dcrr

So - I managed 3 weeks and last night blew it again. Back to square one - its only been 18 hours so far.
My problem is that my wife is fed up with me saying I'll quit only to relapse again. She thinks I am not trying hard enough or that I simply cant keep my word. I don't know what to tell her anymore other than I have to keep trying otherwise I will never stop. She really doesn't believe what I say about the issue, seems my credibility is shot now.

Has anyone been in this position? Any advice for me?

PurpleKnight

What are you doing for your Sobriety??

For me I needed to do more than simply resist drinking, I needed a plan of recovery and incorporate support into the equation, I hate to say it but relapsing is simply proving her right!!

Time to change things up, more support, more activity on SR, meetings etc whatever it is, your plan at the moment is clearly not working, nothing changes if nothing changes!!

You can do this!!

dcrr

Also - I asked her if it would be easier for me to just not talk about it (so I am not promising something then breaking the promise) - she said I simply should not say I'll do something I won't do. I understand her perspective but a part of me feels like she doesn't see that I am struggling with this too.

Soberwolf

My gf ended up moving out my advice is to do whatever takes to stop drinking

Accept that Alcohol is poisoning your life Accept that you cant drink no more

its not the way

110% in your corner but you need to start doing what it takes to stay sober

good luck you managed 3 weeks you know you can do this stiff upper lip time

least

She may not understand your struggle, but she has valid reasons not to trust your word. The only thing that will convince her is action on your part. Stay sober. Do whatever it takes to stay sober. Have you ever considered going to AA? They have helped millions of people live a satisfying sober life. Might be worth a try. The meetings only last an hour, what have you got to lose?

It took me a while to earn back the trust of my kids. But it was worth the wait.

courage2

Yes, dcrr, it's hard to stop -- but you can definitely do it, especially if you get some face-to-face support.

It really doesn't have anything much to do with your wife -- it sounds like she wants you to stop, which isn't true of all spouses, so that's a good thing in your favor. Have you lost her trust? Probably. That's one of the tolls that alcohol takes. No words can rebuild lost trust. If you want to regain it, you're going to have to make real changes & it will take time.

Get some support, get sober, and don't tell her anything -- not until when you have something to offer her other than promises. You can do this!

Dee74

Hi dcrr

I know it's hard to take. Noone trusted me or my word by the end either.
I'd broken it so many times - why should they?

I was really bound up in the idea that I was an alcoholic and that it was destined for me to drink - like I had no choice.

that's just not true.

My advice is to took squarely and honestly at what you've been doing for your recovery - and accept it's just not enough, dude.

what else haven't you tried? AA, other recovery groups, counselling, rehab?

The trick is to have many many recovery alternatives for those times when the drink comes calling.

find support. Build support. Use support.
Make changes to your life. Stay away from boozer mates and booze in general for a while.

A little short term pain is worth it in the end
D

dcrr

ok I need a plan. Right now I am 60km outside of Montreal with no car and from what I researched, there are no AA meetings in the tiny town I am in. I will spend more time here on SR - I didn't visit here during the 3 weeks because I thought I was doing so well on my own...stupid way to think, I know. So thats my starting point anyways.

Anna

It's not stupid to think you were doing well on your own, but it's dangerous.

I didn't go to meetings, but I did have a plan that worked for me.

You will need to show your wife that you have changed, rather than making promises. You can do it.

Nonsensical

Yup. I said one thing and did another so many times I had zero credibility with my wife and kids. They could never see the battle raging in my head. They could never see the anxiety making me miserable.

They also can't see the freedom I feel now.

They just see me doing what I said I was going to do.

You can do this.

Soberpotamus

I felt my "credibility" was shot for the first year And sometimes it still seems that way. It takes a while to regain trust. My husband is more focused on the down sides of things. He's more of a glass-empty type guy. I'm the positive one in the marriage. Lol. Yeah, and also the alcoholic. Kind of odd.

It just takes time to let them see you creating new patterns of behavior. Heck, I didn't even trust myself much early on. I'd let myself down so many times, and my word meant little. I'd learned to not promise people anything that I didn't have to, just to avoid letting them down.

Actions speak louder than words... especially in recovery

Inchworm

I've had the notion that I'm "doing well on my own", too. I think now that it is a silly and dangerous notion because on my own I always started to drink again. Always. We really do need each other. So start again on the sober track. And, when the thought arises that you are doing fine on your own? Remember how that thought tripped you up time and time again.

courage2

SR has been and still is a major part of getting sober for me. And I'm not talking popping in now and then. SR starts my every morning with a commitment to be sober today and gratitude (and then some interactive games) and I am or have been active on a bunch of different daily support threads. There are also chat AA meetings here and lots else.

It's a great idea to be active on this site -- it's helped me through some bad times!

sugarbear1

private email if you want online AA links