Thomasthetank

So I was late meeting some friends for lunch today and they asked me what I wanted as they were ordering as I arrived, because I'm not fussy someone said they were having steak pie and I said "sounds great, I'll have that". My friends pie arrived before me and he said it was good but the taste of ale was a bit strong. Ah of course, it's steak and ale pie, I should have realised that was likely when I ordered.

Now half of these people I don't know too well and they don't know my history with alcohol.

So I went to the kitchen and ordered a different meal. Obviously this was noticed and I was asked about it and I was pretty blunt about the fact that I used to be an alcoholic, I've no reason to hide anything. It wasn't that they were rude it was more.... they treated me the rest of the night like I was there to spoil the party. I was pretty much outcasted by those other than my long time friends.

It doesn't matter much, I know. I just don't get this change in attitude towards me because I don't drink, I'm the same guy.

Plus I had to deal with people questioning why I couldn't have ANY alcohol, to the point where I'd send it back.

I tried to answer the question the best I could, saying It was a principle, that if I said to myself I could have alcohol just in food, then why not just one drink, then if one drink is ok why not 2,3,4,5-oblivion.

They pretty much ignored me after that. I just don't understand people sometimes.

No Relapse, No Surrender.

Tom.

suki44883

Can you imagine any other food product that you would be questioned over like that? Say you realized that a dish you ordered contained peanut oil or something and had to send it back.

I think it makes them conscious of their own drinking and that makes them a bit uncomfortable. Not very nice to make you feel like an outcast though.

Dee74

Most of my relationships were built on shared consumption of alcohol. My mates felt threatened when I quit.

Honesty is great but to be frank, I found myself being honest in a self serving way sometimes in the early days.

It was like I would declare my alcoholism, a little belligerently even, and not care if it made people uncomfortable.

These days I keep my own counsel. I'd have said I didn't like the pie and preferred something else.

D

Croissant

Sounds like a mountain out of a molehill. Easy response is you didn't want it if the taste was too strong.

Why open up a conversation that simply is no ones business if you didn't want to talk about it?

Someone had already said the taste was off, I don't think we need to explain any more than you simply didn't want it for that reason.

least

I think your 'friends' were quite rude.

Tang

I've lost contact with most of my old friends because of stopping.

Lusher

Hey Thomasthetank-

I use to meet up with a good friend several times a week, which was always to 'grab a beer.' Since I stopped drinking we have not gone out at all. A while back I asked if he wanted to meet at our old hunt. When he asked if I was drinking again, I said no, but I would be fine with club soda. His reply: "You're not one of those guys now, are you?"

This was after he knew that I had stopped, and get this- He's even one of the few friends that showed concern about my consumption and recommended to me several times that I should quit. To this day I have yet to meet up with any of my 'friends' in a social setting. From reading some of these other posts, I'm starting to see that this is not too uncommon.

RumHound

Kudos to Tom for rejecting the meal. Awkward situation well handled, I'd say.

bunnezjp

To Hell with them, then. Be true to you

Bunnez

helpimalive

Good for you! I live in fear of such a moment. I think I might drink just to have them not judge me like that. Your response was rather better :p

Thomasthetank

No, no, it wasn't like that at all. I don't generally talk about my alcoholism. It started off with them buying a couple of pitchers of cocktails and asking if I wanted some and my saying no I didn't really drink. Then when I sent the meal back, more questions came, over and over. So I told them. I wouldn't have bothered, usually, I didn't tell them out of nowhere.

I see no reason to lie.

Dee74

yeah fair enough - I was just approaching it from my own experience

I see no reason to lie either but equally I don't see any reason to make it all about me.

I think maybe it's the difference between a young guy and a middle aged guy here Tom

D

snowbunting

What suki said is spot on - if it was any other ingredient you were allergic too - dairy, gluten, nut oil - no-one would be giving you a hard time about it. But you're allergic to alcohol, and for some reason that makes everyone think it's their business, or that you're making some kind of insinuation about them and their drinking. It's crazy.

I've had similar experiences through being vegan. If I said I was allergic to dairy, no-one would care, but asking if something is vegan in a restaurant is seen as an open invitation for (some) people to badger, begrudge, or belittle me in some way.

In both cases, it's because our choices make people question their own choices - that's not our intention, but by simply declining something that is a cultural 'norm', that's what we're indirectly doing. It can make people incredibly defensive.

I think in time, a mixture of things will happen: you'll get used to it, move in better or more understanding circles of friends, and develop some methods and phrases to use to bat off any unwanted aggro.

Well done for sending back the pie

sprout50

You did great Tom. It can be really tough in a peer pressure sort of environment. You just keep doing what you do.