Sulu1

Hi guys,

I've been around here a good few years now. At the moment I have around 3 weeks sober.

The problem I really struggle with is that I get really lonely. I work about 9 hours a day and seem to have no social life. I still go to a few AA and Smart meetings every week but as I am only 22 I kinda feel like I don't fit in sometimes.

Does anyone have any advice on this? I'd love to meet new people, where I am most people my age are out on a saturay night whilst I'm sat here bored and alone. It really gets me down.

Anna

Hi,

Good work on 3 weeks sober!

Have you considered volunteer work in your community? It was something that helped me to meet people and make new friends and to feel good about myself. Are you interested in sports - maybe you could join a team in your area, or take a course? It's hard at first, but you will get to know lots of sober people.

MavisTheFairy13

Hi MrG must be difficult for you being so young, I would imagine most socialising involves drink for your age group. I would try to find a hobby that you can get involved in via a group like Anna suggested

Soberwolf

Well i would immerse myself in SR send a few msgs out ask how ppl are get to know ppl

join a book club i spend a lot of time alone but i occupy time im normally always doing something followed by rest try to balance

keep readiing search the site

like Anna brilliantly suggested you can Volenteer i have done this and its amazing scary at first but isnt everything

wishing you all the luck in the world 3 weeks is awesome

Sulu1

Thanks for the suggestion Anna I volunteer to look after disabled kids a few times a month which is great whilst I'm there. The problem is that I dint seem to have any interaction with my own age group.

I've been mostly sober the past 6 months except a few failures. It honestly just really makes me feel down at times. I'd love so much for some others my age that don't drink. I'm sure they're out there

instant

there is no doubt that we have to learn a new way of living and being with ourselves. This all takes time and understanding.

Heavy drinkers are in the minority- although it did not seem that way when I first started being sober- alcohol was everywhere and I was primed to focus on it.

do you have a hobby, interest or sport that you can share with others?

Aiko

Hi MrG,

I understand completely, I work non stop and I do not go out at sat nights...
And tonight there was a mega retro party... and I miss David Guetta
but I know what would happen...

You need to get hobbies!!!
Join a Gym... you will meet healthy people and start going out in healthy environments

And if you feel lonely maybe join a dating page and give it a try

I tried NA meetings and I do not feel I fit there too, for some it works...
But I rather change the core of my life.
I believe if I find sense in my life I will not be thinking 24x7 of getting stoned.
So I started studying, paint,... and If I would have more time I would do more...
To me been busy helps

The important thing is that you are straight now, do not give up, the other life just will make you even more miserable and you will never find the love you need.

(((Big Hug)))

heartcore

Athletes tend to not be drinkers. I've never really made good friends at the gym, but in my town the running community is tight, the ski community, etc.

I don't feel that I'm in shape to run races in early sobriety, but I volunteered at the triathlon & some bike races, etc. Many of my friends take fitness as their social life - train together, climb together, yoga together. Active sobriety.

You can find outdoorsy & active people on meetup.com

Also, I'm reaching out with more intention at meetings. Is there young people's AA in your area?

Finally, even as you set yourself up activities & friends, you'll still be lonely sometimes. Can't be avoided. I use "lonely lost time" to do my chores, exercise alone, etc., so that when social opportunities arise, I already have my chores done & can just go...

Sulu1

I can't even begin to comment on this, this is exactly how i feel.

I volunteer as it is on top of my work, I just feel lost when it comes to meeting others my age group.

margherita

Hi MrG,

I feel the same way. I am 28 and I feel like everyone that I know is out right now, either at a nice restaurant having dinner, a bar getting drinks, or doing something fun with their friends or dates. While I'm at home by myself on a Saturday night. I purposefully stay home most of the time (except for groceries, run errands, shopping and AA meetings of course!) because I only have 40 days and I do not feel like I am AT ALL ready to go out and socialize... especially because everyone will be drinking and I will need to stay sober. It really sucks. I know being sober is the only option for me since I was such a mess.. but I sure wish I could have a glass of wine (or two or three LOL) right now..

I seem to be doing much better during weekdays because I know most people will have work the next day and won't be out and about having fun. It's so much harder on the weekends. I feel quite lonely too, but hopefully as time goes on, we will try new things like going to social events sober and as our obsession with drinking fades away, we will be able to participate in these without any worries... I cannot wait for that

Brad41989

I understand how you feel I'm 25 and everyone I work with or used to hang out with thats all they do is drink. It's cheaper the booze here in NH with no sales tax people drink like theirs going to be prohibition again around here. I've been sober now 199 days and I work go to the gym do laundry go grocery shopping clean and run errands and visit my mom from time to time. I feel pretty lonely at times wishing I could be cool and hang out with the in crowd but at the end of the day it's a waste of time and money and health and at the end of the day what's more important? Sure you only live once but why waste your only shot at life not doing something that's important to you? I just look at it as I'm lucky to still be here with all the crazy **** I did from 14-25. I had my crazy years now it's was time to grow up for me. You'll find something or someone it's just going to take time but be patient!

Hereandnow2

Are there any late night coffee shops, huca bars, or even late art classes. Those are some things going on in my area on weekends that arn't drinking related.

Fiona630

Congrats on 3 weeks!!

Can you get a pet where you live? Give you a bit of company and something to do. Then you can do dog training classes if you get a dog. Adopt one from a shelter, take it to classes and then go beyond regular classes and make the dog one of those therapy/touch dogs. That will take up time plus lead you to another way of volunteering when you bring in your therapy dog for people in hospitals. I want to do that with a dog of mine but from what I read he is too young still.

Classes at a college sounds like a great idea. Don't know what kind of schooling you have but you can always keep going. Or take classes for fun.

Don't know your views on religion, but I do have a couple family members that became sober and then threw themselves into church. One ended up finding a spouse from church.

The gym for sure. My gym when I have driven by on a weekend night you will find early 20 yr olds in there. People that are serious about their health/fitness level tend to stay away from things that will hurt them.

2nd job that is weekends and nights only maybe? If you want to go that route. Holidays are coming up, a lot of places will be hiring for just the season.

Are you creative? Start painting or making things with clay..take classes on that. Glass blowing..I don't know..sky's the limit. Learn how to play an instrument.

Volunteer for weekends at an animal shelter. Those animals still need to be fed, cages cleaned and dogs walked.

I like the book club idea. I love reading. start a novel if you like to write.

Dating site online.

I guess you need to take stock of what you enjoy or would like to learn and go from there. You will make new friends with your new activities. Hang in there.

And just so you know, there are people your age out there that do not party. My son is 16 yrs old and will not associate with anyone that drinks or gets high. He cant stand it. He said girls are the worst at his school. They think its so cool but he said it makes them look so dumb. Needless to say his group of friends is small and he does not have a girlfriend. Girls like him at 6ft 5.5 inches tall, he grabs peoples attention, but he doesnt like to party. He does however have friends that are your age that he met through gaming. There are about 5 or 6 of them that he plays with on a regular basis and 3 of those he is in a clan together with where they compete in games online for money. They get sponsors and all that. Anyways, my point..these friends of his range from 21-25. Good young adults, I have met them all. Skyped and facebook messaged with them. Some are in college and some work, 1 is a girl..go figure..lol. She is the mama hen of the boys. But none party.(and trust me, I did my homework. Im not gullible when it comes to this online friendship thing. Plus I keep tabs, made friends with them, added them to my facebook, and snoop every so often. lol) Gaming is their thing. So good sober people your age, are out there, you just have to look in places you might not have thought about before.