helpimalive

I have a question.

At what stage of your drinking/using career did you start to think, I don’t want this. I think I might want to stop this. This could be bad. This could be a problem.

And then at what stage did you start to actively struggle? How long did it take to start struggling? How long did you struggle?

Because there are different relationships we can have with alcohol/drugs even when we’re using it and it’s destroying our lives, right? We can be oblivious to what is happening. We can know what’s happening but not be able to stop. We can be fighting so hard but without the right tools or whatever, so we’re going back and forth and back and forth and relapsing repeatedly. Et cetera.

I’m particularly wondering if anybody ever got to a really bad place before they ever even thought, This Looks Bad. Like, if there are people who go through years and years of heavy drinking or using without questioning it.

I ask just because I’m interested, I don’t have a point or a more specific question :p

Dee74

I knew I should stop after about 5 years - I continued on for another 15.
Call it stubborn, denial or stupidity but I didn't want to be 'beaten'

Of course the irony was I was being beaten, everyday, by myself.
D

luvmygirls

I should have stopped at least 15 years ago. I never had serious consequences (including now)...I'm one of those "yets" everyone talks about.

Soberwolf

After my mum died i went numb looking back i was in denial for at least 3 years i was vomiting blood and drinking litres of vodka a day looking back i was deluded by my denial like how could i not know

powderline

I knew several years ago after a bad, long term breakup that things were spiraling out of control for me. Once I started drinking straight from the bottle in the morning, well... That is not "normal" drinking. I also starting losing some hair around that time which concerned me a great deal. No hair loss in my family. We all have thick hair.

If I'm being brutally honest, I always knew in my 20s that I would probably develop a problem "someday". And then I'd just stop. That someday hit me in the face two years ago. I'm 37 now. It certainly wasn't as easy to "just stop" like I had planned.

My first attempt to stop was right around that time. Little did I know that I had been withdrawing over and over through the years. That first attempt to stop frightened me to my core.

Hevyn

My experience was similar to Dee's. I should have seen I was in trouble right from the beginning - but I clung to the idea I could moderate for decades. Didn't want to miss out on all the fun.

Nonsensical

I realized my drinking was abnormally excessive in 1986. I went to my first AA meeting in 1991. I voluntarily went to in-patient rehab in 2005. I quit drinking in 2014.

soberbrah

Party was over basically right from the start. Maybe I thought id eventually settle down but once I got a taste my entire existence revolved around it one way or another. Some "good" times sprinkled in every now and then.

Hawks

30 years of crazy crash, bash, lock up and etc.

In between trying desperately to moderate or stop for about ten of those years.

When I went to my first AA meeting at 28 and read "powerless " I thought "WTF? "

14 years later, I slid in for the second time and thought

"powerless over alcohol...... What a perfect description of my last ten years "

Shazam.... I had taken the first step (the hard way, as that seems to be the way I learn)

hiddenzebra

When I noticed that I wouldn't sleep for a week after quitting I knew there was a problem.

When I noticed I couldn't even drink myself to sleep, well, that was really tough.

Sober now, and I sleep much better

JanieJ

I knew, deep down, back in my 20s that it was gonna kill me if I didn't stop, but I ignored that inner voice.

It got too loud to ignore about five years ago, and it's taken me lots of failed attempts and much procrastinating to finally do it.

helpimalive

Wow, that's a lot of people on here struggling for a long time.

... Could two or three years of knowing it's a problem and five total years of drinking cut it ... ? Now I feel like it's a crazy dream to think I could stop already for good.

I probably shouldn't have asked this question lol

Nowsthetime

It will cut it. You will write your own story. I have learned not to compare my story with others because it serves no purpose.

If you are ready, it's time.

We will be here for you!

ANewDayNYC

My heaviest drinking was in college (I had a night where I woke up in hospital and nearly died). However, for some reason this didn't phase me. After I graduated, I feel working forced me to be sober more often. I drank alot less and "a normal amount" - atleast for awhile. However, after a few years I felt my tolerance increasing and I started having more bad nights. At this point - I made attempts to quit. It was really the difficulty in stopping that made me see that I have a problem.

Hawks

That's the entire point of telling you about the ridiculous length of my drinking career.

Don't be so stubborn and insane as I was.

I talk with a 23 year old young man who just rocked up to my home group.... He's had a relatively short drinking career too.

But when he does drink, has little or no control over the amount of booze he drank and tried unsuccessfully to stop from age 21.

It doesn't mean he's not a "big" an alcoholic as me...... Just means he a smarter kid who learns faster and came to a realisation that he was in trouble with booze, well before I did.

Hopefully you can be smarter than me too.... It's not hard when it comes to alcoholic career span.

All you gotta do is finish up prior to 30 years and Shazam.... You've completely outsmarted me

Hope that helps

Soberpotamus

Age 27, and stopped for good at age 36. So, a 9 year span.

happyandfree

Pretty much from the time I started and drank till II threw up every time when I was 14....but I didn't care. I loved it. I continued for many decades. ...ugh.

mns1

For me it was my already fragile health. I have ulcerative colitis. Alcohol, and especially hard liqour (Jack Daniels has always been my drink of choice) can greatly aggravate this condition. After my intitial bout with heavy drinking, which lasted nearly two years, my body finally couldn't take anymore. It shut down. My ulcerative colitis flared up and I just melted like a candle. Spent nine days in the hospital and months more building myself back up. That was three years ago and I've struggled since to keep the lure of alcohol at bay.

DoubleFelix

I started drinking regularly when I was 18 or 19, and could always sense that I felt differently about booze than other people. Drinking got heavier at 21 (more access), and heavier still at 22. Realized I had a problem then. Tried to do controlled drinking during all of 23, and stopped for good here at 24. So a fairly short career, still managed to get two drinking citations and make lots of bad decisions in that time though. We all have our own path.

Edit to add: the struggle really started at 22 cause that's when the mental obsession started. Thought of booze everyday, and felt I couldn't go a day without it. That terrified me but wasn't enough to make me stop at the time.

VikingGF

In 1995, I knew there was trouble. If I'm lucky, in 2015, I will have ONE year sober. Feel free to do the math.