SoberD

Well, suffice to say that this is neither my first serious attempt at sobriety nor my first time on this site. I will spare everyone the nasty details of my addiction/history and just say that it has been about 48 hours since my last drink. Withdrawal is easing up but I can't escape the feelings of anger and isolation that always come from my attempts to quit - I feel like a part of me is being amputated - the part that allows me to connect with other people.

Does anyone else experience this?

Fly N Buy

In a way, yes. However the last couple years and the sense of isolation I felt even when around others is hard to describe. Living in a state of anomie is as close as I can come to the feeling.

I discovered this sense of loneliness/isolation is a key point among alcoholics. Had no idea, though it was just me.

Now that sense of isolation has dissipated a lot. Again, it's hard to describe - but even when I am by myself now, I don't feel alone. Know others are just a call/text/post or group meeting away - and going through the exact same issues has a great sense of belonging to me. The love connections I make now are more honest and real in nature. Just feels like a whole new beginning to life, for me

Keep posting friend, glad you are here!!
FlyN

PurpleKnight

For me Sobreity opened new doors, new ways to socialise, I realised alcohol is far from the centre of the universe, there are new exciting ways to enjoy life.

Also here on SR I have met some incredible people, which is something I thank alcohol for, because without an addiction this wonderful place I would never have discovered.

I think we need to look at the positives, we can't change the way we are, so there's no point in resenting giving up alcohol, it does get easier with time but you got to stick with it and build up some Sober time to realise the benefits!!

Hang in there!!

LBrain

sure, I felt like that. But the longer I stayed sober that feeling went away.

SoberD

Thanks Fly - most of my drinking has been in the context of the nightlife scene (with of course, heavy drinking before and after going out) and right there along with it is my social life.

I'm not going to lie - along with the desperation and anguish that drinking causes me are some really fun times - going out, meeting women, events, etc. I'm certain that (for me), if I were holed up in my apartment drinking alone, it would be much easier to convince myself that I was missing out on "life" because of it...

SoberD

Thanks LBraiin - I once went about 50 days sober and while the anger went away, the sense of isolation did not. This time around, I will be seeking different social outlets (once I'm not an angry ass), because once the physical part of the addiction subsides, the most painful part for me is feeling alone...

ScottFromWI

You falsely assume (as man of us do/did) that the only way to go out and meet people/attend events/etc. is by drinking. That's patently false, most people do just that drinking very little or drinking nothing at all.

It's very difficulty to see at this point, especially early on and while still withdrawing. But if you give it a chance, you will see that in reality, drinking holds us back by assuming the only activities we can participate in are those that revolve around alcohol.

Fly N Buy

I completely understand. Years ago, I had some great times as well - no doubt. My situation is an example of the progression much discussed. The party was over and "fun" was gone.

I recall a song - I go out on Friday night;

But two o'clock has come again
It's time to leave this paradise
Hope the chip shop isn't closed
Cos' their pies are really nice
I'll eat in the taxi queue
Standing in someone else's spew
Wish I had lipstick on my shirt
Instead of **** stains on my shoe

I guess that sums it up.......

The fun was gone and all that remained was the un.
Today, things are much brighter!! Busy with a multitude of new relationships and things to do. Started an online class in International Business that I wanted to do for awhile. I can now remember what I read!!!

Fun is back and has matured......
peace friend
FlyN

SoberD

Thanks Scott - I really needed to hear that. I think a major part of this process for me is teaching myself how to be social and sober. Do you remember how long it took in your sobriety to start feeling like you wanted to meet people, be around people, etc.? I have just tied my social life to drinking for so long that I'm worried I don't know how to do it anymore...

Inchworm

Oh, I hope you can get through the anger, soberD. It's so painful. Let us know how we can help.

LBrain

thanks for reminding me Fly, I was a lot more alone when I drank.

awuh1

Perhaps it's time to change the way you're approaching this and try something different?

This may seem too obvious, but why not go to an AA meeting and meet some sober folks? Many of them know exactly what you are going through. It might help with the feelings of isolation, at the very least.

ScottFromWI

I had several failed attempts at quitting, I attribute at least a portion of that to me attempting to do "business as usual" in social settings. I would still go to my normal places and drink NA beer for example. Or I would put myself in situations that I really had no business being in as a non-drinker - like a Bar for example. Not saying you can NEVER go to a bar again, but in reality, what is the point? I am comfortable now pretty much going anywhere - for example I would eat at a restaurant that also has a bar on premises, but I wouldn't eat AT the bar, or hang out in the bar before or after dinner. It's really all in how you frame it for me - am I going out to dinner, or am I going out to get drunk and get something to eat while I'm there? - BIG difference!

Dee74

Welcoem back Sober D.
I think you've had some great advice here already

when 'contact with other people' has meant 'drinking' for the last however many years, that's a understandable reaction...but the more experience you get connecting with people and having fun sober,. the easier it gets

Keep moving forward D

D

SoberD

Totally makes sense Scott - I'm certain that a "business as usual" approach won't work for me - in fact, it hasn't in the past. Going to the same places, being around the same people - even if I were to swear to not drink or be the DD for a night or whatever - would only last temporally.

I guess the frustration lies more so in (1) knowing that it is virtually impossible to "hide" from alcohol in our society; and (2) knowing that I presently cannot be around it without drinking.

As others have said, I think I just need a lot more sober time under my belt to have to strength to persevere with sobriety even where/when alcohol may be around (i.e. many/most social events for 30-somethings)...

Soberwolf

Build them sober muscles Sober D it gets a lot lot easier

SoberD

Thanks Dee - I have always been fairly comfortable socializing but since I have tended to avoid it while sober (in the last ~10 years), I'm sure that I will be pretty rusty for awhile. However, I'll be working on building the sober muscles and when the time is right, will flex them for all the world to see

SoberD

Thanks Wolf - looking forward to those easier times...

Hevyn

Glad to see you SoberD. Everything's going to be alright - you'll feel a little strange at first, but it will ease up.

I drank for almost 30 yrs. I didn't think I'd learn to live without my 'buffer' - but I wasn't living at all being numb & foggy. It feels great to be free.

SoberD

Thanks Hevyn, glad to be back here and feeling excited for a positive change/effort. Just hearing someone say "everything's going to be alright" in a time like this provides tremendous comfort...