erin8

So I'm on day 3. Not that it matters much. I don't think I'll feel excited about sobriety until I make it a month or more because I keep messing up. The good days came and I felt great and then out of nowhere I threw them away to get drunk. I enjoyed it last time for about an hour and then the same old same old happens. I drink too much like I promised myself I wouldn't and I wake the next day in despair. I feel so stuck in this endless cycle and its not just the alcohol. Its this damn depression too. I don't think I'm ever going to be free from this ****. The good news is I don't want to drink today because I know that it will not make me feel better but I WISH that there was SOMETHING that would. . . that didn't involve doing anything at all. Just poof. better. happier. but I guess it doesn't work that way. . . so.. I guess I'm off to take a shower, fold some laundry and maybe catch a meeting. Hopefully the day will get better but I just feel so damn miserable right now I can't stand it.

PurpleKnight

Hang in there Erin, cutting out alcohol didn't make me happy initially either, it took a long time of feeling frustrating and almost a lost feeling of "is this it" until things finally turned a corner, but Sobriety was the foundation of that, alcohol had caused me so mush misery up until then, going round and round on an endless spiral for what seemed like forever.

There's no quick fix for happiness or contentment in life I found, it's a gradual longterm project, but day by day we can build a new life beyond what alcohol promised and failed to deliver for so long!!

Findingtheway

Feelings like this plague me too..they come in waves though. I know sometimes after going to a meeting i feel instantly a bit better.

Try to eat regularly as well...healthy diet and exercise can improve your mood to. Try to take it easy...don't get discouraged and don't expect too much too fast.

You can do this. Just focus on today.

MnEman

I feel your pain, but it does get better,as you mentioned I your post from your own experience. Alcohol is powerful drug that can cause depression by itself,and can make existing depresion worse. As you have found it takes some time to undo the effects of heavy drinking. Give yourself that time by doing whatever you need to do to get to that place.

Coffeenotbooze

Your doing great Erin! I havnt even got 8 hours in yet!

weirdesttoner

Hello!

You know, it will be a while like this in the beginning. But you will get accustomed to it.
And the happiness will come, slow but sure.
But it's ok, because you know what they say about easy things... They either don't last, or we don't appreciate them.

I wish you well!

biminiblue

The depression will lift if you stay off the alcohol for a while.

Like PK said, it doesn't happen right away and you'll need to do some introspection, but it will happen if you keep doing the next right thing and start to build a sober life with new friends, new activities.