - ever want to drink again.
When I feel I am stagnating and just coasting along with no meaning, I read through the "old timers" sections and see that many have returned to happy productive lives. Some blossom early, some take a little more time. But the fact that so many have turned their lives around is an inspiration to me. I cannot lose sight of that - it's there if I want it. But I have to also work for it.
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