Yearning
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Victoria, Australia
Posts: 2
Yearning
Hi All,
So I found my way here after a good few hours of scouring the net in search of a glimmer hope that out there, somewhere there is a way that I can drink again. I've not had a drink since mid-2010, but for a long time now I've romanticised the idea of drinking again. I often have beautiful dreams that I'm warm and content from gin or scotch, asking myself "should I be doing this?" and answering "yes, you can do this now, it's not a problem anymore." And I wake up. And it is a problem.
I nearly had a drink tonight. I took a can of my housemate's cider and sat it on the table in front of me. I searched forums and articles hoping to come across all the people that say that they became perfectly untroubled moderate drinkers when once they were out-of-control drunks. Im not looking hard enough. I have to dig deeper. I need permission.
I came across a forum thread by DRI asking the same question as I was: Can an alcoholic ever drink again in moderation? It was a tight race*, but "no" seemed to be the favourite response. (*It was most definitely not a tight race.) I read through the replies of that post and others, and realised that I need to remind myself, consistently, of my ability to completely **** my life with alcohol.
Last month my girlfriend and I booked tickets to go to Canada in March next year (I live in Australia); last week she broke up with me. I'll nearly have 5 years sobriety by then, but dominating my thoughts right now are: "I'll celebrate my first trip abroad with a whiskey, alone and excited on Air Canada."
I'm both terrified and giddy that I might drink when I travel. I somehow mourn my past days of distinct, intense sadness and euphoria, and the idea of watching the sunset over mountains with glass in hand is perhaps the most perfect image I can conjure.
Tonight, however, I put the cider back in the fridge, thanks mainly to the members of this site. So thank you.
So I found my way here after a good few hours of scouring the net in search of a glimmer hope that out there, somewhere there is a way that I can drink again. I've not had a drink since mid-2010, but for a long time now I've romanticised the idea of drinking again. I often have beautiful dreams that I'm warm and content from gin or scotch, asking myself "should I be doing this?" and answering "yes, you can do this now, it's not a problem anymore." And I wake up. And it is a problem.
I nearly had a drink tonight. I took a can of my housemate's cider and sat it on the table in front of me. I searched forums and articles hoping to come across all the people that say that they became perfectly untroubled moderate drinkers when once they were out-of-control drunks. Im not looking hard enough. I have to dig deeper. I need permission.
I came across a forum thread by DRI asking the same question as I was: Can an alcoholic ever drink again in moderation? It was a tight race*, but "no" seemed to be the favourite response. (*It was most definitely not a tight race.) I read through the replies of that post and others, and realised that I need to remind myself, consistently, of my ability to completely **** my life with alcohol.
Last month my girlfriend and I booked tickets to go to Canada in March next year (I live in Australia); last week she broke up with me. I'll nearly have 5 years sobriety by then, but dominating my thoughts right now are: "I'll celebrate my first trip abroad with a whiskey, alone and excited on Air Canada."
I'm both terrified and giddy that I might drink when I travel. I somehow mourn my past days of distinct, intense sadness and euphoria, and the idea of watching the sunset over mountains with glass in hand is perhaps the most perfect image I can conjure.
Tonight, however, I put the cider back in the fridge, thanks mainly to the members of this site. So thank you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Simple answer,
When I think of drinking, I don't think of going out to dinner and having a glass of wine or a delicious brandy and heading home satisfied.
I think of going to the store and buying a couple/3 bottles of wine or a bottle of brandy/vodka/bacardi and taking it home and letting rip.
A non-alcoholic doesn't obsess and romanticise drink as the be all and end all of life.
It is not for us.
We can do whatever we want to in this life except alter our minds!
You just went through a breakup.
You are sad and grieving.
You don't seem to think it was a great mistake breaking up but of course you miss being with someone.
Take time to grieve and just be.
Do not drink.
That is your little inner demon alcoholic voice talking.
Slap him upside the head and tell him to buzz off.
Cliche alert..........No one ever came back after drinking to say it was great and we should all try it.
I did have that feeling of annoyance about being as obsessed with not drinking as much as I obsessed about drinking.
Well, it passes. It is NOT an option.
When I think of drinking, I don't think of going out to dinner and having a glass of wine or a delicious brandy and heading home satisfied.
I think of going to the store and buying a couple/3 bottles of wine or a bottle of brandy/vodka/bacardi and taking it home and letting rip.
A non-alcoholic doesn't obsess and romanticise drink as the be all and end all of life.
It is not for us.
We can do whatever we want to in this life except alter our minds!
You just went through a breakup.
You are sad and grieving.
You don't seem to think it was a great mistake breaking up but of course you miss being with someone.
Take time to grieve and just be.
Do not drink.
That is your little inner demon alcoholic voice talking.
Slap him upside the head and tell him to buzz off.
Cliche alert..........No one ever came back after drinking to say it was great and we should all try it.
I did have that feeling of annoyance about being as obsessed with not drinking as much as I obsessed about drinking.
