Hello, from the family loser
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
(((Chilly)))
The longer you're sober, the more comfortable you'll become, and the easier these family gatherings will get. As for your uncle, I agree with Marcher--his reaction may not have been personal at all. Many of us addicts tend to be self-absorbed: we often think the whole universe revolves around us, but in reality, we're just another person. Unique, just like all the other persons in this world. Now that you're no longer a drunk, you are probably commanding far less negative attention!
You did well, and your family is overwhelmingly loving. You are fortunate! Have a blast with your Dallas fan visitors!
The longer you're sober, the more comfortable you'll become, and the easier these family gatherings will get. As for your uncle, I agree with Marcher--his reaction may not have been personal at all. Many of us addicts tend to be self-absorbed: we often think the whole universe revolves around us, but in reality, we're just another person. Unique, just like all the other persons in this world. Now that you're no longer a drunk, you are probably commanding far less negative attention!
You did well, and your family is overwhelmingly loving. You are fortunate! Have a blast with your Dallas fan visitors!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
I agree with all the support you received here, Chillly, and I wanted to add something else. Your story reminds me of that meme I often see that says, "Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be Kind, always." When you're feeling like a loser, try to remember that the people you consider "winners" could very well be feeling the same way about themselves. You don't know what's going on at home, or within themselves. They could be suffering with their own problems that you just don't know about. Problems that are deeply personal and devastating to them, they're just suffering in silence. You're no loser. We ALL have stuff. Congrats for going and not drinking, that's a huge success.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,450
If they are judging you over a 20 dollar discrepancy, they are the losers. And why didn't your wealthy relative just pay for everyone? Nobody is free of judgment. Being sober 13 days for someone addicted is a huge accomplishment. If they are not aware of how difficult that is, they should educate themselves on alcoholism.
You are doing a good job, keep it up!
You are doing a good job, keep it up!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 819
Chillly, I am confused. Where is the loser in that post? You showed up at a dinner and didn't drink. Your family was happy to see you, your litttle cousin connected with you and your visiting family wants to hang out with you. And you have 13 days sober. Sounds like a winner to me and a successful evvening to boot!
BTW, many successful people have problems. You don't know who they are when they are at home. Having a drinking problem and staying sober, makes YOU successful!
BTW, many successful people have problems. You don't know who they are when they are at home. Having a drinking problem and staying sober, makes YOU successful!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
I commend you for your strength and
courage to face the situation you were
in without poisoning urself. Setting a
strong example to the younger ones
that you don't have to have alcohol
with a meal speaks volumns in my
own book.
Family setting always made me feel
uncomfortable too and for me, I had
to suck it up till the end and return
home with much self loathing.
HOWEVER, I prayed a lot and I mean
ALOT, turning my will and life over to
the Man upstairs who LOVES ME
unconditionally and give me strength
and guidance all along the way.
I had to learn not to take all those
folks, family members, friends, inventory
and just accept them as they are because
there is no way in heck I can change them
to my own liking.
With my program of recovery secured
tight in the ground, anchored securely
each day to live strong on, I was able
to learn many good lessons to avoid
placing myself in situations that are out
of my control.
I went to many of my kids music functions,
family gathering because it was important
to them that as their mom I was there. If
it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have gone
mainly because of the adults.
Anyway, today, I realize that my recovery,
my serenity, my peace of mind, health,
my Faith is extremely important to me
and sorry to say, not family. I have to
live my recovery according to what keeps
me sober, healthy, and happy each day.
Im not saying what works for me is
the perfect solution, but it works for
me.
Stay STRONG, SOBER, HEALTHY
and continue to build a solid foundation
to live your life on so that you can pass
on your own ESH - experiences, strengths
and hopes to those that will follow you
in recovery.
There are soooooo many folks, whether
old or young that addiction has affected
them and today they need OUR VOICE
to help them learn that there is life after
addiction with learning a program of recovery
to help them live a healthy more meaningful
life for yrs. to come.
courage to face the situation you were
in without poisoning urself. Setting a
strong example to the younger ones
that you don't have to have alcohol
with a meal speaks volumns in my
own book.
Family setting always made me feel
uncomfortable too and for me, I had
to suck it up till the end and return
home with much self loathing.
HOWEVER, I prayed a lot and I mean
ALOT, turning my will and life over to
the Man upstairs who LOVES ME
unconditionally and give me strength
and guidance all along the way.
I had to learn not to take all those
folks, family members, friends, inventory
and just accept them as they are because
there is no way in heck I can change them
to my own liking.
With my program of recovery secured
tight in the ground, anchored securely
each day to live strong on, I was able
to learn many good lessons to avoid
placing myself in situations that are out
of my control.
I went to many of my kids music functions,
family gathering because it was important
to them that as their mom I was there. If
it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have gone
mainly because of the adults.
Anyway, today, I realize that my recovery,
my serenity, my peace of mind, health,
my Faith is extremely important to me
and sorry to say, not family. I have to
live my recovery according to what keeps
me sober, healthy, and happy each day.
Im not saying what works for me is
the perfect solution, but it works for
me.
Stay STRONG, SOBER, HEALTHY
and continue to build a solid foundation
to live your life on so that you can pass
on your own ESH - experiences, strengths
and hopes to those that will follow you
in recovery.
There are soooooo many folks, whether
old or young that addiction has affected
them and today they need OUR VOICE
to help them learn that there is life after
addiction with learning a program of recovery
to help them live a healthy more meaningful
life for yrs. to come.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
Hey, we're not too far from each other Chilly!
