A prodigal son?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 30
A prodigal son?
Hi all,
Three years ago I realized that I was drinking too much, and resolved to quit. I made this account and started posting here. I loved this supportive community for the short time I was here. One of the things I wrestled with before was whether I was a true alcoholic. After all, I had a never gotten a DUI, I have a successful job, I don't beat my wife... I talked about this here and remember learning that some people have a high "rock bottom," and that maybe I fit that mold.
My wife didn't think I had a real problem... I stayed sober for about 4 months. It was about that time that I convinced myself that I wasn't that bad after all... and it would be OK if I started drinking again.
Funny story... when I began drinking again I found that I had developed a pretty harsh allergy to alcohol. One might think that this is a sign that beginning to drink was a bad idea... Not this guy though.
I worked with doctors to get my allergies under control, which took some time. I have found the correct combination of prescription medications to now put poison back in my system... I have been taking full advantage.
More good news! I've also been earning many of the "true" alcohol credentials I lacked before!
Here's some good examples--
Several weeks ago I was driving drunk and thought it would be fun to intentionally run over a series of traffic cones (so funny am I right?) A moonlighting police officer working as a security guard stopped me. The officer tried to be nice to me, didn't want to arrest me.. maybe because of my Marine veteran license plates? I showed him my appreciation by badgering him to let me drive, and arguing with him when he declined. He made my wife come pick me up. She had to wake the kids up, and put them in the car. She even made up a nice lie about why she had to go pick up daddy (Daddy has car troubles). (By the way, my wife no longer thinks I don't have a problem).
I managed to escape without a legal consequence, despite my best efforts.
I have made a jackass out of myself at multiple work functions.... most recently our company holiday party last night. I may have offended people with the power to fire me. I'm dreading Monday... like I do after all work functions lately.
Last night after the party I decided to drive (I make the best decisions when I'm drunk) and I got into a fender bender. I smooth talked my way out of calling the cops by agreeing to pay whatever damage I did out of pocket. I don't think they knew I was drunk, but the people in the car were extremely nice people.
Again, I manage to avoid any real legal problems...
I woke up this morning with a hangover, and have decided that enough is enough. I sent emails to people apologizing for last night, and started surfing substance abuse websites.
Last time I made a jackass out of myself I said that I would stop doing that.... I would only "have a few" and just "watch" what I drink. I have failed spectacularly. I contacted my company's EAP to have them set me up with a counselor. I found this website, and my old log in works. I read through some of my old posts.
I've looked into local AA meetings but haven't committed to going yet. I may not. I don't know. I am open to any and all advice and insight anyone may offer.
I am new to this but I do have one thing that I think I can speak from experience on: If you think you have a problem, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.
I have been getting progressively more reckless. I am on the verge of destroying myself and everything I have worked for, as well as the lives of my family.
I am an alcoholic.
Three years ago I realized that I was drinking too much, and resolved to quit. I made this account and started posting here. I loved this supportive community for the short time I was here. One of the things I wrestled with before was whether I was a true alcoholic. After all, I had a never gotten a DUI, I have a successful job, I don't beat my wife... I talked about this here and remember learning that some people have a high "rock bottom," and that maybe I fit that mold.
My wife didn't think I had a real problem... I stayed sober for about 4 months. It was about that time that I convinced myself that I wasn't that bad after all... and it would be OK if I started drinking again.
Funny story... when I began drinking again I found that I had developed a pretty harsh allergy to alcohol. One might think that this is a sign that beginning to drink was a bad idea... Not this guy though.
I worked with doctors to get my allergies under control, which took some time. I have found the correct combination of prescription medications to now put poison back in my system... I have been taking full advantage.
More good news! I've also been earning many of the "true" alcohol credentials I lacked before!
Here's some good examples--
Several weeks ago I was driving drunk and thought it would be fun to intentionally run over a series of traffic cones (so funny am I right?) A moonlighting police officer working as a security guard stopped me. The officer tried to be nice to me, didn't want to arrest me.. maybe because of my Marine veteran license plates? I showed him my appreciation by badgering him to let me drive, and arguing with him when he declined. He made my wife come pick me up. She had to wake the kids up, and put them in the car. She even made up a nice lie about why she had to go pick up daddy (Daddy has car troubles). (By the way, my wife no longer thinks I don't have a problem).
I managed to escape without a legal consequence, despite my best efforts.
I have made a jackass out of myself at multiple work functions.... most recently our company holiday party last night. I may have offended people with the power to fire me. I'm dreading Monday... like I do after all work functions lately.
