Axiom

Wow! I just had the worst craving yet. I think maybe my first “real” craving. I have had thoughts of alcohol. I have wanted to drink. I have had thoughts of maybe I wasn’t so bad. All of which I have used different tools to get through.

This was different. This was so intense I didn’t know if I would get through it. Every thought was either I want a drink or no never again/you can’t have one. It lasted a long time. Not sure how long as I was on the train and was trying not to freak out.

I think I know what set it off. I walked through a part of town that is packed with restaurants and bars. Why? Because it’s pretty this time of year. I saw people who I use to drink with. Why? We were going to go ice-skating(closed) and they have been so supportive of what I have been going through. I am tired and I am hungry. All of these things I know better than to do. Why did I create a perfect storm? I honestly don’t know.

I have been depressed going through this, thinking it’s not fair why me? Overall not taking the right steps to recovery. Thinking I am simply stronger than this.

Right now I am scared it’s the first time it’s really hit me that I may not make it through this. I can and I will. It just really shook me.

I am exhausted and worried but I am sober. Making myself some tea and going to veg out on some bad T.V.

Sorry if this is jumbled and spastic, I needed to get this out.

Altoids

YAY for you!!! You made it thru a bad one and you learned from it. That's a huge win!!!

I once asked "why me" and an old timer answered me "why not you?" I was shocked. It took me a while to see that this hand I've been dealt isn't so bad. I'd sure rather have this issue than terminal brain cancer or a missing child or a ________.

We don't need alcohol for anything in our lives. We can have great fun, awesome relationships, delicious meals. . . whatever, better without it. I find it sad that folks NEED to have alcohol at functions. I was at a celebration this weekend and the only thing to drink was alcohol. . .beer or wine and many types of each. Nothing else. I got tap water from the kitchen sink. Pretty sad, huh??? We left after an appropriate amount of time and when we saw folks on their 4th drink. Nobody is fun to talk to like that.

Lance40

I'm glad you made it through Axiom, and it's great that you are sharing here. Cravings come in different shapes and forms, and some of them can be really intense. One thing that is working for me is to reach out immediately when I get into that kind of situation. If you have a sponsor, accountability partner or even friends/family who know about your situation, then pick up the phone and make that call right away. If you have the SR app on your phone, log online and post right away or pop into a chat room. SR can really come through with some solid support when you need it in times like that. There's no need to fight cravings alone when they hit.

Lance40

Double post