I feel ya, I really do. I begged off on Thanksgiving (my sister lives in Broomfield and hosted yesterday) this year and am going to go to a soup kitchen and serve dinner there on the real Thanksgiving because I need to make new memories.
Anyway, I don't this to get even or whatever but I thought this was really enlightening.
The boyfriend and I were at a home Air Force Football game (our neighbors work there so we got some free tickets) and my perfect sisters husband has his arm around some other woman (he didn't see us) My point being-not everything is as it seems. So many of us put on our game faces. Today I'm real. Its sounds like you are too. It is taking me a long time to be ok with being real instead of pretending.
I feel ya, I really do. I begged off on Thanksgiving (my sister lives in Broomfield and hosted yesterday) this year and am going to go to a soup kitchen and serve dinner there on the real Thanksgiving because I need to make new memories.
Anyway, I don't this to get even or whatever but I thought this was really enlightening.
The boyfriend and I were at a home Air Force Football game (our neighbors work there so we got some free tickets) and my perfect sisters husband has his arm around some other woman (he didn't see us) My point being-not everything is as it seems. So many of us put on our game faces. Today I'm real. Its sounds like you are too. It is taking me a long time to be ok with being real instead of pretending.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 54
Hey Chilli...
I want to echo what FreeOwl said, and look what happened, you cousin want's to hang out! Would they have done that if you'd got drunk? Two week is great work. Listen to Dee about the negative self image. It's so destructive, and for me certainly, it is what kept me drinking.
Take care...
iwf
I want to echo what FreeOwl said, and look what happened, you cousin want's to hang out! Would they have done that if you'd got drunk? Two week is great work. Listen to Dee about the negative self image. It's so destructive, and for me certainly, it is what kept me drinking.
Take care...
iwf
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Mare Crisium
Posts: 1,930
Originally Posted by chillly 
(don't worry though, because only 1 of them is a multi-millionaire.) and me..a constant loser.
If I was that so-called "multi-millionaire", no one at that table would have seen the tab.
YOU are CLEARLY not the loser here!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Do you think you are a loser because you were short on the bill or because you can't drink? Or both or neither?
Loser is such a derogatory term and it really doesn't mean anything. Other people's perceptions are always changing and based on their experiences. That is why it is important to have a core sense of self that can withstand the ever changing winds of opinion. You know who you are and you know you are not a loser. That should suffice in the end.
Loser is such a derogatory term and it really doesn't mean anything. Other people's perceptions are always changing and based on their experiences. That is why it is important to have a core sense of self that can withstand the ever changing winds of opinion. You know who you are and you know you are not a loser. That should suffice in the end.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
There was one person at that table being a really good influence on that child, it was you. Proven by the text you received later on. If you choose to not care about someone because of monetary situations, that makes you much worse off then them. In my opinion, if finances are an issue, they should have chosen somewhere that you could afford. Believe me, I work with some high rollers. I am around people all the time with ALOT of money. My salary X many. I don't even blink an eye. I have a brain. I can contribute in ways they do not.
And I can also tell you that I know a lot about some of their finances. The more you make, they more you spend. Just because they can flash a credit card does not mean they are in a stable financial situation.
Just see the success in seeing those that you care about and care about you, leave the rest.
XXX
And I can also tell you that I know a lot about some of their finances. The more you make, they more you spend. Just because they can flash a credit card does not mean they are in a stable financial situation.
Just see the success in seeing those that you care about and care about you, leave the rest.
XXX
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
Hi Chilly no kiddo you are not the biggest loser.. they are... my hubbies family is all very wealthy.. sister patty has the family business and they are always going on where they have traveled to.. wow With all the big money at your dinner no one was fighting for the check as they had the biggest credit card.. eekek and laughter.. I have gone to several of that type of Dinner.. with what 10.00 in my pocket and just enough gas to go and come home.. there always is a row on who gets the bill.. hahahahaha I just let it float.. have had some great meals.. on someone else's dime.. but when I know in advance like at least a year.. that we are going to this type of meal... always stuff a couple of pennies away to cover hubby and me and once in awhile if it is a breakfast before a car race I pick up the bill before Patty and Billy hahahahahh love it. then at 50.00 I can do it.. a year in advance...
No kiddo you are not the loser.. the family is.. one thing I have always wondered about.. why is it people with so much are always so unhappy ... and yet they could do good in so many places... yep... so Stand Tall Hold the High Ground and Keep Punching.. cause Kiddo I know you got it in you to be the best Winner... a Blue Star Mom that has a Son at Fort Carson CO... love the Denver area.. want to come back out for a week to visit and take a hike to Pikes Peak.. hey they say Big Foot lives there. ahahhaahhahaha and real Dino's are still being dug up... wow... ardy
No kiddo you are not the loser.. the family is.. one thing I have always wondered about.. why is it people with so much are always so unhappy ... and yet they could do good in so many places... yep... so Stand Tall Hold the High Ground and Keep Punching.. cause Kiddo I know you got it in you to be the best Winner... a Blue Star Mom that has a Son at Fort Carson CO... love the Denver area.. want to come back out for a week to visit and take a hike to Pikes Peak.. hey they say Big Foot lives there. ahahhaahhahaha and real Dino's are still being dug up... wow... ardy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 174
Hey Chilly its magpie. Hey don't feel like a loser. Just because people have more money than me I don't let it get me down. Plus that, you had the self control not to indulge in a bunch of booze or wine. Hll, you did better than me in the past so your setting a good example for those kids you speak of. that is what I want to do for my son, set a good example so he doesn't go down the same road that I went down. Iced tea is awesome and don't let this stuff bother you. Stay strong dude, hang in there
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