JT0626

Since I stopped drinking, I have been thinking about myself & how I got to this point. You see, it never dawned on me that I had an addictive personality even BEFORE I started drinking.

It all started with codependency for a long time. That within itself is like an addiction but with people. I need for someone to need me. I didn't care who if you fit the basic criteria for me. I needed to be liked & admired by others, that was the only way to thrive.

Then, it's like I became a love addict. Again, another addiction with people. My family used to joke with me saying that I was a serial monogamist. I would have a boyfriend for a long time, break up, & have a new boyfriend within a month or two. Sometimes I would leave one guy for another.

Alcohol came into the picture in 2008 when my husband and I started dating. I could tell he had a drinking problem off the bat, but my codependent self went into Captain Save-A-Bro mode. BIG.MISTAKE. I thought I could save him if he got with me. I thought if we drank together it would be a bonding thing for us. I thought I was immune to alcohol abuse because I never really drank before. I was oh so wrong in many ways.

I have learnerd so much on SR. I am becoming more aware of myself & how my addictive personality manifests itself. I think I need to start going to CODA meetings again as part of my recovery. I don't need another person as a self destructive project.

SoberLeigh

Great post, JT. Very insightful and self-aware.

desypete

i love reading posts like these as there just so honest, well done for being honest about yourself
its such a hard thing for many people to do as we like to try to hide things away from others and put on a silly mask that makes us look normal on the outside

your looking at things now with a new set of eyes so enjoy the journey of discovery

Soberwolf

Well done JT

JT0626

OMG, I can so relate to the bolded part above. I attach shame to so many things & shame can be such a recovery inhibitor. I am choosing not to be ashamed anymore & own my short comings no matter how painful they are.