itsnotfair

this is a choice that is hard to stand by. It is easy to want change and hard to make it. I have spent most of my life using 1drug or another. I have spent the last 17mo. locked up and now that I am out and trying to do all the right things there seems to be roadblock after roadblock. I need to get a job but don't have the ride to go look for one nor the gas to pay someone to take me. Then if I do get a job I will have to figure out how to get there. I have a parole officer I report to and I have a mental health group that comes to my place of residence 2xs a week. I also found out while I was locked up that I have cancer. the doctors will have to do some surgery and there poses a problem as well an opportunity to use. ugh, this is going to be a most interesting dangerous and exciting event. how do I stay sober when there is all the opportunity I need to use one last time without the fear of violating my parole and having no other way of not having to use some form of pain relief after surgery. wow this is a most frustrating situation and hey if there are any suggestions out there it would be greatly appreciated

doggonecarl

Welcome to Sober Recovery.

I don't see anything on your list having to do with recovery. Staying clean and sober should be your number one priority. Without that, what do you have? Another stretch of jail time?

Stay sober, work on the other stuff. Don't look at the enormity of ALL you have to do. Look at what you can do today to stay recovered and work on clearing those roadblocks.

Anna

Welcome, and I'm glad you found us and posted.

What are you doing now to help with your recovery? Do you have a program in place? In order to get and keep a job, your recovery will need to be maintained. As far as the logistics, could you move to an area where there is public transportation to help you with the job search?

I'm sorry to hear about your health problems and I wish you well as you deal with that.

itsnotfair

I do have some recovery stuff going, there is a counselor that comes to my house once a week to talk and then a caseworker that also comes once a week. I have researched online for support and I am trying to take it one min at a time. I am trying to get to some aa meetings and I just hope that my fear of jail will keep me focused on staying sober. Like I said I just need to hear from someone who understands all this crazy stuff in my head

doggonecarl

Coming here is a great start. Baby steps...you'll get there.

itsnotfair

the only program I have is the ppl who come to my house. I don't have an option of moving right now and I find that I am bored with things around here and easily distracted. I just want to have the things and thoughts in my head to go away. I am always going back to the old thinking and I have to keep telling myself that is not the person I want to be.

sprout50

You mentioned using one last time. Don't. Last hurrahs usually end in disaster and if your parole officer finds out, it could be back to jail for you.

Focus on staying sober, utilize the mental health services you are receiving, hit up an AA meeting....If you want a better life, it is just there waiting for you.

JanieJ

Hi Itsnotfair, welcome

I think you have to get back to basics here and take things one very small step at a time.
You sound panicky in your post and that's not surprising considering what you are facing at the moment.

I'm so sorry to hear about your health issues.

Focus on getting and staying sober and clean, that's your first priority.

If you phone your local AA meeting, they can probably send someone to pick you up and drop you home.

You can become the person you want to be, step by step, and you can make a start by staying clean /sober.

You will find lots of support here for recovery.

Read around some posts here and some of the info stickys.

Glad you found us.

Dee74

Hi and welcome itsnotfair

Recovery may be a choice thats hard to stand by but it's your best shot now I think - going backwards, even one last time, could end in disaster.

I'm sure that you never wanted to end up like this - it's never too late to rebuild and become the person you wanted to be.

Using again would not be a move towards that.

You've got a lot to deal with but there is support -I wonder if there's anyone else at your house who could drive you to meetings? or you could call the local AA/NA office and ask after lifts?

You might even meet some folks there who might be able to help you with job hunting etc.

You'll find a lot of support here too - I'm glad you've found us

D

Soberwolf

Sorry its not fair

Keep reading keep posting you can do this