Last night after the party I decided to drive (I make the best decisions when I'm drunk) and I got into a fender bender. I smooth talked my way out of calling the cops by agreeing to pay whatever damage I did out of pocket. I don't think they knew I was drunk, but the people in the car were extremely nice people.
Again, I manage to avoid any real legal problems...
I woke up this morning with a hangover, and have decided that enough is enough. I sent emails to people apologizing for last night, and started surfing substance abuse websites.
Last time I made a jackass out of myself I said that I would stop doing that.... I would only "have a few" and just "watch" what I drink. I have failed spectacularly. I contacted my company's EAP to have them set me up with a counselor. I found this website, and my old log in works. I read through some of my old posts.
I've looked into local AA meetings but haven't committed to going yet. I may not. I don't know. I am open to any and all advice and insight anyone may offer.
I am new to this but I do have one thing that I think I can speak from experience on: If you think you have a problem, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.
I have been getting progressively more reckless. I am on the verge of destroying myself and everything I have worked for, as well as the lives of my family.
I am an alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,880
Welcome back, Dah. Good to hear that you have decided upon sobriety.
There are many methods to try; you mentioned AA.
Here is a link to other methods.
Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
There are many methods to try; you mentioned AA.
Here is a link to other methods.
Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 169
DAH,
welcome. Your story rings very familiar. I came back to recovery (AA&SR) 43 days ago after my last & painful binge episode. I had tried controlled drinking for 9 years, after a sucessful 12 year stint at really good sobriety. During those 9 years, I also managed to keep things very "functional" - no dui's, career going well, wife OK, decent health, etc., etc. But I knew I was walking along the edge of a cliff, and, I just got sick and tired of feeling like sh$t after every binge - which was evolving to more frequent & black-out proportions.
Today, I feel great, have an AA sponsor, come here and post daily, and am feeling pretty darn grateful that I get another chance at this sobriety deal - BEFORE losing everyhing. I too am an alcoholic. Check-out the 1st page of chapter 2 - "There is a Solution". Good luck bro, Peace-out, MJM
welcome. Your story rings very familiar. I came back to recovery (AA&SR) 43 days ago after my last & painful binge episode. I had tried controlled drinking for 9 years, after a sucessful 12 year stint at really good sobriety. During those 9 years, I also managed to keep things very "functional" - no dui's, career going well, wife OK, decent health, etc., etc. But I knew I was walking along the edge of a cliff, and, I just got sick and tired of feeling like sh$t after every binge - which was evolving to more frequent & black-out proportions.
Today, I feel great, have an AA sponsor, come here and post daily, and am feeling pretty darn grateful that I get another chance at this sobriety deal - BEFORE losing everyhing. I too am an alcoholic. Check-out the 1st page of chapter 2 - "There is a Solution". Good luck bro, Peace-out, MJM
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
Great to have you back Dah.
The same sort of thing happend to me. I tried for many years to insist I could be a social drinker. It completely took over my life & turned me into someone I barely recognized. I could've saved myself so much misery if I'd admitted long ago that I can't touch it. We've got this now though!
The same sort of thing happend to me. I tried for many years to insist I could be a social drinker. It completely took over my life & turned me into someone I barely recognized. I could've saved myself so much misery if I'd admitted long ago that I can't touch it. We've got this now though!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
It was when the first of the "but I nevers" started showing up that I knew I couldn't go on the way I had been.
This is the time to do it. I haven't picked up a drink since I was so sick from withdrawal I had to have someone drive me home from work. Thankfully, that was it for me. I was very close to losing a great career that I had worked at very hard for many, many years.
This is the time to do it. I haven't picked up a drink since I was so sick from withdrawal I had to have someone drive me home from work. Thankfully, that was it for me. I was very close to losing a great career that I had worked at very hard for many, many years.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by Dah 
I have been getting progressively more reckless. I am on the verge of destroying myself and everything I have worked for, as well as the lives of my family.
I am an alcoholic.
thus this would be time in which for you to stop that
(I also deeply relate to the prodigal son of the Bible)
Bob
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome back Dah!!
I suffered from my first "yet" and spiraled further into addiction for a couple more years. Total insanity at it's worse, and I definitely don't recommend it. It never gets better, only worse when we don't choose recovery.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I suffered from my first "yet" and spiraled further into addiction for a couple more years. Total insanity at it's worse, and I definitely don't recommend it. It never gets better, only worse when we don't choose recovery.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by Mountainmanbob
the prodigal son came back home before he killed anyone with his foolishness
My kids are young. They still think I'm superman.
When they get old enough to see me for what I really am, I want them to be looking at a respectable person--not a loser. This is the choice I have to make now, and every day moving forward.
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