Day 8, not great
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: sherwood park
Posts: 19
Day 8, not great
I've now come down off the emotional high I had on day 7. All was fine, but my SO picked yet another fight with me and the urge feel vodka down my throat and warm my belly was so desperate it made me cry. I was feeling down and upset he hadn't let me know he was on his way home (I know it sounds silly, but I didnt feel like being at home alone. My norm was always sitting at home drinking alone until while he was away) I realize I'm emotional right now and maybe him not calling wouldn't have been a big deal any other day, but it was yesterday. He accused me of "trying to bring him down to my level" and he wasn't sorry I felt bad, because he did nothing wrong. I didn't want to talk when I got home and he started with the yelling, and I yelled back and he said "you're acting like you've had a drink already". He made other comments on day 3 like "You may as well be drunk because you're acting like it" and "I dont have the resources to support all of your issues". I told him yesterday I was craving a drink for the anxiety and he said "If you so much as purchase any alcohol whatsoever i'm gone for good" and "i've already put up with your BS for a year and a half". I told him his love and support sounds conditional, he agreed that it is. I dont feel that he understands the support I need right now, or does he understand the withdrawl and challenges of becoming sober (he's not a drinker). I don't know what to do, we've been together for coming upto 2 years and we have a lot of good things in our relationship. Facing this challenge though, so far he has only aggravated my anxiety and desire to drink, not made me feel supported at all. 
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 199
If your partner does not understand alcoholism, they can seem downright mean. I had to have many talks, with many examples and even showed my wife the SR forum to help with her understanding. Non-alcoholics think it is just merely a self-control issue while it is a much bigger thing. If his love is conditional, then it may not be true love. You have a problem with alcohol, but you still have self-worth. Get him on board, give him time to understand, educate him. If it continues, you may have to make a hard decision. Good luck to you in sobriety and the challenges ahead in maintaining it. We all have our battles!
Failure Is Not An Option
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Carmichael, CA
Posts: 244
Hello TheLayers. Your post sounds pretty dire. Good job staying committed to your recovery under such circumstances.
You're going through a lot right now by not drinking and its perfectly understandable how consuming this can be.
This time can be equally stressful to those closest to us. Especially if they've never experienced anything like this first hand or by close observation.
Please consider that both of you need support and perhaps looking outside for additional support could help the situation. I'm sure the SR site and/or members know of some resources and will chime in.
I admire your strength and good judgement in your post. Keep on being strong. We're rooting for you.
You're going through a lot right now by not drinking and its perfectly understandable how consuming this can be.
This time can be equally stressful to those closest to us. Especially if they've never experienced anything like this first hand or by close observation.
Please consider that both of you need support and perhaps looking outside for additional support could help the situation. I'm sure the SR site and/or members know of some resources and will chime in.
I admire your strength and good judgement in your post. Keep on being strong. We're rooting for you.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 10
I know exactly how this feels. My partner left me after 12 years citing my cocaine use yet he was drinking heavily. The whole episode left me heart broken to this day.
I think it is amazing that you came through such a horrid day without touching the vodka, you have some willpower!! Only advice I have is perhaps not to expect too much from your partner these coming weeks but turn to someone else for the 1-1 support and then re-evaluate the situation a little down the line. Maybe the past is too raw with him to expect anything just now although I know how bad that feels for you.
I think it is amazing that you came through such a horrid day without touching the vodka, you have some willpower!! Only advice I have is perhaps not to expect too much from your partner these coming weeks but turn to someone else for the 1-1 support and then re-evaluate the situation a little down the line. Maybe the past is too raw with him to expect anything just now although I know how bad that feels for you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Good job not drinking.
Early sobriety - especially the first month - is really raw. Every emotion is magnified 1000X. You will calm down in time. Don't blow things up in the meantime.
I think you have to understand that he probably never will get it. Can you get outside support? It's really good that you posted here, we do understand. AA meetings are also good for support and understanding. You may never get the kind of support you think you need at home, and that's okay. You have to solve your issues, not your husband. You have to learn to deal with life on life's terms. It isn't easy, but you can do it. It gets easier, really. If it didn't, none of us would be here.
Eight days. That's when I hit a huge emotional wall, too. I cried for a week after that. Hang on, love. It will pass.
Early sobriety - especially the first month - is really raw. Every emotion is magnified 1000X. You will calm down in time. Don't blow things up in the meantime.
I think you have to understand that he probably never will get it. Can you get outside support? It's really good that you posted here, we do understand. AA meetings are also good for support and understanding. You may never get the kind of support you think you need at home, and that's okay. You have to solve your issues, not your husband. You have to learn to deal with life on life's terms. It isn't easy, but you can do it. It gets easier, really. If it didn't, none of us would be here.
Eight days. That's when I hit a huge emotional wall, too. I cried for a week after that. Hang on, love. It will pass.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Try to "shelf" all your crazy emotions for now if you can. That's what I'm trying to do because I'm also early in sobriety and know they will pass.
I had a similar argument with my husband last night. I told him I needed more support etc etc. Instead of fighting with him I went to our room, shut the door and read a story in the back of the Big Book of AA. It was just what I needed. After I was done reading the story....I didn't even think about how irritated I was with my husband.
I've also realized that he will never really understand the alcoholic side of me just like I will never understand how he can drink 2 beers and be done. I go to AA and come here to be around people "from my planet" who understand me.
Good luck! Don't drink! 8 days is great and you don't want to have to start all over.
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I had a similar argument with my husband last night. I told him I needed more support etc etc. Instead of fighting with him I went to our room, shut the door and read a story in the back of the Big Book of AA. It was just what I needed. After I was done reading the story....I didn't even think about how irritated I was with my husband.
I've also realized that he will never really understand the alcoholic side of me just like I will never understand how he can drink 2 beers and be done. I go to AA and come here to be around people "from my planet" who understand me.
Good luck! Don't drink! 8 days is great and you don't want to have to start all over.
Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
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