Well, it passes. It is NOT an option.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 283
i'm only 7 months sober but the cravings have mostly gone. here in the UK, the impending Xmas holidays mean the TV ads are all for alcohol, pretty much. the other day i saw one and thought oh, a nice glass of red. delicious.
and then i put that thought firmly out of my head. i never drank because it was delicious. i've never had a nice glass of anything in my life. i crave oblivion when i crave a drink, pure and simple.
play the tape forward. a scotch on the plane? heh. if you manage to remain coherent enough to enter Canada, what will your trip entail? i'm going to go out on a limb here and say that you will likely spend most of your time in a hotel room. that's the better option. the other scenario is you deciding to 'go for a drink', hitting the bars, and if you're lucky waking up the next day in your hotel. or, conversely, waking up in a jail cell/doorway/strange apartment with no recollection of how you got there.
whichever way you look, drinking is not a safe option. conjure up the real picture, not the one your addiction is delighting in showing you.
i wish you well.
and then i put that thought firmly out of my head. i never drank because it was delicious. i've never had a nice glass of anything in my life. i crave oblivion when i crave a drink, pure and simple.
play the tape forward. a scotch on the plane? heh. if you manage to remain coherent enough to enter Canada, what will your trip entail? i'm going to go out on a limb here and say that you will likely spend most of your time in a hotel room. that's the better option. the other scenario is you deciding to 'go for a drink', hitting the bars, and if you're lucky waking up the next day in your hotel. or, conversely, waking up in a jail cell/doorway/strange apartment with no recollection of how you got there.
whichever way you look, drinking is not a safe option. conjure up the real picture, not the one your addiction is delighting in showing you.
i wish you well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Victoria, Australia
Posts: 2
Thanks Hollyanne. Good advice and what I need to hear. Cliche or not, the point that no one is thankful they've relapsed is a good one. I'm glad I found this forum tonight.
And chickippo, you're right; contentedly sitting watching the sunset is not the real picture. Your suggestion of what my trip would actually be like literally scares me. I forget so easily.
And chickippo, you're right; contentedly sitting watching the sunset is not the real picture. Your suggestion of what my trip would actually be like literally scares me. I forget so easily.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Do you go to AA? Or any support group?
There is a young guy just posting from DownUnder and you can help him.
Get out of your own head.
We have to change a lot when we quit drinking.
We drank for a reason.
We have to change how we live, think, act.
I seriously get annoyed about that!
I am not drinking!
What more do I have to do???!!!!
LOTS!
The drinking is but a symptom.
My advice to you is read a lot here.
You will figure out what to do next.
No one worth listening to will tell you drink.
If you are young, that is an extra burden.
You may feel like you got stopped up to soon.
Hey! No fair! I didn't get a fair chance!
Yup, not fair.
But, you also don't get to mess up to the extraordinary extent that an older person does!
Read, go to meetings, don't get sucked into anything.
Just stroll around and see what catches your eye.
Don't drink.
are you into sports?
Coach a team?
Volunteer with the fire dept?
Go back to school?
Origami?
There is a young guy just posting from DownUnder and you can help him.
Get out of your own head.
We have to change a lot when we quit drinking.
We drank for a reason.
We have to change how we live, think, act.
I seriously get annoyed about that!
I am not drinking!
What more do I have to do???!!!!
LOTS!
The drinking is but a symptom.
My advice to you is read a lot here.
You will figure out what to do next.
No one worth listening to will tell you drink.
If you are young, that is an extra burden.
You may feel like you got stopped up to soon.
Hey! No fair! I didn't get a fair chance!
Yup, not fair.
But, you also don't get to mess up to the extraordinary extent that an older person does!
Read, go to meetings, don't get sucked into anything.
Just stroll around and see what catches your eye.
Don't drink.
are you into sports?
Coach a team?
Volunteer with the fire dept?
Go back to school?
Origami?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 151
Someone should invent a pill that perfectly mimics the feeling of the hangovers you have when you've been getting tanked for a month straight , and have the effect last for a full week after taking one , that would help someoff us who forget how shittty we felt when we drank ,
Grats on your long sobriety time
Grats on your long sobriety time
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
If you're having that much romantic drink-haunting with that much sobriety under your belt.... It strikes me that perhaps your sobriety is calling for renewed action.
How are you cultivating deep sobriety? How are you supporting your sober living?
Dreams and overwhelming thoughts of 'maybe I can handle it now' - in my experience - are signs of a growing separation from sobriety that open us up for devastating relapse.
How are you cultivating deep sobriety? How are you supporting your sober living?
Dreams and overwhelming thoughts of 'maybe I can handle it now' - in my experience - are signs of a growing separation from sobriety that open us up for devastating relapse.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Engerland
Posts: 897
Not being flippant but the only sun I saw setting was mine when I had my last drink. Started off innocently enough (but for the fact that I am alcoholic).
Row with partner.
I'll show her and fix my feelings at the same time.
Bottle of vodka. Better make that 2 , don't wan't to run out....
I'll not bother tomorrow after all I know enough to control this now.
Month (37 bottles later).
No job, partner and kids beside themselves, all healthy ties severed and jaundiced, bloated, slit eyes and unable to walk unaided.
Don't bother friend if you think you might have what I have.
G
Row with partner.
I'll show her and fix my feelings at the same time.
Bottle of vodka. Better make that 2 , don't wan't to run out....
I'll not bother tomorrow after all I know enough to control this now.
Month (37 bottles later).
No job, partner and kids beside themselves, all healthy ties severed and jaundiced, bloated, slit eyes and unable to walk unaided.
Don't bother friend if you think you might have what I have.
G
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hi Geffen if you feel like that again try this http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html
or this my friend http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html
Congrats on your 4+ years sober time
or this my friend http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html
Congrats on your 4+ years sober time
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